


The Research Phase

by Sexxica



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Bathing/Washing, Closeted Character, Communication Failure, Crying, Cunnilingus, Dating, Developing Relationship, Drunkenness, Ectoplasm, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/F, First Dates, Flirting, Fluff, Foot Massage, Hangover, Happy Ending, Holtzmann is a spectacular lover, Homophobic Language, Lingerie, Love Confessions, Making Out, Massage, Napping, Orgasm, Reconciliation, Relationship(s), Smut, Tickling, Vaginal Fingering, anorgasmia, anorgasmic Erin, caring holtzmann, giving orgasms as a hobby, nervous Erin, past holtzmann/abby, past holtzmann/others, past holtzmann/patty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-07-28 14:26:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 41,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7644505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sexxica/pseuds/Sexxica
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jillian Holtzmann was equally as good at taking women apart as she was at dismantling and putting together machines, and she enjoyed it just as much. Her Research Phase had never failed to lead her to a correct hypothesis and positive conclusion (ie: orgasm) within a two hour window.  That was, before Dr. Erin Gilbert walked out of the theoretical paranormal physics book from her reference shelf, and into her lab.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Step One: The Proposal

**Author's Note:**

> Rated for eventual explicit content. Tags will be updated with each chapter!

Jillian Holtzmann was equally as good at taking women apart as she was at dismantling and putting together machines, and she enjoyed it just as much.  Every aspect of it gave her an excited flutter in her stomach like the first time she successfully built a helium-mercury metal-vapor laser in her mom’s garage.  It was the thrill of discovery, of problem solving, of getting it  _ right _ , and Holtzmann’s mind demanded the sensation again and again.

It had started in elementary school with endless curiosity about everything and questions none of her teachers could answer, so she learned how to answer them herself.  Then there were  _ girls _ and  _ feelings _ and new things that she was curious about too.  At high school there was electronics club and first girlfriends, first experiments in any number of ways.

By University, Holtzmann knew exactly where her skills lay: experimental nuclear science, engineering, and giving women orgasms.  

When she wasn’t in the lab, or dumpster diving for spare parts, she was in the library, on the university green, at a cafe, club, or anywhere else she could meet women.  All kinds of women.  Holtzmann had preferences, of course, but she didn’t have the inclination or time to date, she really only wanted to feel the surge of pleasure she got when figuring out exactly what would make a woman come.

She admitted to thinking of the women as experiments in the purest sense of the word, but knew enough to never voice that.  She didn’t think it was cruel, or selfish, because she was upfront about her intentions, and did really care about their pleasure.  Of course, all of her partners were more than willing as well.  It was a mutually beneficial experiment.

“The Research Phase” as Holtzmann had dubbed it, was where she felt she excelled.  Over the years she had perfected a series of moves, a set of if this, then that commands for herself that, coupled with committed observation, worked her toward the right combination of stimulus to get her partner to achieve maximum pleasure.  It tended to work flawlessly.

For example, if a nibble on the lower lip elicited a positive response (moans, shudders, further dilation of the pupils, etc.), Holtzmann would attempt a harder bite to the earlobe or neck.  Again, a positive response would equal an increase in that particular type of stimulus.  A negative or neutral response and Holtzmann would move on to something different.  Everything from feather light touches, gentle, loving, slow sensual sex to quick, dirty, wild sex that left bruises.  It was all fair game to Holtzmann.  All just as exciting to her, too.

Anything that would leave the women she was with dazed and incoherent, mussed and smudged and tangled and stumbling out her door with their shoes in their hands, smiles on their faces and a far-away gaze in their eyes was worth it.  Holtzman liked it best when they were vocal, and when she could do the job with just her fingers and mouth, but she didn’t really mind when that wasn’t the case.  Every woman Holtzmann had been with was different and beautiful in their own particular way.

The Research Phase had never failed to lead Holtzmann to a correct hypothesis and positive conclusion (ie: orgasm) within a two hour window.  That was, before Dr. Erin Gilbert walked out of the theoretical paranormal physics book from her reference shelf, and into Holtzmann’s lab.  Holtzmann had devoured “Ghosts From Our Past” in a single sitting the first time Abby had shown her it, enthralled and inspired and more excited to work on the theories within than she had ever been about anything.  It was genius.  Groundbreaking.  And Holtzmann was in love with Erin’s mind long before she ever met her.

And then she showed up so uptight and constrained in her impractical shoes and tweed skirt-suit, and a stupid tiny bowtie that Holtzmann was smitten almost immediately.  It was like Erin was begging to be undone, and Holtzmann desperately wanted to be the one to do it.

It was clear, for a while, that Holtzmann’s attraction wasn’t quite reciprocated.  And then it wasn’t so clear.  As they worked together, fought together, and Erin’s veneer of her chosen type of carefully curated femininity started to slip the further she got from traditional academia, she seemed to warm to Holtzmann’s advances, enough for her to feel confident enough to proposition her, anyway.

“We should have sex,” Holtzmann grinned a bit manically at Erin.

“Wh-what?”

“I think it’s a good idea,” Holtzmann added, a soldering iron in one hand, goggles on her face as she worked at repairing a fault in Patty’s proton pack.

“I don’t think I want to, umm, talk about this with you … here” Erin blushed, nervously picking at the workbench where she stood across from Holtzmann.  She could tell that Erin’s pulse had jumped.

“It’s not like you’ld be the only one,” Holtzmann added, gesturing around the lab with the soldering iron.

Erin laughed nervously, incredulous.  “Haha no, you didn’t,” she wrinkled her nose. 

“Did,” Holtzmann countered, pushing her goggles up on her forehead.  “Uhh, Abby?” she called.  “Did I --” she paused to lick her lips, looking directly at Erin -- “give you one of the best orgasms of your life that one night?” She asked, putting both palms down on the table, bowing her head as she waited for a response.

“Oh yeah.  Mind-blowing,” Abby said with a smile and Erin scoffed.

“W-wait you guys really?” Erin stuttered and Holtzmann bit her lip, peering up at her again.

“Patty, care to weigh in?” Holtzmann asked, pointing with a flick of her wrist.

“Girls’ magic,” Patty said, “I’d take the offer if I was you.  An offer like that doesn’t come around too often.”

“Oh my god,” Erin muttered.  

Holtzmann waited until Erin dared to look at her, then gave her a wink. 

“I have to go,” Erin said quickly, her cheeks flushing up even brighter as she nearly sprinted out the door.

“Forgot your keys,” Patty called after her, without even looking.

Erin slunk back in, clearly embarrassed, grabbing her keys off the table with a quick “Thank you, Patty,” and scurrying out of the room.  Holtzmann considered the proposal a good start, although the success of it would need to be determined over the course of days, if not weeks.  The idea was planted now -- Holtzmann just needed to wait for it to take root and grow.   

It didn’t even take as long as Holtzmann thought it would.  Even the next day she noticed Erin staring at her more than once, watching her hands in particular, or her mouth.  Holtzmann didn’t let on that she had noticed, of course, but definitely made sure that what she was working on was intricate enough that Erin got a good show.  Other than that she simply let Erin stew in whatever she was thinking.  Holtzmann hoped (especially when Erin’s eyes widened and she blushed, forcing herself to look away,) that Erin was thinking about what it would feel like to have Holtzmann take her apart piece by piece.

There was a growing curiosity on Erin’s face.  She looked fidgety too, having trouble focusing.  Holtzmann wasn’t.  Holtzmann was  _ fascinated _ .  Even though she couldn’t possibly know what Erin was thinking at any given moment, it was abundantly clear that there was some sort of shift, a reordering taking place that she couldn’t keep from trickling through to her facial expressions, especially when she thought no one was watching.

And then it happened.

“Holtzmann?” Erin asked from the doorway of the lab, clearly hesitant to actually come in.

“Ye-eess?” She grinned, pulling her glasses down her nose.

Erin was sort of nervously wringing her hands now, swaying where she stood like maybe she was just going to forget what she came for and run away.  She swallowed audibly, taking a deep breath through her nose.  “Were you … serious?” Erin asked, her face scrunching up as if she was bracing for impact after her question.

“Oh, I’m always serious,” Holtzmann answered with a wink.

“Okay that isn’t even remotely true,” Erin shook her head.  “I just need to know, because if … if you weren’t then I can just stop thinking about the fact that maybe you could.  Because I’ve never really …” Erin trailed off into a mumble that Holtzmann didn’t catch.

“Because you’ve never really what?” Holtzmann asked, putting her tools down on the bench, her full attention on Erin now, who looked downright sweaty at this point.

“I’ve never really …” Erin trailed off again, her blush spread all the way from her chest to her ears.

“Yeah.  Still didn’t catch that.  Erin, whatever it is, just tell me.”

Erin looked up for a moment, as if she was searching for an answer on the ceiling, before taking another quick breath in through her nose.  “I’ve never really had an orgasm, okay?  It’s not like I’m a virgin or haven’t  _ tried _ , because o-oh I’ve tried, it’s just that’s it never really … happened,” Erin said in a rush.  “You know what, I’m just going to go,” She added with a nervous nod of her head, turning quickly on her heel.

Holtzmann sprinted after her, “Wait! Wait, Erin!” She managed to catch her elbow, stopping her not too far outside the lab.  Holtzmann could feel the way her own face softened when confronted with Erin’s mildly panicked expression.  “Is that true?”

Erin gave a startled laugh, “Why would I lie about that?”

Holtzmann grimaced.  “Sorry, stupid question.”

“Yeah, kind of,” Erin agreed with a small smile.

Holtzmann cleared her throat.  “Let me start again,” She said, moving to stand in front of Erin, looking her in the eye, peering over her tinted glasses that were still halfway down her nose.  “Erin,” she said, her tone as serious as she could manage while a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, “it would not only be my honour, but my pleasure to try to give you your first orgasm.”  Holtzmann bit her lip while she waited for Erin’s reaction.

“Yeah.  Umm, yeah, okay,” Erin smiled shyly.

Holtzmann cheered inwardly, not really wanting to reveal just yet how excited she was about the prospect.  This was  _ new _ .  And it was  _ Erin _ .  It was like a dream come true already.  “I can draw up a resume if you'd like.  A few more references?” Holtzmann waggled her eyebrows, wanting to break the small bit of tension that had gathered between them.

“No, I - I think I trust your word, Holtz,” Erin laughed lightly, looking much calmer now, but still nervous.  “So, how do you … do we make a date … or …?” 

Holtzmann stretched out her arm, putting her palm flat against the wall behind Erin, getting into her space.  “Have I ever shown you my room?”

“You have not,” Erin’s throat worked around a dry-mouthed swallow.

“Do you have … some time?” Holtzmann asked, aware that her smile was getting more lascivious by the second.

“I believe I do,” Erin answered, a quiver in her voice.

“Good,” Holtzmann ran her tongue over an incisor, taking Erin’s hand, leading her back through the lab, down a short hallway and into the small room that Holtzmann had claimed as her bedroom.  Once they had moved into the expansive firehouse, fully equipped with bathrooms and a kitchen, and still space for their work, it had made more sense to Holtzmann to just move in entirely.  She had a tendency to cat nap in the lab anyway.

She closed and locked the door behind them.

“Welcome to chez Holtzmann,” she said, sweeping her arm over the room.  The surfaces were cluttered, and her wardrobe lived on two rolling racks she had salvaged from a department store dumpster years ago, but it was clean and she hoped, inviting.  “Please keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times.”

Erin laughed lightly at that.  “You’re mixing your metaphors a little.”

Holtzmann moved in closer, resting one hand on Erin’s waist, the other moving up to run a finger over the bow at the collar of her shirt.  “Maybe I’m just distracted by yet another entry in the world’s tiniest bowtie competition you’ve got going on here.”

“They … they come with the shirts,” Erin whispered, staring at Holtzmann’s lips.

Holtzmann could feel the way that Erin was trembling.  “If you want to stop --” she began.

“I don’t,” Erin interrupted and Holtzmann smiled.

“ _ If _ , at any point you want to stop,” She repeated, “or you don’t like something, just say so.  You don’t need to worry about a thing.”  Holtzmann’s voice dropped low as she wrapped her fingers around that distracting bow, using it to pull Erin to her.  She bent her head, closing the distance between them, pressing her lips to Erin’s in a soft kiss. 

Erin gave a startled squeak at the contact, but quickly returned the kiss, so Holtzmann deepened it, sliding their mouths together, starting to flick her tongue against Erin’s lips.  She could feel Erin’s body heat through her clothes, and when Erin opened her mouth she tasted like coffee and spearmint.  

Holtzmann moaned quietly as she started to run her hands over Erin’s body -- down her arms, over her back, across her belly, then gently up over the swell of her breasts.  Erin seemed to enjoy it because her pulse had increased notably, and she was giving little gasps into Holtzmann’s mouth, but she was still holding her body so stiffly, hardly relaxing into the touch at all.

“Erin,” Holtzmann said, pulling back from their kiss, both her hands on Erin’s hips.  

“Y-yes?” Erin stammered, her lips wet and red and parted.  She looked incredible and Holtzmann wanted her more than ever.  She could feel her own pulse hammering inside of her veins, tingles of arousal running down her spine.

“Going to need you to be honest with me here.  You’re sure you want this, yes?”

Erin nodded.  “Absolutely, yes.”

“So, is there a reason it feels like your tendons are going to start snapping off your joints like guitar strings?” 

“I’m sorry!” Erin said, trying to pull away.  “I get so nervous, and then nervous about seeming nervous and I get stuck in a feedback loop of nerves and if you don’t want to do this anymore I can just go.”

“Erin, Erin, it’s okay,” Holtzmann reassured her, pulling her into a tight hug.  “I’ve got you,” she soothed, running a hand up and down Erin’s back.  “I just want to make you feel good,” Holtzmann whispered huskily into Erin’s ear, “however long it takes, whatever you need.”

Erin pulled back to look Holtzmann in the eye.  “Really? You mean that?”

“As of now, you’re my top research priority,” Holtzmann said.  “Other than figuring out how to fix that  _ gigantic _ leak in the containment unit,” Holtzmann added quickly, with a snorted laugh.

“There’s a  _ leak _ in the containment unit?” Erin asked, her face dropping into a frown, her eyes wide with panic.

“Unimportant,” Holtzmann answered.

“Oh my god, how is that unimportant?” 

“Because there is an incredibly attractive and brilliant particle physicist in my bedroom and I want to know what makes her tick.”

“O-oh,” Erin blushed.

“Mmm,” Holtzmann hummed.  “So … may I?”

“May you what?” Erin asked, clearly a bit flustered from Holtzmann’s compliment.

“May I figure out what makes you tick, Dr. Gilbert?” 

“Yes, you may,” Erin said, sounding more sure than she had all day.

“Excellent,” Holtzmann grinned, her mind quickly cycling through every anxious lover she had had, re-ordering her plan, modifying her approach toward Erin with every bit of data she had.  Holtzmann hummed thoughtfully, giving Erin another kiss.  

“Alright,” Holtzmann exclaimed, probably a bit louder and a bit more sudden than she should have, given the startled blink Erin gave her, but she was ready to set to work on her research plan.  “Get on my bed.  Shoes off, please.

“Okay,” Erin breathed, slipping out of her shoes and going to lay stiffly on Holtzmann’s bed, her long brown hair spreading out across her pillow.

Holtzmann felt her heart flutter at the sight.  She pulled her boots off, throwing them into a corner before walking up to the bed and laying down next to Erin.  She rolled onto her side, propping herself up on an elbow and looking down at Erin.  “I’m not going to make you come today,” She said, matter of factly, resting a hand lightly on Erin’s stomach.

“Wait, what?” Erin asked, looking rightfully confused.

“Nope.  No orgasms for anyone today,” She smiled.

“But I thought that was the whole point,” Erin argued.

“Maybe.  Eventually.  Right now though, I just need you to get comfortable,” Holtzmann said, toying with a button on Erin’s shirt.  “You have _got_ _to_ relax, Erin.  I’m never going to be able to do this for you if you’re strung this tight.  So, I’m going to help.” Holtzmann grinned, digging her fingers into Erin’s ribs without warning, eliciting a high pitched giggle from Erin as she arched off the bed.

“Ticklish?” Holtzmann teased, continuing her assault, her clever fingers snaking over Erin’s sides, up into her armpits while Erin gasped and writhed under her, laughing uncontrollably.  “I never would have guessed.”

“Ha - hoh - Holtz!” Erin shrieked as she tried to roll into a ball, but Holtzmann was too persistent, her fingertips wriggling into Erin’s armpits even as she tried to clamp her arms tight to her sides.

She was relentless.  The sound of Erin’s laughter, the contorted smile on her face, the way her skirt was riding up her thighs as she kicked out while she gasped and struggled to breathe -- it was all incredible.

“Sss-,” Erin hissed, “Stop, please! I’m gonna … gonna pee my pants,” Erin yelped and Holtzmann drew her hands back as Erin lept off the bed, running out the door. 

Holtzmann sat up cross-legged in the bed, smiling to herself as she stretched her arms up in the air, hearing her one shoulder pop.  It was only a couple minutes before Erin was back, closing the door behind her.  “That wasn’t fair,” she said.

“I never promised to be fair,” Holtzmann smirked, patting the bed next to her.  Erin didn’t hesitate to come join her.  Holtzmann put a hand on her cheek, leaning in to kiss the corner of her mouth, trailing kisses back to her ear.  Erin shivered.  Holtzmann nuzzled further into her neck, breathing her in.  She smelled of her perfume (citrus, lightly floral), slightly of that morning’s coffee, but more predominantly of dry erase markers.  It was heady, and Holtzmann was unable to stop her tongue from flicking out to taste Erin’s warm skin.  “Don’t you feel a bit less nervous now though?”

“I guess I do,” Erin said bending her head to give Holtzmann better access.

This was very good, Holtzmann thought.  She knew that getting Erin to be completely comfortable with her was going to take some time, even if it was really what Erin wanted.  Her mind and body were fighting against her, but Holtzmann could help her overcome it, she knew she could.  She was determined to make up for years of lovers not patient or giving enough, and even for Erin’s own impatience and frustration with herself. 

Holtzmann resisted the urge to spend the next hour exploring the expanse of skin between Erin’s ear and shoulder and scooted herself to the end of the bed, crossing her legs again.  “C’mon, lie back.  Gimme a foot.”

“It’s not more tickling, is it?” Erin hesitated.

“Ha! No,” Holtzmann smiled, “Not more tickling.” 

Erin lay back down, slipping a bare foot into Holtzmann’s lap.  She lifted it gently, cradling her heel with one hand while she started to work her thumb into the arch.  Erin groaned, letting her head sink back into the pillow.  “Ohh,” she sighed.

Holtzmann knew from experience that while some problems could be tackled head-on, others needed to be snuck up on, approached from the sides or back, keeping the problem on its toes, unaware that you were about to solve it.  Erin’s problem was firmly set in the latter category, but Holtzmann wasn’t afraid of a problem that required creative solutions.  They were her  _ favourite _ problems.  And getting to spend time with Erin, to touch her, to continue to gain more of her trust, well that was just added incentive.

Holtzmann just went about her work quietly, listening to the noises Erin made as she massaged both her feet in turn.  The little sighs and groans as she dug her thumbs into her outer arch, her heel, tugged gently on each of her toes.

“That feels so good,” Erin moaned breathily as Holtzmann finished up.

“Good,” Holtzmann smiled, moving her hands up Erin’s calf, bending down to kiss her knee.  “You carry a lot of tension in your shoulders.  Want me to do those too?  Or you wanna call it a day?”

“Oh that would be lovely.  I mean,  if you don’t mind,” Erin said, far too politely.

“Wouldn’t have offered if I minded,” Holtzmann said, moving Erin’s leg down next to her.  “May I take your shirt off?”

Erin nodded quickly, biting her lip while Holtzmann moved to straddle her waist, carefully picking apart the small buttons on her shirt, pulling her shirt tails from the waistband of her skirt.  The skin of Erin’s stomach was prickling with goosebumps, trembling as Holtzmann gently parted the fabric of her shirt.  Her bra was practical, nude coloured, and would have been boring except for the criss-cross pattern of the centre gore, highlighted with little sparkling gems.  Holtzmann knew she was staring.  

“I’ll make it even,” Holtzmann blurted out, quickly shrugging off her jacket and pulling her t-shirt off over her head.  It wasn’t like her to be so … so distracted.  But Erin was having a particularly strong effect on her.  Something about the combination of her enthusiasm and nervousness made Holtzmann’s head spin, made her stomach flip, made her want Erin even more.

Erin propped herself up on her elbows, letting Holtzmann slip her shirt from her shoulders, lifting her arms up in turn so she could pull it all the way off.  Erin rolled a bit awkwardly onto her stomach pulling her hair to the side and hugging a pillow to her chest.

Holtzmann swallowed dryly, putting two fingers on the clasp of Erin’s bra.  “May I?” she asked.

“Oh, uhh, sure,” Erin answered and Holtzmann unclasped it, letting Erin shrug out of the straps.

Erin’s skin was smooth, warm, but she was desperately tense.  Holtzmann rocked on her knees on the bed, getting comfortable where she was straddling her, bending over and starting to knead into Erin’s stiff muscles.  Holtzmann was by no means a professional, but over the years she had picked up some tricks, and was generally pretty good at this.

Soon Erin was moaning softly as Holtzmann dug her thumbs into knots and worked her muscles a few notches looser, and Holtzmann was suddenly very glad she had taken off her shirt too.  Those sounds were making her much too warm, her blood pumping hot and furious through her veins.  She did her best not to let it show too much, even though Erin was face down with her eyes closed, but Holtzmann wanted all this to be about Erin, not about her.  She would just have to deal with herself on her own.

“Still alive down there?” Holtzmann asked, bending down low over Erin, resting her forehead between Erin’s shoulder blades.

“Mmmm,” was Erin’s only response and Holtzmann smiled into her skin.

“I guess that’s close enough,” Holtzmann murmured against Erin’s back, starting to kiss her shoulders, down her spine into the dip of her lower back. 

Holtzmann decided to stop herself there, even though she wanted more.  She wanted to run her tongue over every inch of Erin’s body, but she figured that might be a bit much.  She flopped down next to Erin, watching as she groggily lifted her head, hair messy and pillow marks on her one cheek.  “Gorgeous.”

Holtzmann didn’t even realize she had said the word out loud until Erin’s face flushed up bright and she stuttered out, “Really?”

“Yeah.  Absolutely,” Holtzmann said quietly.  It was true.  It was more than true.  If Holtzmann knew a word that meant more than gorgeous she would have used it.  She was enamored of Erin, fascinated and more intrigued than she had ever been about any of her lovers.  Holtzmann thought that maybe she was falling in love.  Which was terrifying.  Exhilarating.   _ New _ .

“Thank you,” Erin said, the blush still lighting up her cheeks.  “Can I, umm, lay here a little longer?  Just until my bones grow back?”

Holtzmann laughed, a grin splitting her face.  “Of course you can, doll face.”

Erin wrinkled her nose.  “Don’t - don’t call me that.”

“What can I call you? Sweet cheeks? Honey buns? Baby cakes?  Danger mouse?”

“Those are all terrible nicknames.” Erin said bluntly, but a smile was pulling the corner of her mouth up.

“I guess I’m going to just have to keep calling you gorgeous, then,” Holtzmann reached out, brushing the hair out of Erin’s eyes, tucking it behind her ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my beta reader [Jaimi!](http://archiveofourown.org/users/jaimistoryteller/profile)


	2. Step Two: The Plan

Holtzmann was a woman on a mission.  All of her energy -- except for what she needed to, you know, do her job -- was directed toward Erin.  She did more research, further refining her plan, solidifying her idea that what she needed to do was get Erin as comfortable as possible around her, to strip her nervousness away.

She crafted her plan, but left a lot of wiggle room for new information or situations, and things unique to Erin that had yet to be discovered.  Erin was nothing if not unique, and Holtzmann guessed that there were going to be more than a few surprises along the way.  She hoped there would be.  She hoped that Erin was going to surprise her at every turn, because that would be incredibly exciting.  Plans were sometimes necessary, but they were also generally boring.  Holtzmann refused to let her plan with Erin be boring.

“Aghh,” Erin groaned, throwing down a whiteboard marker, watching it bounce off the floor and roll away, before sitting heavily in her chair.  She slumped down over her desk, letting her head hit the surface of it with an audible thud.  She looked defeated.

“Erin?” Holtzmann called from across their workspace.  Holtzmann did her less … unstable work in a large space they all shared, with her lab reserved for work that was a bit more sensitive.  “You alright over there?”

Erin just groaned louder.

“She’s been stuck on that damn problem for three days now,” Patty said from behind her fresh stack of research materials.  “And that is _way_ outside my expertise.”

“Maybe you should take a little break, huh?” Abby suggested, coming over to pat Erin gently on the head.  Erin groaned again.

“Oh!” Holtzmann exclaimed.  “A break, that’s perfect,” she said, quickly turning off her equipment and going over to Erin’s desk.  “Erin, let’s take a break.  C’mon.  Break time. Let’s go.  Take a break with me,” she cajoled, gently pushing on Erin’s shoulder to punctuate each sentence.

“But I have to … math … solve,” Erin mumbled into the desk, throwing an arm behind her to gesture vaguely at the whiteboard. “Important math.”

“I’m positive it’s very important, but smoke is going to start coming out of your ears soon if you don’t take a break.  And I haven’t refilled the fire extinguishers yet.”

Erin gave another defeated groan, still not moving.

“Alright,” Holtzmann sighed, slipping her arms under Erin’s, starting to physically lift her up off the chair, “up ya come.”  Erin started to stand on her own when she realized that Holtzmann was quite possibly going to fireman carry her out of there if that was what it came to.

“Okay,” Erin said softly, leaning on Holtzmann, letting her lead her out of the room.

“C’mon, gorgeous, we’ll give that beautiful brain a little time off, huh?” Holtzmann said as she walked Erin through the lab and into Holtzmann’s room.  Erin just nodded a little numbly.  Clearly it had been a rough few days with that problem, and Erin was past her limit, her poor mind completely overworked.  Holtzmann was a little surprised there wasn’t any grey matter leaking out of her nose.

She sat Erin down on the edge of her bed, bending down to pull her shoes off, then pushing her jacket off her shoulders.  “Do you want to sleep in your clothes?” Holtzmann asked quietly, and Erin shook her head.  Holtzmann unbuttoned Erin’s shirt, slipping it off, then unzipped her skirt, tugging it off her hips.  Erin steadied herself on Holtzman’s shoulder, lifting herself off the bed enough to get it off.  

Holtzmann’s mouth went a little dry, her eyes wide.  Erin’s panties sat low on her hips, pink and soft-looking with a tiny white bow centered on the waistband.  Did the tiny bows find Erin, or did Erin find the tiny bows? Either way Holtzmann was captivated by their seeming ubiquity in Erin’s wardrobe.  God, it was cute.

Holtzmann swallowed, dragging her eyes back up to meet Erin’s.  “Do you want a shirt to sleep in?”

“Please,” Erin sighed, with a tired nod.

Holtzmann turned around to find something suitably comfy for Erin to sleep in amongst her varied wardrobe.  Luckily they weren’t too different in size.  Holtzmann pulled something oversized and well-worn from the racks, turning to pass it to Erin and stopping cold where she stood.  Erin had taken her bra off while Holtzmann’s back was turned, sitting there in just her panties.  

“O-oh,” Holtzmann stuttered, and Erin blushed, clearly resisting the urge she was having to cover herself, judging by her white knuckled grip on the bed.  Holtzmann recovered her senses, smiling warmly at Erin while she handed the shirt over and Erin pulled it on.  Erin really was full of surprises.

Holtzmann kicked her boots off, pulling off her socks, and stripping herself down to just her panties while Erin watched.  She picked herself out another comfy shirt, and put it on, going over to Erin and giving her a quick kiss on the lips.  “Get into my bed, gorgeous,” Holtzmann said, pulling back the sheets.  Erin didn’t argue, just crawled right in, curling up on her side, and Holtzmann climbed in behind her, pulling the blankets up over them both.

She spooned up against Erin, curving their bodies together, pulling her close even though it meant a face full of Erin’s hair.  Holtzmann didn’t really mind.  She kissed the back of Erin’s neck, listening to her breathing slow down as she drifted quickly off to sleep.  Holtzmann smiled, so happy in that moment with Erin asleep in her arms, her limbs loose and her expression slack as she started to drool just a little onto Holtzmann’s pillow.  Holtzmann snuggled in closer, closing her eyes as well.  Naps were always a welcome addition to any day, and naps with such a beautiful and intriguing woman next to her were even better.    

* * *

“What time is it?” Erin yawned, waking up in the dimly lit room, Holtzmann sitting cross-legged in bed next to her, looking at her phone.

“Oh, it’s been three days,” Holtzmann deadpanned.

“What?!” Erin bolted up in bed.

“I’m joking. Joking! It’s 5:30; Abby just ordered dinner,” Holtzmann grinned, showing Erin her phone screen with a text from Abby saying that Thai was on the way if they ever wanted to come out of that room.

Erin flopped back down on the pillow with a sigh of relief.  “That wasn’t funny.”

“It was _a little_ funny.”

“No, it wasn’t,” Erin disagreed, rolling over and draping an arm over Holtzmann’s waist.  Holtzmann could hear the smile in her voice.

“Are you feeling like a human again?  Those were some complete sentences there,” Holtzmann said, putting her phone aside and stroking a hand lightly over Erin’s arm.

“Mostly,” Erin answered, looking up at Holtzmann.  Erin looked so warm and soft and open. More so than Holtzmann had ever seen her.  It made Holtzmann’s heart clench painfully inside of her chest to know that this was an Erin that probably few people had ever seen, because she was so beautiful like this.  So wonderfully herself without any of the fog of anxiety that surrounded her so often.

Erin bit her lip, looking away from Holtzmann as if she were thinking hard about something.  A long moment passed before Erin spoke, her voice small and quiet.  “This was nice,” she whispered.

“Yeah?” Holtzmann asked, and Erin nodded, her cheeks flushed pink again.  “Good.  I’ll be your napping buddy any time you want, gorgeous.  Especially if you wear my clothes again,” Holtzmann raised her eyebrows, staring lecherously at Erin, making her blush deeper.  

“We should … uhh … we should get out there before Abby steals all the pineapple rice.  She always tries to steal all the pineapple rice.”

“Mmm,” Holtzmann agreed.  “You might want to locate a hairbrush first, though,” Holtzmann grinned.

“What? Why?” Erin asked, getting up to look at herself in the vanity mirror at the end of Holtzmann's bed.  “Oh my god,” she said with a startled laugh, gazing at some of the wildest bed head Holtzmann had ever seen.  It looked a little bit like just her right side had been electrocuted.

Holtzmann scooted herself to the end of the bed, reaching out to wrap both her arms around Erin’s waist, pulling her back down to sit on the bed.  “It’s adorable.  You should keep it that way.”

Erin barked out a laugh.  “I don’t think so.  Not all of us can pull things off like you do, Holtz,” Erin said, letting her head drop back against Holtzmann’s shoulder.

“Well, I will take that as a compliment,” Holtzmann answered, running her fingers through Erin’s wild hair, smoothing it down and pulling out the tangles.

“You should.  It just … it seems so easy for you.”

“What seems easy for me?”

“Being you, I guess,” Erin sighed.  “Being different.  I’m not … I’m not very good at being different.”

“That’s okay,” Holtzmann answered, this whole conversation making her hurt for Erin.  Holtzmann knew how lucky she was for having a mom that had accepted her and supported her as she was growing up.  It let her become exactly who she wanted to be without ever thinking twice about what people would think.  Erin didn’t have that advantage.  

“You know,” Holtzmann said, holding Erin close, “I like you just how you are.  You don’t have to be different.  You’re already you.”

“Thank you,” Erin whispered, squeezing Holtzmann’s arm.

“It’s just the truth,” Holtzmann answered, nuzzling her face into Erin’s back for a moment.  “Come on, put clothes on. I’m hungry,” she added, giving Erin a final tight hug before pushing her up off the bed, smacking her playfully on the butt.

* * *

Everything was going so well, Holtzmann thought.  Things were starting to get easier between them, less awkwardness, more open.  Even when they went downstairs together, to the gentle teasing of Abby and Patty, Erin only blushed and laughed along.  She didn’t bolt out of the room like someone had set her shoes on fire, as she might have not so long ago.

Holtzmann gazed fondly at her over the meal.  Her hair was still a little out of sorts, but it only made Holtzmann remember the feel of her in her arms, and it made her gaze even fonder.  Yes, she was definitely falling in love.  Most certainly.  Hypothesis confirmed.  She wondered if Erin would ever feel the same way about her.  She knew that Erin liked her, was maybe even attracted to her, but it was hard to say whether it was an affection that could grow into something more.

Holtzmann decided to keep her feelings to herself, at least until she did what she had set out to and given Erin her first orgasm.  It was what she had said she would do, and so it was her number one priority.  Holtzmann would just have to put her own needs to the side -- it’s not like it was something she hadn’t done before.   

* * *

It was nearly a week before Holtzmann got the chance to be alone with Erin again.  

“Come with me,” Holtzmann insisted, tugging on Erin’s jumpsuit sleeve.  They had been on a rather disastrous bust, but their containment units were full and their clients were happy, even if they were all slimed head to toe and aching like they had been in a car crash.  They had just gotten back, hung up their proton packs and tucked away any unused equipment.  They all looked miserable.  

“Come on,” Holtzmann repeated, “I have a surprise for you.”

“Holtz, all I want is a shower,” Erin said through a sheen of green goo that left her hair plastered wetly to her head and neck.  The seat covers for the Ecto-1 had been a really good investment.  The slime really was out to get Erin in particular.

“Yes, that’s where I’m taking you.  That’s where the surprise is,” Holtzmann said with a wink.

Erin blushed beneath the goo and Holtzmann was suddenly confronted with a vision of Erin as a Vulcan with pointed ears and a green flush on her cheeks.  She had to derail that train of thought before the word T’hy’la started running roughshod across the tracks of her mind.  Note to self, Holtzmann thought, stop watching Star Trek: TOS reruns while tinkering late at night.

“Okay. As long as there’s a shower.”

“A _thorough_ shower,” Holtzmann promised, pulling Erin along by her sleeve to the bathroom closest to Holtzmann’s room.  It was a bit industrial, and actually had three showers separated into doorless stalls, but Holtzmann had it all to herself.  

There was a laundry basket just inside the door and Holtzmann was quick to divest herself of her gooey jumpsuit, throwing it in the basket.  They had all left their boots in the garage to clean later after many lessons learned about ectoplasm on the floors.  

“You’re not-” Erin started, her eyes widening as she stared at Holtzmann standing in front of her.  “You weren’t wearing clothes … under that.”  Holtzmann watched her throat work around a swallow.

“And you are?” Holtzmann raised an eyebrow.

“Yes. I am.” Erin answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, popping the snaps on her jumpsuit and unzipping it, shrugging it off to reveal a plain T-shirt and a pair of knee length leggings.  

Holtzmann laughed as Erin dropped her jumpsuit in the basket, making an unmistakable kind of wet sound as it settled.  “Well then,” she said, watching Erin’s dripping hair stain the shoulders of her shirt, “just more to take off before your surprise.”  Holtzmann stepped forward to grip the hem of Erin’s shirt, pulling it off over her head.  Erin’s hair smacked against her back with a fresh stream of ectoplasm running out of it and down her spine.  Erin gagged a little at the sensation.

“Poor thing.” Holtzmann gave her a pitying smile.  Erin had gotten the slime much, much worse than she had.  She hooked her thumbs into the waistband of Erin’s leggings, working them down her thighs, helping Erin to step out of them.  She gave Erin a questioning look, a silent request for permission, and Erin gave her a decisive nod.  

Holtzmann licked her lips and worked her fingers under the band of Erin’s sports bra, pulling it over her head.  God she was beautiful, even with ectoplasm starting to drip a trail down her sternum, between her breasts.  Holtzmann reciprocated, pulling off her own bra, then her panties too.  She thought that maybe Erin would feel more comfortable if she was naked first, even though comfort was likely the last thing on Erin’s mind with that much goo making its way into every nook and crevice.

Erin was blushing again, shivering lightly, but that could be from the chill of the bathroom, or the feel of the slime dripping over her bare skin.  Holtzmann moved slowly, placing her hands firmly on Erin’s hips, waiting a moment to see if Erin would change her mind.  But she didn’t, she simply looked expectantly, if nervously, at Holtzmann, through a layer of green.  Holtzmann slid her hands down, taking Erin’s panties with them, and knelt as Erin stepped out of them.

“Gorgeous,” Holtzmann said under her breath, but Erin clearly heard it.

“Holtz, I’m covered in so much ecto-projection I should probably be in the containment unit with the rest of the ghosts,” Erin said, shifting on her bare feet.

“Yeah, and you’re still gorgeous.  Come on, I’ll give you your surprise,” she said with a grin, leading Erin into one of the shower stalls, making sure the water was nice and hot before letting her under the stream.  Green goo sloughed off her in reams, making the drain slurp and splorch the stuff down.  

“Here,” Holtzmann grinned, handing Erin a bottle.

“This is dish soap,” Erin said, clearly confused.  Wet, and naked, and slimey, and beautifully confused.

“Uh-huh.  It’s Dawn.  Lemon scent.”  The grin refused to vacate Holtzmann’s face.

“I don’t understand.”

“Well, I know your history with getting slimed, so I decided to experiment on what human-safe cleansers were the most efficient at removing it from skin and hair.  Aaaand … Ta-da!” Holtzmann gestured triumphantly at the yellow bottle.

“Dish soap?”

“Dish soap.”

Erin still didn’t look at all convinced.  

“You’ll at least be lemony fresh?” Holtzmann shrugged.

“But, dish soap?”

This was going nowhere.  “Give it here,” Holtzmann said, grabbing the bottle back and pouring some out into her palm.  “Turn around.”  Holtzmann started to work the lemon-scented soap through Erin’s hair.  It worked a treat, removing every bit of residue in no time at all.  Holtzmann hadn’t stuck her own head in a bucket full of ectoplasm multiple times to _not_ find the best possible cleanser.  Regular shampoo took upwards of four wash and rinse cycles to get the same results as one with the dish soap.  

She steered Erin back under the water, rinsing the suds from her hair.  Erin reached up to run her fingers through her now clean wet hair.  “Okay, wow.”

“Dish soap!” Holtzmann exclaimed.

“Dish soap.”

“Do you want me to...?” Holtzmann asked, picking up a wash cloth.

Erin gave a small nod and Holtzmann soaped up the cloth.  “Close your eyes,” she said softly, gently wiping and rinsing Erin’s face first, carefully removing the green that was still staining her skin, cleaning it out of her ears.  That stuff really did go everywhere.  

The shower stall was getting steamy as Holtzmann started to run the soapy cloth over Erin’s shoulders, down her arms, lifting them in turn to get into her armpits and down her sides.  Erin was only a little stiff, still easily letting Holtzmann maneuver her around, getting every streak of slime.  She stuttered in a gasp when Holtzmann moved the cloth over one breast and its peaked, pink nipple.

“Okay?” Holtzmann asked, pausing, looking into Erin’s wide eyes.

“Uh-huh,” Erin squeaked.

Holtzmann swiped the cloth over Erin’s other breast, being sure to clean beneath them too.  She couldn’t resist leaning forward, running her tongue over one of Erin’s nipples as warm water streamed down on both of them.  “Ah,” Erin gasped, reaching out an arm to steady herself against one wall of the shower stall.  Holtzmann did it again, then wrapped her lips around that stiff nipple, sucking lightly, flicking her tongue across it.

“Oh,” Erin sighed, reaching up to put a hand in Holtzmann’s hair.  “Oh! Eww, sorry,” she said wrinkling her nose, pulling her hand back, strings of ectoplasm trailing off it.  

Holtzmann pulled back with a laugh.  “My bad.  Guess we should both actually get clean, huh?”  She put the cloth aside, pulling out the multiple elastics that kept her bun in place and put them in the soap dish.  Her blonde hair tumbled out around her shoulders.

“Your hair!” Erin squeaked. “It’s … it’s long!”

“Yes, and full of goo, apparently,” Holtzmann answered, ducking her head under the stream of water before starting to soap it up, working the suds through the length.  “You didn’t know that?”

“No, I mean with the-” Erin made a gesture on her own head spreading out her fingers, mimicking a puff or an explosion, Holtzmann wasn't quite sure. “And the goggles all the time.  I had no idea what was going on up there.”

“Huh,” Holtzmann laughed, rinsing out her hair.  “Well, now you know my secret, so I’m going to have to kill you,” she said, pulling Erin into her.  Her skin was warm and wet and slippery.  She bent her head and kissed Erin hard on the mouth, slipping her tongue past her lips.  “But, I’ll at least leave a clean corpse,” she smirked, grabbing the washcloth again, soaping it up.

She picked up where she left off, running the cloth over Erin’s stomach, down her thighs, back up over her delightful ass.  She rinsed the cloth out and gave herself a quick once over while Erin watched, her cheeks flushed.

“You missed a spot,” Erin said quietly.

“Oh?” Holtzmann asked, putting more soap on the cloth, but Erin took it away, putting it aside, instead pulling Holtzmann’s hand down to … “Ooh,” she breathed, slowly sliding her fingers through Erin’s wet pubic hair, down the curve of her mound to slip between her lips.  Holtzmann wrapped her other arm around Erin’s back to support her, crushing their mouths together.  Holtzmann swallowed the whimper Erin gave when she started to move her two fingers, one on either side of her stiff clit.

“Does that feel good?” Holtzmann whispered huskily, water dripping off her nose.  Erin’s slit was so hot and slick, and not just from the shower.

“Y-yes,” Erin moaned, her eyes squeezed shut, her body trembling.

Holtzmann was so turned on by Erin’s arousal and sudden boldness, she was sure she was going to need a second shower, even though they weren’t finished with the first.

“I want to make you feel so good you can hardly stand it,” Holtzmann said, moving her fingers faster, squeezing Erin’s clit gently between them.  Erin keened, gasped, and then froze completely, her eyes flying open, jaw clenched tight, suddenly tense and out of the moment.

“S-sorry.  God, I’m sorry,” Erin said, and Holtzmann stopped what she was doing, pulling her hand away.  “I’m just … umm … tired,” Erin said, looking disappointed, downcast and embarrassed all at the same time.

“You don’t have to make excuses with me, gorgeous,” Holtzmann smiled softly, giving Erin a sweet kiss.  “Whatever you want, whatever you’re comfortable with, is fine with me.  It’s been a rough day.”  She rinsed her hand before turning the shower off, reaching for a towel to wrap Erin in.  

“Could I maybe … spend the night?  With you?” Erin asked, pulling the fluffy towel close around her, still looking more embarrassed than she needed to.

Holtzmann’s heart lit up.  “Nothing would make me happier.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to themindisacity and [CJMorstan](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CJMorstan) for beta reading this chapter!


	3. Step Three: The Plan - Continued

Holtzmann woke up stiff, a bit disoriented, one arm numb, her nose full of fresh lemon scent and her mouth full of hair.  “Bleh.” She pushed her tongue out, using her good hand to pull a wet clump of brown hair off it.  It wasn’t the strangest situation Holtzmann had ever woken up in. In fact, as she pulled her dead arm as gently as she could out from under Erin’s still sleeping body, she thought it was a very pleasant way to wake up, indeed.

She grimaced as the blood started to flow back into her arm, giving her that painful pins and needles feeling before it slowly faded off and she could move it again.  Holtzmann sighed as she stretched her newly functional arm, thinking about the night before, the sudden turn that Erin had taken.  There weren’t even any warning signs that Holtzmann had noticed -- no discomfort or hesitation before the full stop.  It was like as soon as Erin started to feel good, she shut down entirely.  Interesting.

Holtzmann propped herself up on her side to look at Erin.  Like last time, she was so peaceful and soft, and Holtzmann couldn’t resist reaching out to brush the hair from her face.  Erin stirred, giving a little moan, blinking her eyes open.

“G’morning, sunshine,” Holtzmann said with a smile, and Erin turned her head to look at her.

“Hi,” she answered softly.

“Sleep well?”

“Mhmm.”

“I’m glad.”  Holtzmann snuggled back into Erin, throwing an arm over her waist, nuzzling into her neck.  “Do you want to talk about last night?”

“Umm,” Erin hedged.

“We don’t have to, if you don’t want.  But, the more honest you can be with me, the better.”

“Yeah, okay,” Erin sighed, rolling onto her side away from Holtzmann, but putting her arm over hers.  Holtzmann felt Erin’s warm palm on the back of her hand, and twined their fingers together.

“Was that … usual?” Holtzmann asked.

Erin nodded slowly.  “Yep.”

“Do you always stop when you freeze up like that?”

“Not _always_ ,” Erin sighed, “but … I just … once it happens I can’t … it doesn’t feel right anymore.  It doesn’t feel … sexy.”

“Okay,” Holtzmann said, pressing a kiss to Erin’s shoulder.  “Everything up to that was alright, though?”

“Yeah, everything up to that was very good.”

Holtzmann felt her stomach flip.   _That_ was what she wanted.  She wanted to be ‘very good’ for Erin, or better.  She wanted to be downright incredible because that’s what Erin deserved, and now she thought she knew exactly what to do.

“Thank you,” she said, squeezing Erin in a one-armed hug.  “Could you set aside two days to spend with me?”

“Two _days_?”

“Yes, ma’am.  And the night in the middle.”

“I mean … I’m sure I could if that’s what you think--”

“I do.”

“I’ll, uhh, look at my schedule and get back to you?”

“Excellent.” Holtzmann grinned into Erin’s shoulder.  “It’ll be like a sleepover, but with sex!”

“So, probably exactly like one of your sleepovers in high school?”

Holtzmann gave an unexpected laugh.  “Oh-ho, Erin Gilbert in with a zinger!” She quickly threw the covers off, flipping Erin onto her back, and straddling her hips.  She put her hands on Erin’s ribs, right below her breasts, pinning her down and threatening a tickling as she flexed her fingers against the smooth fabric of another borrowed shirt.

“Don’t tell me you and Abby never got a little experimental outside of the paranormal in high school?” Holtzmann asked with a knowing look, watching Erin turn bright red.  “Mhmm, that’s what I thought.  Just girls being girls,” she said with a smirk, slowly moving her hands up to cup Erin’s breasts.  She stroked her thumbs over her nipples, feeling and seeing them harden under the material of the loaned shirt.  “Perfectly natural,” she mumbled, getting distracted by Erin’s reaction to her touch.  Was this shirt always that _thin_?

She curled over Erin, kneading one breast while she opened her mouth to swipe her tongue over the other, dampening the fabric, making it go practically see-through.  Erin moaned and Holtzmann felt her own arousal hit her like an accelerated electron in a synchrotron light source (ie: hard, and _fast_ ).  She bit Erin’s nipple gently through the fabric, listening to her whimper, feeling the way she arched up into it.  Holtzmann’s breath gusted out of her in a rush as an involuntary shiver ran down her spine.

“You okay?” Erin asked quietly.

Holtzmann looked up at her, into her blown pupils, sure that hers were just as dark.  “Excellent,” she answered. “Just, you know, very turned on by you right now.  Your sexyness is becoming a problem, Erin,” she quipped before wrapping her lips back around Erin’s nipple, flicking her tongue over the increasingly wet shirt that clung to it.

“Really?”

“I’m going to start charging you for batteries if you keep it up.”

“A-ah,” Erin gasped as Holtzmann simultaneously pinched one nipple, and lightly bit the other.

“See?” She asked, sitting up, staring down at Erin.  “How am I supposed to deal with that?  It’s very alarming how attractive you are.” She grinned a bit madly.  “I don’t even know what’s going to happen to me if I can watch you come.  I’ll probably die.”  Holtzmann flopped back down on her side of the bed, draping an arm dramatically over her eyes.  “Here lies Jillian Holtzmann, slain at the peak of her life by a physicist that was too hot to handle.  At least she died happy.”

Erin giggled, rolling over to put her head on Holtzmann’s shoulder.  “You’re joking.”

“Am I though?”

“Of course you are.  I’m not really that attractive.”

“Ahh, see that’s where you’re wrong.  You are life-endingly gorgeous, and a genius to boot.  Sometimes I want to make out with your brain.”

“Gross, Holtz.”

“I’m not saying I would.  But, the urge has been there,” she said, not exactly kidding.

There was a pause as they lay there together, a moment of quiet that settled over them.  It was comfortable, familiar.  Holtzmann luxuriated in the feeling of it.  

“My shirt is wet,” Erin broke the silence.

“I believe that’s _my_ shirt,” Holtzmann corrected, “And you could always take it off.  I don’t mind.  Really.”

“Will … umm … will you touch me?  Some more?  If I do?” Erin asked as she blushed.

“Absolutely.”     

“Okay,” Erin said, sitting up to pull off the shirt, laying back down next to Holtzmann, now in just her panties.

“Mmm,” Holtzmann moaned appreciatively, running a hand over Erin’s stomach.  She threw one leg over Erin’s, snuggling into her, letting her hand roam up over Erin’s tits.  She propped herself up a little more so she could latch her mouth onto one of Erin’s nipples, sucking and running her tongue over it as Erin weaved her fingers into her hair.

God, Erin’s hand felt good in her hair.  She rocked her hips just the tiniest bit, rubbing herself against Erin’s hip.  The groan that ripped out of her throat at the contact was … unexpected.  “Fuck.” Holtzmann shivered as the sudden jolt of pleasure sparked through her.  “Sorry,” she added, noticing that Erin was now staring wide-eyed at her.

“No!” Erin blurted out.  “No, it’s -- it’s fine.  You can, umm, keep doing that, if you want to.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, it’s -- yeah.” Erin licked her lips, adjusting her grip on Holtzmann’s hair.

Holtzmann didn’t answer, just went back to worshipping Erin’s body with her hands and mouth.  She started to slowly gyrate her hips while she did, using Erin’s hip to stimulate herself.  And, oh, was she stimulated.  She could feel how hot her own cheeks were, her breathing getting rough as she pressed kisses along Erin’s collarbones, rolling a nipple between her finger and thumb.  

Erin was writhing a little under her, starting to bend her one knee up between Holtzmann’s legs until she was forced to straddle her thigh.  Holtzmann moaned at the improved contact, bending over Erin to kiss her hard on the mouth.  They both tasted stale, but neither seemed to mind as they enthusiastically pressed into it.  Holtzmann could barely hold herself  back anymore, she was so wet she was sure that Erin would be able to feel it on her leg, and her hips were starting to move of their own accord.

“I want,” Erin squeaked, “want to touch you.”

Holtzmann pulled back a little.  “Yeah?”

Erin nodded and Holtzmann felt a fresh rush of arousal storm through her body.  “God, it’s hot when you ask for what you want.  I’m all yours.”  She sat up on her knees, practically ripping her shirt off.  Erin reached out tentatively at first, her fingertips skating over the heated skin of Holtzmann’s stomach, up to brush over her breasts.  Holtzmann smiled down at her, putting her hands over Erin’s, pushing them harder against her breasts.  “I like firm touches.  Don’t be afraid to be a little rough with me.”

“Okay,” Erin breathed.  It took her a moment to start moving again after Holtzmann took her hands away, but when she did, it was with more confidence.  She kneaded Holtzmann’s breasts, sliding her thumbs over her nipples, while Holtzmann thrilled at her touch.  

She bent down over Erin, kissing her again.  They moved their mouths together as Erin pinched and tugged on her nipples.  “Yeah, like that.” Holtzmann moaned into her mouth.  

One of Erin’s hands snaked down between them, pausing briefly at the waistband of Holtzmann’s panties.  “Go on then, Gilbert, make my day,” Holtzmann said, her smug expression dissolving into an open-mouthed gasp and lopsided smile as Erin slid her hand inside, finding her clit in an instant.

“Oh my God, you’re wet,” Erin marvelled, sliding her fingers along Holtzmann’s slit, which had soaked through her panties seemingly ages ago.

“Yeah, well, a beautiful woman spent the night in my bed, asked very nicely for what she wanted, and now has her hand in my panties. Kind of -- ahh -- hard not to be turned on by all that.”

Holtzmann moaned shamelessly as Erin started to move her fingers faster over her clit in tight, perfect circles.

“Is that good?  Do you need something different?” Erin asked shyly.

“So good, gorgeous,” Holtzmann moaned. “Little faster, little harder, then don’t stop until I scream.”  Holtzmann started to move her hips with Erin’s hand, making it just right for herself, even though it wasn’t going to take much given how enthusiastic Erin was.  Nothing, _nothing_ could ever get Holtzmann hotter than a nervous lover like Erin speaking up to get and give what they wanted.  

Holtzmann was gripping the sheets tight on either side of Erin’s arms as she rocked over her, trying to keep her eyes open to see the amazing expression on Erin’s face that was half wonder, and half bashful arousal.  It was too much -- having Erin touch her.  Everything in Holtzmann was overloading and she had to shut down at least one of her senses or she was never going to make it out of this alive.  La petite mort, she thought.  The little death.  But, this one  felt like it was going to be far from little.

She buried her face into Erin’s neck, mumbling and moving her lips over her warm skin.  “That’s it.  Oh, fuck, that’s it.  Oh god, Erin.  Don’t stop.  Fuck.  Oh!” she cried out, but she didn’t hear herself.  Didn’t hear the guttural groan she gave as her orgasm sparked through her in an electric wave, her muscles twitching in a spasming rhythm again and again.  She lost herself in it.  In the feel of Erin’s fingers on her, the smell of her skin, in the way her own body reacted so powerfully to her presence and her touch.

She came back to herself with a whine and a final involuntary twitch.  She managed to push herself off of Erin enough to look her in the eye.  “You’ve done this before,” she panted as Erin slipped her wet hand out of her underwear.

“I’ve done lots of things you probably don’t know about.”

“Yeah, but … wow.  Wow!”

Erin smiled, her cheeks flushed.  She gave an awkward but genuine laugh as Holtzmann took another moment to just stare in awe at her.

Holtzmann sat up, pushing the hair out of her eyes.  “Here,” she said, taking Erin’s hand and bringing it up to her mouth.  She laved her tongue over her wet fingers, tasting herself, and popping the digits into her mouth to suck them clean.

“O-oh,” Erin gasped.

“Mmm,” Holtzmann moaned softly around her fingers.  She let her knee that was still between Erin’s legs slowly inch forward until it was pressing against the heat of her pussy, and Erin immediately rocked her hips up into it.  Holtzmann slipped her fingers from her mouth, bending down to tug Erin’s earlobe with her teeth.  “You want to keep going?”

“Yess,” Erin hissed.

“Are you wet for me?” Holtzmann purred, letting her voice drop into a low rumble.

Erin bit her lip, taking a shaking breath in through her nose as she continued to roll her hips, grinding herself up against Holtzmann’s thigh.  “Yes,” she answered, a quiver in her voice.

Holtzmann kissed along Erin’s neck, licking and biting at her earlobe, letting her feel her breath on her damp skin.  “Did making me come so hard turn you on?”

“Yes!”  Erin’s voice was rising in pitch.

“Aren’t I just a lucky girl,” Holtzmann mumbled into Erin’s ear.  “I want to touch you again.”

Erin nodded, reaching down to start to slip her panties off, only managing to get them partway.  Holtzmann shuffled herself down the bed, helping Erin get them the rest of the way off, licking her lips as she was confronted with the vision that was Erin completely naked in her bed.  Her legs were spread just enough that Holtzmann could see that Erin was absolutely not lying about being turned on.  The dark hair covering her lips was practically glistening.

Holtzmann lay down next to her, resting her head on Erin’s stomach, curling around her as she moved a hand between her spread legs.  Erin bent her knees, tilting her hips up to give Holtzmann better access.  “Just look at you,” Holtzmann whispered as she slid her fingers through Erin’s wetness.  Holtzmann could feel Erin’s breath hitch roughly.  “Shh, it’s alright.  It’s alright,” she soothed, moving so that she could see Erin’s face and Erin could see her.  “Let’s just go slow.  No expectations.”

“Yeah,” Erin said with a nod, meeting Holtzmann’s eyes.

Holtzmann moved her fingers slowly, simply exploring Erin.  She marvelled at the heat of her and the way her breathing was starting to speed up in a much more natural and less worrisome way.  She brushed her fingers lightly over Erin’s clit, circling it a couple times before sliding them back down, then up to repeat the deliberate motions.  

“That feels good,” Erin sighed, starting to slowly roll her hips into Holtzmann’s hand.

“Mmm,” Holtzmann hummed in return, starting to move her fingers just a little faster, focusing more on her clit.  She was listening to Erin’s breathing, watching her expressions closely, hoping that maybe there was a sign that she was close to shutting down.  Maybe she had simply missed it last night.  

Erin’s cheeks were flushed, her breathing starting to get quick, coming in sharp little pants as she squirmed against Holtzmann.  She was so incredibly gorgeous like this that it was easy to observe her -- to stare at the way her eyes squeezed shut and how she gripped the pillow with one hand, the other twisting into the sheets.  She was tense, but not uneasy.

“O-oh,” Erin moaned as Holtzmann focused more attention on her clit.

Holtzmann wanted to tell her how good she looked, how the noises she was making were incredible, but she decided to keep quiet, letting her actions speak for her.  She had wondered if maybe her speaking had somehow broken Erin’s focus or taken her out of the moment, leading to her freeze-up.

Erin took a shaking breath, opening her eyes slowly.  “Can … can we stop now?”

Holtzmann grinned, gently moving her hand away.  “Of course, gorgeous, whatever you want.  Can I ask why?”  

“I just … I would rather stop now before I get all weird like last night.”

“Oh, but I like you weird.  Frankly, you could stand to be a little weirder.”

“Holtz, I’m a Ghostbuster. I’m plenty weird,” Erin replied with a laugh, and Holtzmann couldn’t resist crawling up the bed to kiss that delightful, laughing mouth.

“Hmm, I know, but on a comparative weirdness scale, you come up dead last.  You could work on that.  At least get a little weirder than Patty, anyway.  She’s your nearest competitor.”

“I don’t think it needs to be a competition.”

“But it could be.  Abby would have to judge though, because I’m clearly a statistical outlier.”

“Now _that_ is true.”

“And how!” Holtzmann laughed, planting another kiss on Erin’s mouth.  “So do you get to work naked today, or do you need to borrow some clothes?”

“Actually, I have some in my locker.”

“Well, don’t you just plan for every contingency.”

“After all the slime I didn’t think I really had a choice but to keep extra clothes around.  Guess it comes in handy for impromptu sleepovers too.”

“Guess so.  I’m a little sad about the no naked Erin, though.  Not gonna lie.”

“I’m, uhh, not exactly a nudity kind of person,” Erin admitted with a look that said she realized that was a strange thing to say while currently nude.

“No? But you pull it off so well,” Holtzmann said, raking her gaze up Erin’s naked body.  “You could start a new trend.”

“How about I leave the trendsetting to you?”

“Well, naked nuclear engineering is not exactly best practices, but I’ll risk it for you.”

“You know that’s not what I meant,” Erin giggled.   

“Do I?  Because I’m pretty sure you were asking me to work naked so you could ogle me all day.  I mean, that’s what _I_ was going to do if you were working naked.  That’s what I was going to do today even if you were fully clothed.”

“Which I will be.”

“Which, sadly, you will be,” Holtzmann agreed.

Erin glanced over at the clock and sighed.  “Speaking of which, I should probably go grab my clothes before anyone else gets here.  Can I use your shower?”

“But of course.  Mi shower es su shower.”

“Thanks.” Erin smiled as she rolled out of bed, finding her underpants and slipping them on, along with the shirt she had been wearing, which was significantly drier now.  She paused with her hand on the door handle.  “Umm, and thanks.  For … the other things, too,” she said awkwardly, not looking at Holtzmann before opening the door and padding out on her bare feet.

“No, thank _you_ for spending the night, gorgeous,” Holtzmann yelled after her, making sure she was heard no matter how fast Erin was nervously scuttling half-dressed toward her locker.  In fact, Holtzmann thought as she quickly got out of bed and pulled a shirt on, that was probably an incredibly adorable sight.  She ran out of the lab, hoping to catch a glimpse of Erin wandering around their workplace in her skivvies.

That being said, Holtzmann didn’t exactly mean to spy, but she watched from around a corner as Erin pulled a stack of perfectly folded clothes out of her locker.

 

* * *

 

“Morning, Erin!” Abby said, coming in the door with a messenger bag slung over her shoulder.

“Jesus!” Erin yelped as she practically jumped out of her skin, unintentionally slamming her locker shut.  She kept her hand pressed against it, clothes clutched to her chest and head lowered as she tried to get her breath back.  “Don’t _do_ that.”

“Don’t say good morning?”

“Don’t _sneak up on me_.” Erin spun around, hissing the words out through her teeth.

“Oh my god,” Abby said, a huge smile creeping over her face.

“What?” Erin snapped at her.

“You spent the night.  You spent the night _with Holtzmann_.  She never lets anyone spend the night.”

“What are you talking about?” Erin asked, shifting where she stood, hugging her clothes closer to her chest.

“I’m serious. It’s one of her rules.”

“Rules?” Erin questioned, a look of confusion on her face.

“Wait, you never got the rules either?” Abby tilted her head, scrutinizing Erin.  “Huh, she must _really_ like you.”

“No,” Erin said with a shake of her head.  “No, I’m sure she’s just --” Erin paused at a loss for words  “--I bet it’s … umm ...”

“Uh-huh,” Abby said, raising an eyebrow.

Erin flushed up bright.  “I have to go get dressed,” she squeaked, practically running toward the bathroom, while Holtzmann hid herself just inside the door to her lab.

“Yeah, you do that!” Abby called after her.  “And don’t you break her heart, Erin! I mean it!”

Holtzmann smiled to herself.  It was just like Abby to look out for her like that.  She wasn’t too sure what to think about Erin’s reaction though.  Whether the denial was about Erin’s self-esteem, or whether she really wasn’t comfortable with Holtzmann having a massive crush on her.  It was a bit hard to say, even though all signs pointed to Erin being at least conditionally alright with Holtzmann’s attentions.

Holtzmann sighed as she leaned against the wall of her lab.  She was going to do what she had promised.  She was going to give Erin her first orgasm.  But what was she going to do if that was all Erin wanted?  Holtzmann, although she loved to do it, didn’t think she could handle being just an orgasm supplier for Erin, even if Erin gave as good as she got.  

Holtzmann knew she wanted more than sex out of this.  She thought that maybe she had known that from the start, even if she didn’t let herself believe it.  Maybe she just really thought she could distance herself from her feelings enough to do this for Erin, and then walk away unscathed.  It had never been a problem before, but now, with Erin, it was a problem big enough that safety lights and klaxons were starting to go off through Holtzmann’s entire nervous system.

_Warning.  Warning.  Proceed with caution.  Serious, possibly unreciprocated emotional attachment detected._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to themindisacity for beta reading this!


	4. Step Four: The Implementation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To increase your enjoyment of this chapter, have some lingerie references!  
> [Holtzmann](https://www.victoriassecret.com/bras/bralette/cotton-strappy-bralette?ProductID=304492&CatalogueType=OLS)  
> [Erin](https://www.victoriassecret.com/bras/lightly-lined-and-demi/perfect-coverage-bra-body-by-victoria?ProductID=306134&CatalogueType=OLS&quickView=true)

_ Your hair looks so good up like that _ . Holtzmann texted from across the lab, watching as Erin checked her phone.  Her eyes darted over to Holtzmann, a blush lighting up her cheeks.  Holtzmann just grinned at her before going back to work.

_ I can’t wait to have you all to myself this weekend _ . Was the next one on the following day.  It was only Tuesday, but Erin had agreed to spend the entire following weekend with Holtzmann and she was already through the roof with excitement.  She didn’t want to put too much pressure on Erin, but she wanted her to be thinking about it.  To get her excited, maybe in more ways than one.

_Have I ever told you you have great tits?_ _Because you do.  You have great tits_. Holtzmann continued her week-long texting blitz.  Erin only responded occasionally, but watching her read them from across the room was more than enough for Holtzmann. 

_ I can’t stop thinking about how much I want to touch you. _

_ Really? _ Erin texted back surreptitiously from the other side of the room.

Holtzmann took her time typing out the next message, enjoying the thrill of flirting so openly in front of their coworkers, and making Erin squirm just a little as she waited.   _ All I can think about is running my fingers over your soft thighs, up over your stomach, brushing over your nipples, then back down to sink my thumbs into the hollows of your hip bones. I’m not even sure I should be operating this equipment I’m so distracted by you.  I could light this whole place on fire, which would be pretty ironic really.   _

Holtzmann watched Erin’s eyes go wide as she read.  Watched her lick her lips.

_ I would like that _ . Erin answered.   _ The touching, not the fire.  _ She clarified.  _ Please don’t light anything on fire, we JUST refilled the extinguishers _ .

“No promises!” Holtzmann shouted, disrupting the relative silence of their workspace.

“No promises about what?” Abby asked, clearly confused by Holtzmann’s sudden outburst.

“Nothing!” Erin blurted out, her phone clattering onto her desk as she lost her grip on it.

“Uh-huh,” Patty said warily, looking between them. 

Holtzmann couldn’t help but grin as Erin blushed even brighter, scrabbling to pick her phone up off the desk as her fingers clearly resisted her.  “Coffee!” Erin declared.  “I’m going to go get some coffee.  Does anyone else need some coffee?” She was breathless by the end of the sentence, her phone finally in her hand.

“Oh god, yes,” Abby groaned.  “Please.”

“Good.  Good.  I’ll, uhh, be back,” Erin said, rushing out the door and presumably down to the kitchen.

_ Guess it’s a good thing I didn’t tell you about what I want to do to you with my tongue, huh?   _ Holtzmann tapped out another text.

_ Oh my god, Holtz! _ Came Erin’s reply.  She could practically hear the exasperation coming from the screen.

_ What? You want it to be a surprise? _

_ This is so inappropriate _ .

_ I know ;) Looked like you were enjoying it just a little though.   _

_ I am not going to answer that. _

Holtzmann took Erin’s response as confirmation that she was right.   _ Bring me a coffee too and I promise to only text you inappropriately outside of work hours for the rest of the week. _

_ Deal. _

 

* * *

 

Saturday morning came, and Holtzmann was thrumming with excitement about the weekend.  She set to work on her preparations, getting everything perfect before Erin was set to arrive.  

When all of the heavy lifting was done, and groceries and beer were in the fridge, she had a shower, pinned back her hair and slipped into something comfortable.  In Holtzmann’s case, comfortable was a strappy black bralette, a matching pair of boy shorts, cropped pants, a soft t-shirt, and her favourite red smoking jacket just to keep things snazzy.

She could hardly keep still while she was waiting for Erin, randomly tinkering with bits and pieces in her lab, constantly checking the clock.  She was nervous, she realized. Expectant.  She wanted everything to go so well, to give Erin everything she could, because Erin deserved the best.  She deserved her first orgasm, and more than that, she deserved to be happy and free of anxiety, even for just a short two days.  Holtzmann wanted to give all that to her.

She desperately tried not to think about exactly  _ why _ she wanted to give Erin everything. Those kinds of thoughts were currently dangerous territory, and not the kind of danger that Holtzmann liked. 

“Hi,” Erin said softly from the door of the lab, an overnight bag at her side.

“Hi!” Holtzmann grinned, putting her tools aside, walking over to take Erin’s bag and lead her back into her bedroom.  “Are you ready for an awesome weekend?”

“Yeah, sure.  I mean … what’s the plan, exactly?” 

“Well,” Holtzmann said, putting Erin’s bag down in her room, “I thought we would watch some movies, make out, eat some pizza, chill, make out some more, and then I would rock your world.  Sound good?”

“Sounds kind of great actually,” Erin said with a happy sigh.

“Perfect!” Holtzmann put her hands on Erin’s waist, leaning in to kiss her softly on the mouth.  “We could maybe move one of those makeouts up, though, if you wanted.  It’s a really loose schedule.”

“Yeah.  We could,” Erin whispered.

“I have something to show you first.”  Holtzmann smiled against her lips, grabbing her hand.  “C’mon!”

“W-whoa,” Erin yelped as Holtzmann dragged her quickly back out through the lab, then downstairs to what they called the lounge.  

Holtzmann bit the inside of her cheek, fighting a manic grin as she showed Erin her latest creation.

“Is this … Holtz, did you build a  _ blanket fort _ ?”

“Why yes, yes I did.  And not just  _ any _ blanket fort, Dr. Gilbert, but, I think you’ll find, it is one of the finest, most structurally sound blanket forts you have ever experienced.  Kitchen adjacent, with unobstructed views of the television, and a comfortable double foam and blanket base. I believe it will be more than adequate weekend accommodations.”

Ering laughed then.  Not just a giggle, but a full, hearty and heart-warming, breath-taking laugh.  “I can’t believe you built us a blanket fort,” she wheezed, wiping tears from her eyes.

“You wanna test it out?” Holtzmann said suggestively.  

“Are you kidding?  Of course I do.”    

“Right this way,” Holtzmann said, a hand on the small of Erin’s back, leading her to the opening of the fort.  Erin got down on her hands and knees, going into the fort, and Holtzmann followed after her.

“This is roomy,” Erin said, laying down on a huge stack of pillows that Holtzmann had scavenged from every corner of the firehouse.  

Holtzmann crawled on top of Erin, straddling her thighs, letting her hands sink into the pillows on either side of her head.  “I didn’t get that engineering degree for nothing.”

“Holtz, you did not take structural engineering.”

“Yeah, but I did go to seminar once about unconventional building materials.  Anyway, blanket forts are really more of an art than a solid science.”

“Right.” Erin smiled up at her.

“Oh my god, I forgot the best part!”  

“Oof.” Erin huffed as Holtzmann flattened herself out on top of her suddenly, reaching back over Erin’s head.

“Aaaand … there!” Holtzmann said triumphantly, finally reaching the switch she had hidden under the pillows.  

“Wow,” Erin said, her voice quiet and full of wonder as she stared up at the hundreds of twinkling, white christmas lights Holtzmann had strung across the roof of the fort.  

“Yeah.  Wow,” Holtzmann echoed, staring down at Erin, now softly illuminated.  Her eyes were sparkling, a smile on her face, her hair spread out in a halo around her.  She looked like a goddess.  

“Holtz, you’re staring,” Erin said when she finally looked up at her.

“Yeah.”

“You’re, uhh, not stopping.”

“Can’t.  You’re far too captivating,” Holtzmann answered, watching a blush spread over Erin’s cheeks.  

“Oh,” Erin said, licking her lips, her eyes darting over Holtzmann’s face.  “Well, umm--” she started, shifting, lifting herself up on her elbows to press a kiss to Holtzmann’s lips.  “I think you promised me makeouts, not staring.”

“I guess,” Holtzmann said, with a put-upon sigh.  

Erin winced.  “Also, I think your belt buckle might be bruising me.” 

“Oops.” Holtzmann laughed, sitting up on her knees, pulling off her belt and tossing it out of the fort.  “Have any of my other clothes done you damage?”

Erin hesitated for a second before she nodded slowly.  

“Oh yeah?” Holtzmann raised an eyebrow, “What else needs to go?”

“Just, umm, this,” Erin said, tugging on a corner of Holtzmann’s smoking jacket.  

She shrugged it off, tossing it out of the fort too.

“And this,” Erin added, pulling on the hem of her t-shirt, which Holtzmann dutifully took off.  “And these,” Erin said, biting her lip, placing a finger on Holtzmann’s thigh.  

Holtzmann just grinned, backing herself out of the fort to stand and unbutton her trousers, pushing them off her hips and kicking them to the side before she crawled back on top of Erin.  “Better?”

“Much.”

“Good.  I feel like you’re drastically overdressed now.”

“I would agree with that.”

“Well let’s remedy that situation, then,” Holtzmann said, pulling Erin’s t-shirt up and over her head, throwing it on the growing pile of discarded clothes.  Then she unzipped her jeans, tugging them off her hips and working them down her legs.  Holtzmann took a shaking breath as she knelt there, staring at Erin in her underwear.  Her  _ matching _ underwear.  They were a pleasing light blue colour, lace accents hugging her hips and cupping her breasts, and best of all a gathering of three bows on the front of the panties, another at the center of the bra.

“You’re staring again,” Erin whispered.

“Erin,” Holtzmann said, “I hate to tell you this.”

“What?” Erin asked, worry rising in her voice.

“The tiny bows.  They’re everywhere.  They’re multiplying.  I think they might be  _ breeding _ .” 

Erin visibly relaxed.  “I think they’re cute.”

“Oh, I agree.  I’m just concerned for your safety.  What if you wake up one morning suffocating in bows?”  

“Holtz.”

“I’m only looking out for you, Erin,” Holtzmann said with a smile.  “And looking  _ at _ you because, umph!”  Holtzmann licked her lips, feeling her heart beat hard against her ribs, arousal trickling hot down her spine.  Erin had worn this  _ for her _ .  Wanted to look sexy  _ for her _ , and damn was it working.  “You are unbelievably gorgeous, and I am going to eat you alive.”    

“O-oh,” Erin moaned as Holtzmann all but launched herself at her, straddling one thigh while she bit and kissed up Erin’s neck.

“It’s almost like you planned this,” Holtzmann purred in her ear, “Like you knew how crazy those tiny bows drive me.”

“I might have had an -- ahh -- idea,” Erin gasped as Holtzmann dug her teeth into her neck, sucking the skin into her mouth and leaving a purpling mark.

“Mmm, I like when you have ideas,” Holtzmann mumbled, pressing her lips to Erin’s, sliding her tongue into her mouth.  Erin felt soft and relaxed as Holtzmann ran her hands over her skin, feeling the texture of the lace as she fondled her breasts.  “You have such beautiful ideas,” Holtzmann said against her mouth.

Erin just moaned, wrapping her arms around Holtzmann, running her hands down her back.  Holtzmann could hardly believe this was the same woman who, a handful of weeks ago, was so tense that Holtzmann had been worried she was actually going to pull a muscle if she came on too strong.  It was a transformation.  Holtzmann was already proud of herself for being able to make Erin feel so comfortable with her, and she couldn’t wait until she could make her come. 

Holtzmann lost track of time as they lay pressed together in the fort, kisses turning from urgent to lazy, hands roaming over warm skin without any aim but to touch.  It was slow and perfect … until Erin’s stomach gave a loud gurgle.  Erin grimaced and Holtzmann giggled.  “Lunch break?” she asked.

“I think that would be good.  Or this is just going to get louder,” Erin said, looking accusatory at her own stomach.

“Lunch it is then!  And have I got a treat for you,” Holtzmann said crawling out of the fort and pulling her discarded t-shirt back on.  Erin crawled out after her, looking a little bit sheepish, glancing around the firehouse as if someone might see her.  “You don’t have to worry.  I told the rest of the crew I would be working on something suitably frightening this weekend.  They won’t be coming within four blocks of this place until Monday.”

“What did you tell them?” Erin asked, pulling her own shirt on, picking up her jeans, and then changing her mind and discarding them again.

“Something about capacity testing the containment unit.  You know, possible radiation burns, cataclysmic reactions, total disintegration, etc. etc.  Abby doesn’t even really ask questions anymore.  You accidentally irradiate a person  _ just a little bit _ one time, and suddenly they don’t want to be around when you get to the nitty gritty of a project,” Holtzmann said with her winning grin.  “I will admit that the decontamination showers after that one were a bit less than pleasant though.”

Holtzmann walked over to the kitchen, Erin trailing closely after her, and started pulling things from the fridge and cupboards, plugging in the machine that she had set up on the top of the counter.

Erin sat down at the small table, watching her work.  “Is that a waffle iron?”

“Oh no.  No, my poor, misguided Erin.   _ This _ is a Breville.  It’s a sandwich press.  I lived in the dorms for a little while during my undergrad and I had this absolutely crazy British roommate.”

“ _ You _ weren’t the crazy roommate?” 

“ _ I  _  was a perfectly well-behaved roommate, I’ll have you know.   _ She _ managed sneak in three pet mice, an early prototype vacuuming robot that occasionally ate perfect squares out of the carpet,  _ and _ a contraband cooking device.” Holtzmann gestured at the sandwich press.  “We ate like kings that semester,” Holtzmann said wistfully. 

“So what exactly are you making us?”

“Cheese and bacon toasties!” 

“Oh, so like a grilled cheese?” 

“A toastie is so much more than a grilled cheese,” Holtzmann mused as she started to assemble the sandwiches, slathering the outsides of the bread with butter, and filling the inside with back bacon she had cooked earlier, and loads of good, sharp cheddar.  “You’ll see, though.”  She popped the sandwiches in the preheated Breville, pushed the lid down, and latched it closed.

She poured a glass of water for herself and Erin from the jug in the fridge, and sat down at the table with her to wait.  It only took a couple minutes for the now golden brown triangles of crispy, melty goodness to be done, and Holtzmann slipped them out onto a couple of plates. 

She tried not to watch expectantly as Erin took a bite, but she did.  That’s exactly what she did, and then she failed at trying not to laugh as Erin’s eyes went wide and a hand flew to her mouth.  

“Shit, that’s hot!” Erin yelped around a mouthful of bread and steaming, molten cheese.

“I should have warned you,” Holtzmann laughed.  “But, your first toastie scorching is a formative experience.”

“I’m not sure it’s one I wanted,” Erin said after she had managed to swallow her mouthful.

Holtzmann smiled, definitely not staring at the crumb clinging to the corner of Erin’s mouth.  “Why don’t we take these back to Fort Awesome, and let them cool down a bit while you decide what you want to watch.  The whole of Patty’s Netflix account is open to you.”

“You have Patty’s Netflix password?”

Holtzmann gave a casual shrug.  “More like Patty couldn’t stop me from constantly breaking into her Netflix account so she relented and made me my own profile to, and I quote, ‘keep your sci-fi and X-Files loving ass the hell out of my documentaries.’”  Erin grinned at that, and Holtzmann grabbed their plates.  “C’mon, let’s eat at the coffee table in our underpants like true adults.”

“Well, you already built us a blanket fort, so I suppose it’s only fitting,” Erin said, picking up their glasses and following Holtzmann back into the lounge.

They ate their lunch in a companionable silence, and Erin picked something to watch, which they did from the comfort of the fort, snuggled together and propped up by mounds of pillows.  

Holtzmann wasn’t sure what Erin had picked, she was too busy watching Erin react to it.  Smiling, giggling, looking gorgeous in the glow from the television.  It was hard to care about what was actually playing, but Erin was enjoying it, and really, that’s all that mattered.  Holtzmann smiled to herself as she settled more comfortably.

 

* * *

 

“Hey,” Erin said quietly, gently shaking Holtzmann’s shoulder.

“Hrrmm,” Holtzmann grumbled, prying her eyes open, realizing that she had fallen asleep.

Erin smiled.  “I gotta get up.”

“Mmm,” Holtzmann answered, pulling Erin closer.  She had apparently thrown an arm and leg over her while she slept.

“Come on, I waited as long as I could before waking you up,” Erin said with a giggle. 

“Alriiight,” Holtzmann sighed, giving Erin one more squeeze before she rolled off of her.

Erin crawled out of the fort and Holtzmann gave a yawn and a stretch, checking the clock to find out just how long she had been out.  She certainly hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but she supposed she hadn’t exactly slept much the night before.  She had been too excited about this weekend.

It was only a couple minutes before Erin was back, laying down next to Holtzmann.  “I guess my movie choice wasn’t really your thing,” Erin said.

Holtzmann wrapped an arm back around her waist.  “Didn’t mean to offend you, gorgeous.  Guess I was just a little sleepier than I thought.  Anyway, I’m much more interested in you than in movies, anyway,” Holtzmann said, pressing a kiss to Erin’s cheek.  “Very interested in you, in fact,” she added, slipping her hand under the hem of Erin’s t-shirt, letting her fingers slide over her bare skin.

Erin bit her lip, letting her head sink back into the pillows while Holtzmann shifted to get both her hands on her, rucking her shirt up.  She bent to put her mouth to Erin’s stomach, kissing and licking as she lifted her shirt higher, following with her mouth.

Erin arched up into it, weaving her fingers into Holtzmann’s hair.  Holtzmann grinned against her skin as she pushed Erin’s shirt up above her breasts, letting her hands drift lightly back down over the fabric of her bra.  She steadied herself, biting gently on the skin over Erin’s ribs, making her moan, licking over the small mark she had made.

“What do you want?”

“You,” Erin said, her voice gone breathy.

“That is an answer with  _ a lot _ of variables.”

Erin gave a frustrated groan, briefly closing her eyes before sitting up quickly, taking Holtzmann by the shoulders and toppling her suddenly backwards.  Holtzmann could only stare up at Erin while she straddled one leg, moving her face mere centimetres away from Holtzmann’s.

“You,” Erin repeated.

“Me?” Holtzmann echoed.

“Yes, you. This. Here. Now.  _ You. _ ”

“Oh,” Holtzmann said, sure that her face was nothing but confusion.  “Erin, you’re not really making a lot of sen--”  And then Erin’s lips were on hers, forcefully insistent, her tongue slipping into Holtzmann’s mouth.  “Oh,” Holtzmann said again when Erin pulled back a little.

“Yeah.”

“Okay.  That I can do,” Holtzmann grinned, pulling Erin back down for another searing kiss, reaching to pull her shirt off, pausing briefly with her fingers on the clasp of her bra.  Erin hardly even broke their kiss to nod, and Holtzmann’s quick fingers had her bra off in seconds.  

“Hah,” Erin breathed as Holtzmann gave a sharp pinch to one nipple while her other hand slid smoothly down her back to grab a firm fistfull of Erin’s ass.

Erin’s cheeks were flushed, eyes dark, and her skin was so deliciously warm.  

“I think--”

“You know how much I love it when you think,” Holtzmann interrupted.

Erin rolled her eyes at her.  “I think you’re starting to rub off on me.”

Holtzmann barked out a short laugh at the word choice.

Erin groaned, dropping her forehead to Holtzmann’s shoulder. “You know what I mean.  What I meant.”

“I’m not sure I do.”

“Don’t tease me.”

“But I enjoy it so much,” Holtzmann said, letting her fingers slip over the soft fabric of Erin’s panties, down to press gently against her covered pussy.

Erin groaned again.

“Don’t tell me you don’t like me teasing you,” Holtzmann said quietly, starting to circle her fingers over Erin’s clit, pushing the fabric of her panties into it. “Because it’s pretty clear from here that you do.”

Erin whined, rocking back into Holtzmann’s hand.  “You’re terrible.”

“I know.”

“And I really want to make you come again.” 

Holtzmann felt her eyebrows shoot up to the very top of her forehead.  That … that had not been what she had expected to hear.  “You do?” 

Erin finally lifted her head up, nodding.  “It … umm, made me feel good.  Like, really good,” Erin admitted, her face and chest flushed up bright.

“I, uhh,” Holtzmann spluttered, at a small loss for words.  She had expected this weekend to be all about Erin, and presumed that Erin would think the same.  “I mean, if that’s what you want … I’m not going to say no.”

“I want to.”

“Well, alright then, gorgeous.” Holtzmann smiled, finally coming to terms with the fact that Erin wanted to make her come, instead of the other way around.  “You know I’m going to return the favour, right? I  _ will _ give you your first orgasm.”

“I know,” Erin smiled gently, “but, even if you can’t, I still want to.”

“Okay,” Holtzmann said.  “How do you want me?”

“Umm … like this is fine.  But, uhh, more naked. Please?”

“More naked it is!” Holtzmann pulled her t-shirt and bra off in one smooth motion.  Erin slipped her fingers into the waistband of her panties, tugging them off, then laying down on her side next to Holtzmann, a hand low on her belly.

“Is this okay?” Erin asked, sliding her hand lower while Holtzmann wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“It’s perfect.”

“Because I want to, umm … watch you.”

“Watch away, gorgeous,” Holtzmann said, squeezing Erin briefly into her.

Holtzmann drew in a shaking breath as Erin’s hand slipped lower, through her pubic hair and to her wet slit.  She bent one knee, letting her thighs fall open, hips tilted.  Erin’s fingers were like electricity on her -- bright and arcing through her system in unexpected ways.  She wondered briefly if her “attachment” to Erin somehow heightened her senses, making everything feel so incredibly good, but her thoughts were obliterated as Erin pinched her clit, tugging rhythmically on it.

“Ah-ahhh!” Holtzmann moaned, her mouth dropping open, hips rolling up into Erin’s hand.  “Th-that’s …  _ fuck _ .”  

“Is that good?” 

“Yesss.”  Holtzmann could hardly even see straight, her skin suddenly fevery hot, her fingers compulsively gripping the blankets beneath her.  She was gasping air into her lungs, her body shaking.  She wasn’t used to having someone else make her feel this way.  It wasn’t that she hadn’t had attentive lovers before, just that she was usually extremely satisfied with making someone else feel good.  Maybe, her mind latched ever so briefly onto a coherent thought, maybe that’s what Erin liked too.

“You’re really attractive like this,” Erin said so softly that Holtzmann barely even heard her.  “Not just like this,” she added quickly, “All the time.  Always.  Sometimes it’s hard to stop thinking about you.”

Holtzmann thought she had reached her peak, but oh god, if that just didn’t send her higher.  “I feel -- hah -- feel the same about you, gorgeous. F-fuck keep … doing that,” She stuttered.  

Erin did.  In fact, she sped up, moving her fingers quickly and firmly over Holtzmann’s clit, making her whole body throb.  It felt so good, and that peak Holtzmann had climbed up to, it was like she had been dropped straight off it as she came.  She was soaring, blissful, then crashing hard down into her twitching, groaning, volatile body.

“Hah.  Hah!” Holtzmann panted, slowly coming back to herself.  “Did I tell you last time how good you are at that?”

“Yes.  You did.”

“Awesome,” Holtzmann said, still getting her breath back.  “Because holy shit you’re good at that.”

“Well, thank you,” Erin said, pulling her hand away slowly.

“Oh let me grab,” Holtzmann said, turning to fish around for the box of tissues she had stashed in the fort.  “Yeah, or that.  That’s the sexier option,” She added, her eyes going wide as she turned back to see Erin delicately licking her fingers clean.  “Definitely the sexier option,” She mumbled, rolling over to face Erin, pulling her hand away from her mouth and kissing her hard, tasting herself.

“I’m not sure you’re allowed to get any sexier.”

“Oh?” Erin asked.

“You’re a loose canon, Gilbert,” Holtzmann said. “I’m gonna need you to turn in your badge and gun.”

Erin laughed at that as they let their limbs tangle together.  It was all warm bare skin and the smell of Erin’s perfume, and absolute comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my wonderful beta readers [Jaimi](http://archiveofourown.org/users/jaimistoryteller/profile) and themindisacity.


	5. Step Five: The Implementation - Continued

They spent the afternoon snuggled together, watching Netflix, occasionally pinning each other to the floor of the blanket fort with heated kisses and wandering hands until well into the evening.  

“Oooh pizza’s here!” Holtzmann exclaimed with a clap of her hands as the doorbell echoed through the firehouse.  She scrambled to pull her panties and a shirt on and darted for the door.

“Holtz,” Erin shouted after her, “Holtz, you’re not wearing pants! You’re going to traumatize the poor pizza guy.”

“Bet they’ve seen worse!” Holtzmann called back.

 

* * *

 

 

“Dinner,” Holtzmann said, putting the pizza box down on the coffee table. “And--” she added, waving a piece of paper -- “The pizza girl’s number.”

“ _ Holtz _ ,” Erin said, her eyebrows doing that concerned and a bit angry thing they did.

“What? She’s over 18.  I asked.” Holtzmann hid her grin behind the slip of paper.

“You shouldn’t ask random delivery people for their phone number.  Especially not when they’re working.”

“I didn’t ask.  _ She _ offered.  She was pretty cute too in that little delivery visor and ill-fitting workshirt.  I just might give her a jingle on Monday.”

“ _ Holtz, _ ” Erin warned.  

She’d just been playing around, but Erin was starting to sound legitimately … jealous.  That was an interesting development.  Part of her wanted to push it further, see if it was really jealousy that was making Erin act so strangely, but the more sensible side of her (which she usually told to look away while she blew something up) told her to cut it the hell out before Erin was actually upset with her.

“I’m kidding,” Holtzmann reassured her, ripping up the slip of paper and throwing it in the air like confetti.  “See? Poof! Goodbye cute pizza girl.  I wasn’t really going to call her and I told her as much.  She insisted I take her number in case I reconsidered.  Come on, I’ll grab us some beers and let’s eat this before it gets cold.”

“Yeah,” Erin agreed, finding her own shirt and pulling it on.  “What kind of pizza did you get us, anyway?”

“Ham and pineapple!” Holtzmann sing-songed, coming out of the kitchen with two frosty beers from the fridge to see the disgusted look on Erin’s face.  “ _ Half _ ham and pineapple, and half onion, banana peppers, and black olives.  Which, if you ask me, is the real disgusting choice here.” Holtzmann passed a beer to Erin, then cracked her own, sipping the foam from the top of it.

“Well, I’ll eat any toppings that have migrated to your side if you promise not to let any pineapple near my slices.”

“Now that is a deal,” Holtzmann said, sitting down at the coffee table and opening the pizza box.  She rubbed her hands together before she grabbed a piece from her half, watching Erin do the same.

 

* * *

 

A few beers and a few slices of pizza later they were both full, cheeks warm and pink from the alcohol.  

“God, you’re pretty,” Holtzmann said while Erin finished off her beer.  Her slender fingers were wrapped so gracefully around the can.  Holtzmann didn’t even know how holding a can of beer could be in any way graceful, but there was Erin, with her graceful-looking fingers, pulling it off.  

“Oh, umm, thank you,” Erin said, her cheeks flushing a little brighter.  She licked her lips, leaving them shiny, irresistible, and Holtzmann leaned forward until she could press a kiss to those lips.

“I have another surprise for you, whenever you’re ready for something different,” Holtzmann said against her mouth.

“Oh yeah?” Erin asked. “What is it? Chocolate milk? Colouring book?”

“Aha, I see.” Holtzmann nodded, one eyebrow raised. “Because of the blanket fort.”

“Yes, because of the blanket fort.”

“Well, I’m not telling.  It’s a surprise, after all.”  Holtzmann stretched her arms out above her head, then let herself fall back onto the floor.

“How about a hint?” Erin asked, peering down at her.

“Nope.”

“Just a little hint?”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Come on,” Erin scooted herself closer, and Holtzmann shut her eyes, remaining stoically quiet. “Holtz. ...Holtz, give me a hint.” Erin huffed in mock frustration. “Fine.  I’ll just have to tickle it out of you,” Erin said, her fingers suddenly digging into Holtzmann’s sides.  Those very same fingers that Holtzmann had been admiring just moments ago.  Treachery!  Betrayal! 

Holtzmann arched off the floor, batting uselessly at Erin’s arms while rendered breathless with laughter.  She held out as long as she could, but soon she was begging for mercy.  “Fine! Aahaha … fine!  I’ll show you!  I’ll just show you,” Holtzmann panted, and Erin stopped her attack.

“Good,” Erin said brightly.

“It’s upstairs.  Let me catch my breath first, you ruthless woman.”

“I learned it from you.”

“Mmm.  Good.”  Holtzmann took a moment to get the air back into her lungs before she sat up.  “Alright, then, let’s go see your next surprise.”

She led Erin upstairs to her bathroom.  “Aaaaaand, here it is!” Holtzmann said, sweeping her arm to show off the gleaming white claw-foot tub that now occupied one of the shower stalls.  The plumbing had been rerouted to allow it to fill and drain with greater ease, and Holtzmann had even found a small table to put next to it for beers, or bath stuff, whatever.

“I … where did you get this?”

“Where I get all my cool stuff.”

“So, an alley?”

“Yeah, but like a fancy alley, clearly.  An alley with some class.”

“Is it ...clean?”

“Cleaned, sanitized,  _ and _ refinished.  It lives here now.  I’m thinking a full-on hot tub on the roof next, as soon as Kevin forgets how difficult this was.”

“ _ Kevin _ got this up here?” Erin gawked.

“Kevin, his boyfriend, and two of their equally muscular friends.  I just casually mentioned that I didn’t think they could do it with just four people, and  _ bam _ , upstairs bathtub.”

“Wow.”

“Dudes, right?”

“I wish I could have seen that,” Erin mumbled under her breath.

“There was more grunting involved than I really wanted to be subject to.”

“Oh,” Erin said, her eyes glazing over briefly.

“Hey now, present company,” Holtzmann said.

“Oh.  Oh right, sorry,” Erin said, two thoughts away from needing to wipe drool off her chin.

“So, what do you think? Bathtime?”

“Yeah,” Erin said with a soft smile, “I think that would be lovely.”

“Awesome.”  Holtzmann grinned while she went to turn the taps, starting the tub filling.  She turned on the stereo she kept on the bathroom counter for some ambiance.  It was important to have at least one stereo in every room, especially when dancing was important to your thinking process. And your flirting process.  And, actually, most other processes too, Holtzmann thought.

“Come on now, Gilbert, you’re not going to have a bath like that, are you?” Holtzmann asked, gesturing to Erin’s shirt and panties.

“No,” Erin shot back, “are you?”

“Not my bathtime, gorgeous.  This is for you.”

“Oh.” Erin blinked. She sounded and looked dejected.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just … umm … thought it would be nice if…”

“If what?”

“If we had a bath … together.  I thought that was, but, I guess not.”

“Hey, whoa now,” Holtzmann said, taking Erin’s hands in hers and waiting until she made eye contact.  “All you had to do was ask, okay?  That’s all you ever have to do.”

Erin gave her a trembling smile. “Yeah?”

“Of course, gorgeous.  This is all about you, and I can do my best to think about what you'd like, but you’re the expert.  So, let’s get naked.”

“Okay,” Erin laughed, pulling off her shirt and slipping her panties off her hips.  Holtzmann did the same before checking the water temperature in the tub and turning off the tap.  “You should get in first,” Erin said, her cheeks still flushed.

Holtzmann shrugged and did as she said, climbing into the tub and sinking down into the hot water.  It was a roomy tub, perfect for relaxing, Holtzmann thought as she put her arms up on the rolled rim, watching Erin watch her.

Erin hesitated for a moment before she came over and stepped into the tub.  Holtzmann expected her to sit on the opposite side, maybe with their legs tangled together, but instead Erin lowered herself down between Holtzmann’s legs and leaned back against her chest.  She settled herself in, resting her head on Holtzmann’s shoulder.  

“You picked a good tub,” Erin said, stretching her toes against the far side of it.

“Picked a good bath buddy too,” Holtzman replied with a grin, admiring the way the water lapped against Erin’s skin just above her breasts.

Erin just smiled in response, giving a contented little sigh as she closed her eyes.

Holtzmann’s heart started to beat a little faster.  She wondered if now would be a good time to admit that she was in over her head here.  That this had somehow become much, much more than Holtzmann had ever intended it to be.  That juuust maybe, she had accidentally fallen in love with Erin.

“Thank you for this weekend,” Erin said quietly, reaching across her chest to caress Holtzmann’s arm, water dripping from her fingertips.

“You’re welcome, gorgeous,” Holtzmann answered, the moment gone for her.  She would just have to save her confession for another time, as originally planned.  She had work to do, anyway.  She pressed a kiss behind Erin’s ear, moving her arms under the water to wrap loosely around Erin’s waist.  “You wanna heat this bath up, or do you just wanna chill?”

“I would like to chill,” Erin answered.

“Wonderful choice.”

“I feel like you would have said that no matter what I answered.”

“I will neither confirm nor deny that.”

Erin giggled, making the bathwater slosh around a little.  Holtzmann loved the sound of Erin’s giggle, and the way her face crinkled up when she smiled.  There was really only one other look that Holtzmann desperately wanted to see on Erin’s face -- what she looked like when she came.  Holtzmann gave a wistful little sigh just thinking about it, pressing her face into Erin’s shoulder while she imagined what she might look and sound like.

“What are you thinking about?” Erin asked.

“You,” Holtzmann answered honestly.  She didn’t see any reason not to.

“What about me?”

“How much I want to see you come.”

“O-oh,” Erin whispered.

“It’s going to be awesome.”

“You know, it’s not that big a deal,” Erin said, shaking her head.  She sounded almost sad.

“I’m not sure that’s true.  Not for you, anyway.  I mean, you came to me, right?  You want to have an orgasm.”

“Yeah, but, I mean, if you want to not do this anymore … if it’s too much trouble.”

“Erin,” Holtzmann said seriously, “You work so hard not to cause anyone trouble that I doubt you could if you tried.  I  _ offered _ you this, remember?  Offered you whatever you needed, whatever it took.”

“Yeah, but I’m taking up so much of your time.”

“Uhh, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m having an amazing time with you.  Even if you exclude what you did to me with those wicked fingers, I still like hanging out with you  _ and _ making you feel good.”

“Do you really?”

“Of course I do, you absolute nut bar.  You, and Abby, and Patty … you’re my best friends.  I mean --” Holtzmann grimaced -- “You’re also my only friends, but that just makes you even more important to me.”

“You guys are my best friends too,” Erin said with a sigh.  “I thought I had friends before, but I don’t think they were really my friends at all.”

“It’s okay, gorgeous.  We’ve all had people like that.”

“I feel like that’s all I’ve had before you guys.  Except Abby.”

“Maybe, but now you have us.  All of us.  You know we’d do anything for you.  I’d kill a man, if you asked.  Is there anyone you want dead? Just say the word. I’m your girl. No questions asked.”

“Holtz,” Erin laughed.

“I could even make it look like an accident.  Freak, industrial, regular.  It’s dealer’s choice, really.”

“Holtz,” Erin repeated, “You can stop now, I get the point.”

“Are you sure? Because it’s a really important point.  I want you to know how much you mean to me.  I’m deadly serious, Erin.”

“I know, Holtz,” Erin said, tilting her head back to look at Holtzmann, reaching up with one hand to twist her fingers into Holtzmann’s hair.

Holtzmann smiled down at her.  It felt good to know that Erin considered her a friend, a best friend even, but part of Holtzmann struggled to be satisfied with it.  She knew she couldn’t be until she found out, for sure, whether or not she had a chance for something more with Erin.  Holtzmann knew that was what she really wanted.  But, she also knew that if Erin said no -- that she could never love Holtzmann like that -- then she would have to get over it and be the best friend to Erin that she could be.  Erin didn’t owe her anything just because she went and fell in love with her.

“The water is starting to get cold.” Erin said.

“Mmm … and just when I was starting to get comfortable.”  Holtzmann nuzzled into Erin’s neck and held her close while Erin worked her fingers deeper into Holtzmann’s hair, nails grazing her scalp.  Holtzmann moaned softly, letting her hands slip over Erin’s body under the water, down to the insides of her warm thighs.

“Let’s at least get out of the bath first,” Erin said with a smile.

“But I haven’t even gotten the chance to put my hands all over you in the guise of cleanliness.”

“Then put some more hot water in this thing before we freeze to death.”  

“But you would be such a cute Erin-sicle.”

“Uh-huh,” Erin said, reaching for the plug with her toes, successfully grasping and pulling it, starting the water rushing down the drain.

“Oooh, monkey toes.  Sexy.”  

Erin shifted in the tub, scooching forward then standing.  Holtzmann followed suit, the lukewarm water draining ticklishly around their calves.  She grabbed the bottle of body wash she had left on the side table, and squirted some onto a bath puff, starting to lather it up with her wet hands.

“Not dish soap this time?”

Holtzmann snorted.  “The dish soap is only for special slime-related occasions.”

“Of course.  I should have known.”  Erin smiled, stepping closer to Holtzmann in the tub before she turned around, twisting her hair and holding it off her neck with both hands.

Holtzmann gave an appreciative little rumble before she started to move the bath puff over Erin’s skin, working it quickly down her back, her sides, over her ass and down her thighs.  She pressed herself flush against Erin’s soapy back and reached around to wash her front, following the puff with her hand as she trailed it over the swell of her breasts.  Erin leaned back into her as Holtzmann kept going, tenderly soaping her up.

When Erin was sufficiently sudsy, Holtzmann turned the tap on nice and warm and rinsed out the puff, trading it out for a container that she filled.  She let the warm water pour slowly over Erin, letting it sluice down her soapy skin and rinse her clean.  She gave herself a rinse too before wrapping her arms around Erin, pressing her mouth to her wet shoulder.  

“Can your monkey toes get the plug back in?”

Erin laughed but did as Holtzmann had requested, the tub slowly starting to fill back up with steamy water.  They sunk back down into it, and Holtzmann turned the tap off when the tub was full.

“This is much better,” Erin said with a contented sigh, her skin turning pink with the heat of the water.

“Well, let me see if I can make it even nicer for you,” Holtzmann said, moving her hands to Erin’s shoulders.  She started to knead and massage her tense muscles, feeling how stiff they were even after soaking for a while already.  Apparently the tense shoulders were simply a part of the whole Erin package.  She worked at Erin’s stiff muscles, moving her fingers over them, hoping the heat of the bath would help to relax her.

Holtzmann dug her thumb into a knot, pulling a deep, sensual moan from Erin that made Holtzmann’s heart thud inside her chest.  “That’s a new one,” Holtzmann said, sure that her voice sounded weak and breathy.  She  _ felt _ weak and breathy after hearing that noise resonate from seemingly deep within Erin.

“That hurts so much.  So good,” Erin groaned.

Holtzmann swallowed dryly, working her thumbs deeper as the bathwater lapped around her waist.  She could no longer expect what things about Erin were going to take her breath away.  It was a constant buzz of pleasant surprise and increasing affection … not to mention arousal.

“Mmm,” Erin moaned again.

“You’re going to have to stop that.”  Holtzmann leaned forward to press a kiss to the wet skin between Erin’s shoulder blades.

“What? Why?” Erin asked, her voice taking a panicky edge.

“Because I’m going to have to touch myself inappropriately right here in this tub if you keep it up.”

“Oh,” came Erin’s soft reply.

“Either that or I’m going to have to start touching  _ you _ inappropriately.”

“It wouldn’t be  _ so _ inappropriate.”

“No?” Holtzmann queried, letting her hands slip from Erin’s shoulders, around to cup her breasts.  “Tell me more about how me touching you is proper behaviour.  I’m fascinated.”  Holtzmann grinned against Erin’s skin, dipping one hand below the water to slide her fingers along the crease of Erin’s thigh.

“Now you’re twisting my words.”  The smile was clear in Erin’s voice.

“I would never.  ...Well, not unless it was convenient for me.”

Erin laughed and leaned her head back against Holtzmann’s shoulder, the ends of her hair dipping into the water.  Her cheeks were flushed and she looked so happy, so comfortable, and Holtzmann couldn’t help but give her a wild grin.  “What do you say we dry off and I take you to bed?”

“I say yes.”

“I’ll even let you choose.”

“Choose what?” Erin asked as she stood up carefully, a little water sloshing over the edge of the tub.

“Choose which bed.  We’ve got two to pick from, after all.”

“Two?”

“Yeah,” Holtzmann answered, stepping out of the tub after Erin and grabbing a thick towel to wrap her in.  “My room, or Fort Awesome.”

“I think --” Erin paused, pulling the towel close around her -- “The blanket fort.”

Holtzmann pulled the plug on the bath and grabbed her own towel.  “You are continuing to make  _ excellent _ decisions today, Gilbert.  I am pleased, but not surprised by this.”

“Should we, umm, stop in your room for pyjamas, or…”  Erin moved closer to Holtzmann, her towel still pulled close, but she was chewing on her bottom lip, looking at Holtzmann expectantly.

“Or.  Definitely or,” She said quickly, closing the distance and kissing Erin hard, slipping her tongue past her lips.  Holtzmann’s towel dropped to the floor, but she couldn’t care less, she simply pulled Erin and her towel closer.  “I want to do such terrible, wonderful things to you.”

“Then let’s go somewhere more comfortable.”

“Done.” 

Holtzmann grabbed Erin’s hand, leading them barefoot back downstairs to the blanket fort, throwing Erin’s towel off and tumbling inside.  She kissed her almost frantically, her warm skin smelling like soap, but not the same way Holtzmann ever smelled with that same soap.  Human chemistry was truly a marvel.   

She kissed her way down Erin’s body, stopping to bite gently at her hipbones, her hands slipping over her thighs, encouraging her legs open.  She moved lower slowly, giving Erin time to protest.  She didn’t.  Holtzmann glanced up at her for reassurance anyway, and got one decisive nod from an Erin still flushed bright from the bath.  It was all she needed.

Holtzmann gave an enthusiastic lick from Erin’s perineum all the way up to her clit while keeping Erin’s lips spread gently open with her thumbs.  Erin keened.  Holtzmann did it again.  Then one more time for good measure before she started to focus on Erin’s clit, rolling her tongue across it, giving it experimental flicks.  She could already hear Erin’s breathing going rough in the way that told her it felt good.

Then Erin’s fingers were in her hair.  Ohh, Holtzmann thought, things were really getting good now.  She loved Erin’s fingers in her hair, and wanted nothing more in the world than for Erin’s spasming hands to be gripping fistfulls of it when she finally came.  She didn’t care if it hurt.  Didn’t care if Erin used her hair as handles to direct her mouth.  Holtzmann worried briefly if she might be getting a little obsessed with the hair thing, but it just made her feel incredible.  Glowing.  Practically radioactive.

But then Erin was tugging on her hair, pulling her away from voraciously devouring her pussy.  Holtzmann let herself be lead, looking up at Erin from between her legs.

“Holtz,” Erin said, looking uncomfortable.

“What is it, gorgeous?”

“I think I changed my mind.  I’m too tired for this, and I had those beers, and--”

Holtz wiped her chin off with the back of her hand.  “No worries,” she said with a reassuring smile.  “You changed your mind is always enough of an answer.”

“Thanks,” Erin said, sitting up and pulling a blanket over herself.  “Can I have another kiss though?”

“Literally anytime.”

Holtzmann leaned into her, giving her a slow kiss on the lips, tender, letting her know that everything was just fine.  Erin was smiling when she pulled back.

“I am guessing that you would like some pyjamas now. Overnight bag, yeah?”

Erin nodded and Holtzmann grinned, strutting naked out of the blanket to go fetch Erin’s bag out of her room for her.  She was a little disappointed, sexually frustrated, but those were her own problems.  She never wanted Erin to do anything she didn’t want to, or anything she wasn’t enjoying fully, so if Erin said stop, it was stop with no questions asked.

Holtzmann pulled on some fresh underpants and a baggy t-shirt and grabbed Erin’s bag, slinging it over her shoulder and carrying it downstairs to deposit next to Erin.  She looked better now, less stressed, her hair still a little damp on the ends.  

“Could we watch something, do you think?  I like to have the tv on sometimes when I’m going to sleep.”  Erin asked as she pulled on a pair of blush pink panties, and an old t-shirt with a faded print on the front.

“Wait.  Erin.  What does your shirt say?”

Ering blushed a little but turned so that Holtzmann could read the faded text.   _ Particle physics gives me a hadron _ .  Holtzmann lost it.  Entirely.  “That’s the best shirt I’ve ever seen in my life,” she choked out as tears blurred her vision and she fell to the floor laughing.  “Particle physics gives me a hadron.  A hadron!  Oh my god.  It’s my favourite.  You’re the best.”

“It’s not that funny,” Erin said, now laughing at Holtzmann’s reaction.

“But it is.  It is!” Holtzmann wheezed, trying to pull herself together.  “Because you’re a physicist, and you love it so much. Ohh,” she sighed, “You have made my day in any number of ways, gorgeous.”

“Well I’m glad that my shirt could give you a laugh.”

“It did,” Holtzmann said, finally catching her breath, wiping the tears from her eyes.  “You were asking me something before --” Holtzmann gestured at Erin’s shirt.

“I asked if we could watch something.”

“Right.  Right right right.  Absolutely.  Anything in particular?”

“You choose.”

“Ooooh choices.  How do you feel about Star Trek?”  Holtzmann waggled her eyebrows, picking up the remote.

“Positively.”

“Excellent.  Star Trek it is.  Original series or are you more of a Next Generation girl?”

“Voyager,” Erin answered decisively.

“Full of surprises!”

Erin shrugged before she settled down into the blanket fort, fluffing up the pillows.  “I kind of had a bit of a thing for Seven of Nine.”

“A woman after my own heart,” Holtzmann said, remote to her chest.  Erin smiled at her and Holtzmann cued up a few episodes for them to watch before she laid down too.

Erin snuggled in close to her, yawning, and Holtzmann watched as she drifted off to sleep, the glow of the television playing on her skin.     

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to my team of lovely betas for this chapter including [Jaimi](http://archiveofourown.org/users/jaimistoryteller/pseuds/jaimistoryteller), themindisacity, and _one who shall not be named_.


	6. Step Six: The Results

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are some lingerie references for [Erin](http://www.lasenza.ca/lightly-lined-full-coverage-bra-11075364.html) and [Holtzmann!](http://www.lasenza.ca/sport-bra-with-mesh-keyhole-11082787.html)

The next morning, Holtzmann and Erin slept late, waking up warm and tangled inside the blanket fort.  Holtzmann pulled Erin closer, burying her face in her chest and that hilarious t-shirt to breathe her in.  She loved waking up with Erin.  It made her heart feel full and her stomach fluttery, although she supposed that second one might have more to do with needing some breakfast.  Holtzmann stretched out, yawning, hearing her various joints pop.

“Oh. Oh god your breath.” Erin winced.

“Sorry,” Holtzmann laughed, rolling over.  “I’ll go scrub up.”

“I should too,” Erin said, a hand over her mouth.

“Well get your toothbrush, gorgeous.  I’ll meet you upstairs.”

Erin nodded and Holtzmann crawled out of the blanket fort, making her way up to her bathroom.  The tile was cold on her bare feet, but one look at the tub and Holtzmann was toasty inside just thinking about the night before.  She pulled her toothbrush from the holder and squeezed some toothpaste onto it, starting to brush her teeth just as Erin walked in.

“Umm, do you mind…?”

“Mmph ap ahh,” Holtzmann said around her toothbrush.

Erin came over and stood next to her, borrowing some toothpaste and began brushing her own teeth. It made Holtzmann feel strange in a good way.  It felt … intimate.  Somehow just standing next Erin, both sleep mussed and comfortable and brushing their teeth felt  _ more _ intimate than any of the other things they had done together.  

Holtzmann had never really experienced anything like it before.  Sure, she’d had sex with a lot of women.  So many, in fact, that she might not know the actual number except for the tattered notebook of names she kept.  Well, mostly it was names -- a few were just physical descriptions for the times when names hadn’t seemed important.  But, she had never really done  _ this. _  This sort of just being together.  It was never something she knew she wanted, but now with Erin, it seemed suddenly like a large part of what she wanted in life was missing.  She didn’t just want sex, she wanted a girlfriend and all of the everyday intimacies that came with it.

She wondered why she hadn’t realized it before.  Why it had taken Erin and this moment to discover that she was no longer as satisfied with her personal life as she had been before.  Maybe it was because she was older now.  She hadn’t paid any particular attention when she’d crossed the 30 mark a few years ago, but maybe some of her had.  Maybe settling down and having a partner was now more appealing.  Or, maybe it was just Erin.  Was it possible, Holtzmann thought, that out of so very many women, not a single one of them was as much a match for her as Erin was?

It seemed ridiculous.  Holtzmann barely believed in long-term monogamous relationships -- let alone something that seemed more closely related to a  _ soulmate _ .  And yet, here she was, and here was Erin next to her, spitting toothpaste foam into the sink and making Holtzmann’s insides light up like neon.  

“Holtz, you’re staring.”

“Huh?”

“And there’s toothpaste all over your chin.”  Erin laughed as she reached out to wipe Holtzmann’s face with her fingers, rinsing them in the sink.  Holtzmann hadn’t even managed to process her thoughts from before, let alone the fact that Erin was wiping toothpaste off her face, so she just kept staring.  “Oh, shit. That was weird, wasn’t it?”  

Holtzmann blinked, holding up a finger to Erin as she spat out her mouthful of toothpaste and took a sip of water to rinse.  “What do I keep telling you about weird, Gilbert?”

“That I could stand to be more of it?” Erin hazarded.

“Exactly.”  Holtzmann grinned, then kissed Erin softly on the lips.  “Mmm … minty fresh.”

“Yes, much better.”

“I’m gonna have a quick shower.  You wanna join me or you wanna take turns?”

“Let’s take turns.  I saw a couple emails I should answer and I’d like to get that done.”

“I’ll let you know when the bathroom’s all yours, in that case,” Holtzmann said, giving Erin another quick kiss before she left.  Holtzmann watched her go in her decades old t-shirt and adorable pink panties.  And  _ that ass _ , in particular, unf.

Holtzmann stripped and got in the shower.  This weekend was becoming more than she ever thought it would be.  A good time, some bonding, a bit of sex -- that was all going to plan, but Holtzmann’s thoughts about this whole Erin situation were taking a turn.  It wasn’t that she was going to abandon the plan, no, it was more about what the hell was going to happen after.  

She was sure she could make Erin come, as long as she was still willing to try, but she couldn’t figure out what that next step should be.  Should she just ask her out and see how things went?  What if Erin said no right then and didn’t even give it a chance?  

Holtzmann sighed and tried to let the hot water soothe her.  It had never been this complicated before.   _ Nothing _ had ever been this complicated before.  She grasped Quantum Field Theory with more certainty than this particular kind of social interaction.  The kind where it mattered deeply to her what the other person thought.  That was rarely a concern for Holtzmann.  Most other people could fall off the face of the Earth and Holtzmann thought she might not even notice until she got hungry enough.  It was different with Erin.  

The gulf between friends (even friends with toe-curling benefits) and girlfriends seemed wider than ever as Holtzmann sighed and turned off the tap.  She didn’t know who to ask for advice, or even what exactly you might Google for some legitimate help with something like this.  

“So there’s this girl I’m kinda in love with, and we have sex sometimes, but also we’re coworkers and I don’t know if she likes me as much as I like her and I want her to be my girlfriend, but I don’t want to risk the friendship.  Help, Internet?!”

Yeah.  That was probably not the best option and even Holtzmann could see that.

 

* * *

 

A while after breakfast, which only went a small way toward calming the fluttery feeling Holtzmann felt in her stomach every time she looked at Erin, they were back in the blanket fort.  Erin’s damp hair framed her face, and she was wearing a comfortable looking grey t-shirt, and (inexplicably to Holtzmann) jeans.  Holtzmann had decided that today called for underwear and nothing but underwear, but she had at least put on a cute set.

“So, what’s the plan, gorgeous? I’m fresh out of surprises for you.  You know, unless you’re counting the part of today where I make you come as a surprise.  I’m not, for the record.  It’s more of a promise.” Holtzmann grinned widely, giving Erin a wink too.

Erin blushed straight up to her bangs, which Holtzmann considered a compliment at this point.

“I don’t kn -- we could, umm.  We could do … that,” Erin said.

“Before noon?  Wild.”

“Shut up.  You’re the one that mentioned it.”

“I did.  Mostly because it’s all I think about,” Holtzmann said with a sigh, stretching herself out on the floor of the blanket fort.  She raked her eyes up Erin’s seated form.  “You’re going to need to be wearing less clothes.”

Erin didn’t answer, but she crawled out of the fort, shimmying her jeans off and pulling her shirt off too.

“Oh.  Oh wow,” Holtzmann said, sitting up to kneel to get a better look at Erin.  She was in matching lingerie again, blush pink, lacey.   _ Very _ lacey.  Of course there were the ubiquitous tiny bows, but only two this time -- which seemed a more reasonable amount of bows per item than Erin’s other set.  The panties hugged her hips perfectly and Holtzmann’s mouth started to water.  

“It’s nothing special,” Erin said, holding her arms awkwardly.

“Agree to disagree, gorgeous.  Are you coming back in here or do I need to come get you?  Because I need to touch you  _ immediately _ .”

Erin blushed furiously but crawled back into the fort, kneeling in front of Holtzmann.  “Fucking gorgeous,” she mumbled, running her hands up Erin’s sides starting at her thighs.  Holtzmann buried her face in Erin’s cleavage, one arm wrapped around her back, the other venturing down to grab a handful of Erin’s barely-covered ass.  She kissed her way up Erin’s neck, nibbling, licking her way to bite and tug on Erin’s earlobe, making her gasp.

“First I’m going to kiss you.  Strip you.  Worship every bit of you with my hands and mouth.  I’m going to use my tongue on you, make you dripping wet and desperate.  Then, then I’m going to put my fingers inside of you and fuck you until you can’t help but come for me.  You want it?” Holtzmann rumbled in her ear.

Erin’s eyes were glazed over, her cheeks and ears bright red and her mouth slack.  “God, yes,” she said, trembling.

“Awesome.” A lascivious smile overtook her face.  “Because I want you so bad.  Want to see you come,” she said, pressing her mouth to Erin’s neck, flicking her tongue out to taste her.

Erin moaned softly, tipping her head back.

“That’s it, gorgeous,” Holtzmann urged, kneading Erin’s ass with one hand, the other snaking between them to run her fingers over the lacey cups of Erin’s bra.  “I’m going to make you feel so good.  Take such good care of you.  Just let it all go.  You’re so beautiful.  So beautiful and you deserve absolutely everything,” Holtzmann babbled as she kissed over Erin’s shoulders.

“Holtz,” Erin said, her voice breathy.  Holtzmann paused and looked up into her blown pupils.  “Not that I don’t appreciate it, but please shut up and fuck me already.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Holtzmann replied, a pleased smirk on her face.

She pulled back for a moment, staring at Erin’s body, taking in every detail before she surged forward.  She put her hands in Erin’s hair while she kissed her hard, urgently, pushing her tongue into her mouth to deepen the kiss.  Erin moaned, steadying herself with her hands on Holtzmann’s hips.

“That’s better,” Erin panted when Holtzmann briefly broke their kiss.

“Good.  We’ll keep going in that direction, then.”  Holtzmann unhooked Erin’s bra, even though she hated to see the pretty thing go.  She didn’t want to accidentally ruin it either.  She laved her tongue over one of Erin’s nipples, feeling it harden and pulling it into her mouth to bite down gently.  Erin moaned and a hard shiver ran down Holtzmann’s spine.  She wanted to draw absolutely every noise like that out of Erin that she could.

She put her hands on Erin’s shoulders, urging her down onto the blankets and straddling her thigh.  It was hard for Holtzmann to keep quiet as she ran her fingers lightly over Erin’s skin.  All she wanted to do was tell her how beautiful every bit of her was, how perfect, how much she wanted to please her and make her feel indescribably good.  She had to settle for showing, rather than telling.

Holtzmann smoothed her hands up Erin’s arms while she licked and sucked on her nipples.  Erin squirmed under her, moaning softly.  Her skin was so smooth and warm that Holtzmann wanted to spend the rest of her life touching it, tasting it, rubbing her face against it until she somehow got her fill of this particular bit of Erin.  It seemed impossible to ever want to stop being this close to her.

She worked her way down Erin’s stomach, hands followed by mouth, occasionally followed by a bit of teeth.  She dug her thumbs into the hollows of Erin’s hipbones, running her tongue along the very edge of her panties, feeling the lace and tasting fabric softener.  She sat up, moving her hands down in a slow caress.  She let her fingertips take in the details of the soft lace of Erin’s panties, the swirls and subtle ridges that were exactly the same temperature as Erin was.  Holtzmann wasn’t sure if it was because Erin was radiating heat like a very sexy furnace, or the lace was so thin that they simply conducted Erin’s body heat well.  Either way, it was a problem for another time.

Holtzmann let her fingers drift down between Erin’s legs to where she was impossibly hotter and decidedly  _ damp. _  Erin moaned, taking a shaking breath, while Holtzmann pressed her fingers against the fabric of her panties, slowly starting to circle them over her clit.  She wanted to ask if it felt good, if she was ready for more, but held off for just a little longer.  She didn’t want to start babbling again, and without her mouth occupied, she was pretty sure the babbling was inevitable.

Erin was rocking her hips up into Holtzmann’s hand, her fingers balling up the blanket underneath her, and her bottom lip trapped in her teeth.  Holtzmann pressed her fingers a little harder against Erin’s covered clit, biting the inside of her own cheek as she watched the rapid rise and fall of Erin’s chest.  

She bent to kiss along the inside of Erin’s thigh, licking, nibbling her way up it to replace her fingers with her mouth, moaning quietly as she breathed deep through her nose. She pressed her tongue to Erin’s already damp panties, lace rasping against it. 

The musky warm smell of Erin twisted and curled its way through Holtzmann, right to the pit of her stomach and lower still. She growled as she gripped the waist of Erin’s panties in her teeth, tugging them roughly off her hips and down her thighs. 

“Gorgeous,” Holtzmann whispered, staring down at Erin who looked borderline overwhelmed but incredibly aroused. 

“Go ahead, Jillian, make my day,” Erin said, a quiver in her voice. Holtzmann twigged the reference and grinned. 

“I plan on it,” she replied, watching as Erin spread her legs for her. “I plan on it,” she mumbled to herself as she stared at Erin, wondering just what she had done to get so lucky. 

She shook her head, coming back to herself, and getting comfortable between Erin's legs. She glanced up at her, getting a brief nod before she closed her eyes, wrapped her hands around Erin's thighs, and set to work. 

She licked and sucked and wriggled her tongue until her jaw was aching and Erin was so wet she was staining the blanket.  

“I want to put my fingers inside of you.” 

“Yesss,” Erin groaned. “Please, Holtz.”  She sounded desperate, almost on the verge of tears. 

Holtzmann didn't hesitate. She ran two fingers gently over Erin’s dripping slit, getting them slick before working them inside of her. It was all clutching wet heat and Erin was already rocking her hips, trying to fuck herself on Holtzmann’s fingers. 

“Easy,” Holtzmann soothed, running her free hand softly over Erin's thigh. “We’ll get you there. Tell me when I get the right spot, okay?” Holtzmann started to run the pads of her fingers inside Erin, searching for that one bit of flesh that would be rougher, a bit raised. 

“What spo-- oh!” Erin called out, her hips arching off the blanket as all of her breath gusted out of her lungs at once. 

“Bingo,” Holtzmann smiled, keeping her fingers where they were as she bent down to put her mouth to Erin's clit. 

“Holtz …  _ fuck _ ,” Erin moaned as Holtzmann started to move her fingers slowly inside of her, sucking her clit as she did. 

Erin sounded completely wrecked, like tensing up and stressing out about anything were probably the last things on her mind. And it turned Holtzmann on  _ immensely.   _ She couldn't help it anymore, even though it was awkward, she put her hand between her legs, putting pressure on her clit and making herself shudder.  She rubbed herself in slow circles while continuing to lick Erin’s clit, moving her fingers lightly over her g-spot.

Holtzmann moaned low in her throat as her own arousal started to spiral out of control as Erin whined and squirmed at her touch.

“Are … are you touching yourself?” Erin asked, her voice rough and breathy.

Holtzmann froze, pulling back and opening her eyes.  Erin was propped up a little on her elbows, staring intently at her.  “Is that okay?”

“It’s … yeah,” she said, eyes wide, audibly swallowing.  “It’s, umm, sexy.”

“Sexy, huh?”

“Y-yeah,” Erin stuttered, her cheeks flushed and hair messy.

“I can’t help it.  You turn me on so much when you’re enjoying yourself,” Holtzmann said, dragging her fingers back and forth inside of Erin, making her shiver and moan.  “Mmm, like that.”  Holtzmann grinned, pressing her fingers harder against her own clit, making her grin twist in pleasure.

Erin flopped back down on the pillows with a groan, and Holtzmann went back to work on the task at hand.    

She used every bit of her skill to pull pleasure from Erin’s body.  She curled her fingers over her g-spot, sucked and laved her tongue against her clit, all while clumsily touching herself, making herself moan into Erin’s wet pussy.  Every time she did, Erin echoed her, squirming harder against her mouth and hand.  It was so arousing, and she was so focused on Erin, that Holtzmann was caught off guard by her own orgasm.

She gasped, giving a hard shudder, sweet hot pleasure pulsing through her and making her jaw drop open.  “Ahh,” she sighed, pressing her hot cheek to the inside of Erin’s thigh for a moment while she got her breath back.

“Oh my god,” Erin groaned, looking down at her.  Her pupils were so dark, her skin flushed red from her chest to the tips of her ears.  “You came didn’t you?” she added in a whisper.

Holtzmann nodded.  “And you’re next.”

She repositioned herself, having a free hand again, and redoubled her efforts.  Erin had one hand gripping the pillow tight under her head, and the other moved down to grab a fistful of Holtzmann’s hair.  For a second Holtzmann worried that Erin wanted to stop again, but no request, nonverbal or otherwise, came and a brief look up at Erin’s face was a picture of pure expectant pleasure.  

Erin was tensed on the very edge, her thighs quivering, her entire body vibrating at a frequency that Holtzmann tried to match with the rapid push-pull motion of her fingers.  She was pressing hard against Erin’s g-spot now as she moved her fingers across it, almost like she was trying to touch Erin’s clit from behind.

“Please,” Erin squeaked.  “Please, please.  Holtz, please.”  It was an invocation, a supplication.  Erin was begging Holtzmann to make her come.  Maybe begging  _ permission _ to finally, after so many years, experience this thing she had been chasing.  This thing that always seemed out of her reach, but Holtzmann could give it to her if she would just … if she would just what?

Oh.   _ Oh! _  “Erin, I want you to come for me,” Holtzmann purred.

Erin’s fist tightened in Holtzmann’s hair, her breathing coming in short pants as her muscles twitched, clenched,  _ released _ .  Erin arched off the blankets, dragging air into her lungs in an almighty gasp. Her mouth opened, face twisted in pleasure and flushed bright but she didn’t make a sound, wasn’t even breathing for a long moment while the walls of her pussy pulsed hard around Holtzmann’s fingers.  “F-fuck,” she finally stuttered with a gusted breath.  “Oh my god.   _ Oh fuck _ .”

Holtzmann kept moving her fingers inside of her slowly as Erin came down.  She was still twitching, eyes squeezed shut as Holtzmann kissed along her thighs.  “So incredible, gorgeous,” she said softly.

Erin’s eyes flew open, putting a hand to her forehead in disbelief while Holtzmann carefully withdrew her drenched fingers.  “I … was that?  Oh my god!”  

“Uh-huh.”  Holtzmann nodded, a triumphant smile on her face.

“Holtzmann, oh my god!  Ha!  Aha!”  Erin laughed, sitting up to wrap her arms around Holtzmann in a tight embrace.  “We … I … I-I had an orgasm!”

“I keep my promises.”

“I know.  I know!  It was … I felt … oh my god.  Can we do it again?”

Holtzmann laughed, giving Erin a kiss.  “Can we give my jaw a break for a little bit first?”

“Oh.  I mean, yes.  Of course, I’m just --”

“Excited?  I can tell.  So it was good?”

“Amazing.  I … I didn’t know I could feel like that.”

“And now you do.”  

“And now I do,” Erin replied with the brightest smile Holtzmann had ever seen from her.  

It made her heart lurch and her stomach drop, filling her with a weird kind of disappointed happiness.  What happened now?  She was so pleased she had given Erin her first orgasm, but this was the part that was desperately unfamiliar to Holtzmann. 

She was so happy, and completely terrified that now this was all that Erin would want from her.  Holtzmann knew it wouldn’t be enough for her.  She wanted the naps, the comfort, the - the  _ toothpaste _ .

“Have dinner with me,” she blurted out.

“Yeah, I could stay for dinner,” Erin answered.

“No!  I mean, that’s fine.”  Holtzmann shook her head.  She needed to explain herself because Erin was looking confused.  “I meant, umm --”  What was a day people had dates?   _ Think _ , Holtzmann,  _ think! _  “Friday!  Have dinner with me.  On Friday.  I know this great little Lebanese place.  I want to take you there.”

“Yeah, sure.  Friday it is,” Erin said with a smile, her cheeks still decidedly flushed and now Holtzmann’s were too.  Erin had agreed. Erin had agreed to  _ a date _ . This was brand new and oh so exciting and the flutters in Holtzmann’s stomach were going crazy. 

She pushed Erin down onto the pillows, kissing her with a renewed kind of passion, her fingers trailing down Erin’s stomach to her wet slit. 

“How many do you think you can handle in one day?” Holtzmann asked with a lascivious smirk. 

“At least three,” Erin moaned as Holtzmann started to circle her still over-sensitive clit. 

“Let's make it five if you let me use my toys later.”

“They're not nuclear powered, are they?”

“Don't give me ideas.  And no, they are perfectly normal, from the store toys. ...With only minor modifications,” Holtzmann added quickly. 

“ _ Holtz _ .”

“Minor.  _ Minor  _ modifications. Think increased battery capacity, not unstable motor output adjustments that negatively impact structural integrity.”

Erin gave her a side-eye. 

“What? I vigorously test everything.” 

“Okay. Five, but you have to show me anything you're going to use.”

“Of course, gorgeous. Now you want to go for seconds right now or not?”

“Yes please,” Erin said with a sigh and excited little wiggle, sinking back into the pillows.

 

* * *

 

Friday could not come soon enough for Holtzmann.  She felt fidgety and unfocused all week and was practically useless by the day, with three empty fire extinguishers to show for it.  It wasn’t her fault that she worked with such unstable materials and had a penchant for flammables.  It was just who she was.  And hey, they worked in a firehouse now!  Firehouses hardly ever burned down.

She couldn’t help but stare at Erin all week too, which only added to her lack of focus.  Erin would smile and blush when she caught Holtzmann looking at her, just like she always had.  It sent a particular kind of thrill down Holtzmann’s spine.  

The weekend they had spent together had been so damn fantastic and the fact that Erin had agreed to a date, even after Holtzmann had given her an orgasm, sent her totally over the moon.  Erin must like her back.  At least a little, or she wouldn’t have agreed to go out to dinner with Holtzmann.  It was a beginning, anyway, a chance to start something more with Erin.

She was still terrified, of course.  This was all pretty new to Holtzmann, who had spent so much time avoiding getting emotions involved in her relationships with other people.  Now she felt so much for Erin, and it was scary, but exciting.  Scary, but exciting was familiar territory when it came to inventing, engineering, or tinkering with the unknown, but with people?  Nope.

So Holtzmann tried to quell her nerves Friday evening by wearing some of her favourite things.  Her brown leather gloves, Oxford shoes, striped socks, high waisted wide leg pants, shirt and vest, and of course her yellow-lensed specs.  Yes, she was looking good, she thought, giving herself one last look in the mirror.

It was a quick cab ride to the restaurant, and Erin had said she would meet her there.  Holtzmann slid into a booth, her knee bouncing while she waited nervously.  It’s not like she thought Erin wouldn’t show, more like she just wasn’t sure how the date was going to go in general.  She hoped that they would have a nice meal, maybe walk for a bit, and then Holtzmann could finally admit that she was desperately in love with Erin and had been for what seemed like an eternity now, and maybe she would like to be her girlfriend?  She wouldn’t phrase it quite like that, though.  That would put just about anyone off on a first date, no matter how many orgasms you had traded.

Erin showed up only a few minutes later and she looked adorable.  She was wearing a long-sleeved, collared dress and a pair of flats.  Bows were mysteriously absent, but Holtzmann had suspicions about where they might be.

“Erin!” Holtzmann beamed as she sat at the booth across from her.

“Hi,” Erin answered.  “Thanks for the invite.  I’ve never been here before.”

“It’s great.  You’ll love it.  They do shakshuka with the eggs runny.”

“Shakshoo-what?” Erin asked, pulling a menu toward herself.  Holtzmann stopped her with her hand over hers.  

“I’ll order for you.  That’s something people do on these, right?” Holtzmann questioned, rubbing her thumb over the back of Erin’s hand, looking across the table earnestly at her.

Erin’s face fell, a concerned knit developing between her eyebrows.  “Holtz,” she said quietly, looking paler by the second.  “Do you--” she started, pulling her hand away -- “Do you think this is a date?”

Holtzmann’s heart stopped completely before climbing up into her throat to set up camp there.  She’d fucked up.  She slowly brought her own hand back, letting it drop heavily into her lap as she tried not to look as devastated as she felt. What kind of idiot offered sex and thought she would get love in return?  “N-no, of course not,” she said, trying to laugh it off.  Her throat was so tight though, and Erin was looking panicked and uncomfortable and this had all gone so wrong so fast.

“I’m sorry.  I didn’t … that’s not what I thought … I’m just, just going to go,” Erin said quickly as she grabbed her purse and nearly ran out of the restaurant.  Holtzmann couldn’t even call out to her, or watch her go because tears were burning behind her eyes and her whole body felt wooden and wrong.  

“Can I get you a drink?” the server asked, startling Holtzmann.

“N-no, sorry, change of plans,” She gave a wobbling smile, getting up and hurrying to the door while wiping the hot, embarrassed tears that were starting to stream down her face away with her sleeve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate to leave you all on this cliffhanger, but I’m off on holiday until December! So, it might be a bit longer than usual before the next update. This story isn’t over though, so please subscribe! <3
> 
> And as always, a gigantic thank you to my beta readers themindisacity, and _one who shall not be named._ My writing is improving all the time with your help.


	7. Step Seven: The Repercussions

“Holtzy?  Baby, you in here?”  Patty called, coming into the lab after everyone else had left for the day.

“Uhh, yup.  Yup, I’m here,” Holtzmann answered from behind her cluttered workbench.  Her eyes were red-rimmed, hair greasy, new projects scattered haphazardly all around the lab - including a few that probably should have been in the secure lock-up everyone had insisted on.

“Hey, so I was thinking maybe you wanna get yourself cleaned up and come out for some food with me.  We can talk, or not, it’s all cool.”

“Yeah, yeah, thanks, Patty.  Really.  I’m fine though, got lots … lots happening here.”

“I know, Holtzy.  But when’s the last time you ate, huh?  Showered?  Slept?  I don’t wanna be rude here, but you look like shit.”

Holtzmann sighed, putting her soldering iron back in the base and pushing her goggles up onto her head.  “I don’t know.  What day is it?”

“Thursday.”

Holtzmann counted on her fingers, muttering to herself.  “Is it still November, or...?” 

“Holtzy,” Patty scolded, “I don’t know what happened with you and Erin, and it doesn’t need to be any of my business if you don’t want it to be, but you’ve got to start taking better care of yourself.  We’re worried about you.  We’re  _ all _ worried about you”

“Right. Sure.  It’s fine, Patty, really.”

“Well you don’t look fine.” 

“Well I am!” Holtzmann snapped, immediately regretting her tone.

“Alright, whatever,” Patty said.

“Patty, I’m --” Holtzmann started, but it was already too late; Patty had walked out the door.  “Fuck. ... _ Fuck! _ ” she screamed, throwing off her goggles, fighting the tears burning behind her eyes.

She was an absolute disaster.  She’d never felt like this before -- like her heart had been ripped out of her chest and what was left was a gaping, raw wound that was making it impossible to function normally.  She couldn’t sleep, couldn’t bring herself to eat, and hadn’t even showered in days.  What was the point?  

The only thing she  _ could _ do was work.  So she put everything into it, spending hours on end building and adjusting and running through her stock of materials faster than she ever had before.  It was the only way she could stop thinking about it.  The only way the image of Erin, looking so upset and … and  _ traumatized _ , would stop playing before Holtzmann’s eyes every second of every day.

She thought she could outrun it, if she only kept working.  If only she didn’t have to think about it. But, she still was, and it  _ hurt _ , and she didn’t know what to do to make it stop.  

Holtzmann threw down her gloves, switched off her equipment and hauled herself to the bathroom.  She wanted to throw up when she saw the tub, but she swallowed it down, stripping as she walked past.  

It wasn’t until she was under the hot stream of the shower that Holtzmann let herself cry.   _ Really _ cry, like she hadn’t since the kids in elementary school threw rocks at her, cutting her cheek and calling her a dyke.  She didn’t have her mom to pick up the pieces this time.

She had Patty and Abby, and maybe even Kevin now, but she didn’t want to put this on them.  They were all friends with Erin too, and Holtzmann couldn’t bear to be the person who made anyone think Erin wasn’t great.  She was.  It was Holtzmann who had gone and fucked everything up so spectacularly.  She hadn’t even been able to be in the same room as Erin since that night she had been so hurt and ashamed.

The worst part was that Holtzmann knew just how much it was her fault and that was all she could think about as she sunk down to the tiled floor, letting the water pour down on her naked back.  Her chest heaved as she sobbed and she struggled to breathe through the snot and tears.  She wanted the shower to wash her away down the drain, let her stop existing for just a little while so she could get some perspective.

It all hurt so bad, and that moment, that look on Erin’s face wouldn’t go away no matter what Holtzmann tried to do.  That pained expression seemed to taint every wonderful moment they had shared.  Every good memory, every bit of flirtation and physical contact and  _ joy _ , that she had now suddenly came coupled with Erin’s ashen, panicked look.  It was haunting Holtzmann, but it was no ghost.  This wasn’t something for the containment unit.

Holtzmann pushed her dripping hair out of her eyes with shaking hands.  She sniffled.  A few more fat tears dripped, mingled with the shower water, off her chin.  She breathed a lungfull of steamy air and reached for the shampoo.

 

* * *

 

Holtzmann slept for fourteen hours after that, waking up disoriented with her mouth tasting like the very bottom of a dumpster.  She stumbled to the bathroom to brush her teeth, empty and completely wrung out.  She stared at herself in the mirror.  Not even a shower and that much sleep had managed to do much about how shattered she looked.  Her eyes were puffy and still a little bloodshot, her hair an absolute birdsnest.  Yep.  She looked like shit.

The sleep had done one thing, at least.  She realized now that she needed help, even if she felt bad asking for it.  She did her best to look human, showering and piling her hair up, getting dressed in clothes that she was pretty sure were clean.  Then she ventured out of her lab for the first time since, well, since  _ then.   _

“Hey, umm, Abby?” Holtzmann asked from the doorway of the shared office space, trying desperately to ignore Erin sitting at her desk.  “Can I talk to you out here for a sec?”

“Yeah, of course,” Abby answered, getting up and coming out into the hallway.  “What do you need, Holtzmann?”

Holtzmann took a deep breath, staring at her shoes for a moment trying to get the words from her brain to her mouth.  “Could you … do you think you could … take me out for drinks tonight?”  The last part came out all in a rush.

“Yeah, of course.  Of course.  Seven okay with you?”

Holtzmann just nodded quickly, turning to rush back to the relative safety of her lab.  Abby would help.  Alcohol would help.

 

 

* * *

 

Holtzmann took a deep swig from her flask before refilling it over the kitchen sink just before seven.  She was pretty sure it was bourbon in there.  Like 80% sure it was bourbon, so that’s what she filled it back up with.  Bourbon was always good for getting her well and drunk in pretty short order at least.

“Ready to go?” Abby asked, coming into the kitchen with her coat on, a bag slung over her shoulder.

“Yup. Yeah.  Just gotta get my jacket,” Holtzmann responded, tucking the flask into her pocket.  She noticed how Abby watched her do it.

“So, just a guess, but this is a drink to forget kind of night, right?”

“That would be correct,” Holtzmann said, pulling her jacket on and following Abby out to the curb where a cab was already waiting.  Leave it to Abby to actually have those sorts of things organized.

“Do I get to know what it is you’re forgetting?  I mean, I have an idea, but are you actually going to tell me?”

Holtzmann sighed as she slid into the back of the cab.  “If you buy the first two rounds, that’s a solid maybe.”

“Two rounds and only a maybe?”  Abby arched an eyebrow at Holtzmann before she gave the cab driver the name of a pub and they set off.  

Holtzmann crossed her arms defensively, slouching down in her seat.  She had asked for this, but she wasn’t quite ready to talk about anything yet.  She would be, but not right now.  All of this was hard for her, even with Abby, who she knew would have her back no matter how badly she screwed up.  Even if it was with Abby’s oldest friend.  Maybe  _ especially _ with her oldest friend, who had left Abby too.  Not that Erin had left Holtzmann.  It was just a devastating rejection that maybe felt as awful as leaving would have.  

 

* * *

 

Holtzmann continued to slouch in her seat at the pub, letting Abby order for her while she thought about what exactly she was going to say.  She downed her first drink (really her second, if you included the flask earlier) in a swift series of large swallows and signalled the bartender for another even before she set her empty glass down.

“That bad, huh?”

“You don’t even know,” Holtzmann answered, nodding as their server set a second drink down in front of her that disappeared just as quickly as the first. 

“Well, you’ve got that right.”

Holtzmann took a deep breath, letting the alcohol comfortably cloud her thoughts and lower her inhibitions.  She could feel her cheeks flushing from it already.  “I fucked up.  With Erin,” she blurted out.

Abby hardly reacted at all, except to take a long swig from her pint.  “Are you sure it was you?”

“I?  What?”  Holtzmann questioned, completely baffled by Abby’s response.  “Of course it was me.  I’m the one who fucks these things up.  These  _ people _ things.  She  _ ran _ , Abby.  She realized I had asked her on a date, and she  _ ran _ .  I fucked it up.”

“Ehhh,” Abby made a noncommittal noise, taking another pull from her beer.

“You know something I don’t,” Holtzmann said, sipping from her third (fourth?) drink with more restraint now that her blood was feeling warm and her body and mind loose from the alcohol.  It wasn’t a question.  Clearly Abby had another idea of what was going on, even if Holtzmann had no idea what she was on about.

“I know that as messed up about all of this that you’ve been, Erin has been just as bad, if not worse.”

“What?!” Holtzmann nearly fell out of her seat.  The few, very few, admittedly, times Holtzmann had seen Erin she had looked fine.  Like she wanted to see Holtzmann about as much as Holtzmann wanted to see her, which was not at all, but otherwise fine.  “She looked okay to me.  Other than avoiding me, but who wouldn’t, after that?  I  _ traumatized _ her.”

“I doubt it.  Erin is, well, she’s had a lot more practice than you at hiding how she feels.  Especially when it comes to relationships.”

“Well, yeah.  But, no.  No.  She’s probably just mad at me.  And I’m … I don’t know…” Holtzmann stared at the ceiling, searching for a word.

“Messed the hell up.”  Abby offered.

“Right.  That.”  That was exactly what Holtzmann was and there was no way Erin was somehow feeling the same.  It made more sense that Erin was mad at her, or just uncomfortable about the whole situation.

“You think Erin hasn’t noticed?  She asked Patty to check on you yesterday.  See if she could get you to eat something.”

Holtzmann just made a face, her eyebrows knotting together.  None of this made sense.  “You don’t even know what happened.”

“No.  I don’t.  Because neither of you will fucking talk about it!  You’ve been locked in your lab for days, building god-knows-what that we’re all praying won’t atomize us, and Erin comes in to work every morning looking like she hasn’t slept at all, but waving it off as if we somehow wouldn’t notice something was wrong.  If you would just tell me, maybe I could actually help.  You know I love you both, right?  Whatever happened, I’m sure neither of you meant it to turn out like this.”

Holtzmann huffed out a breath.  Abby was right.  How could she be expected to help at all if Holtzmann wouldn’t tell her some details, as far as she knew them, about what had happened between her and Erin.  She didn’t want to betray Erin’s trust, though.  Holtzmann supposed she would just have to be a bit vague with Erin’s situation.

“Okay,” Holtzmann said quietly.  She pulled her chair next to Abby’s, finishing what was left in her glass.  “I’ll tell you what happened, but if you’re going to be pissed off at anyone, you have to promise it’s going to be me.  It’s my fault.  Seriously.”

“How about I just don’t get pissed off at either of you idiots for getting in over your head with whatever this was.”

“Fine.  Whatever.  That works.  How much do you already know?”

“Well, I know that you and Erin were spending a lot of time together, and that  _ you _ definitely have a massive crush on her.  Seriously, Holtzmann, I’ve never actually seen you fall for someone before.”

“That’s … not important,” Holtzmann mumbled, feeling her cheeks flush brighter.

“Like hell that’s not important.  Jesus, Holtzmann, you know it’s okay to have feelings, right?”

“I knooow, Abby,” Holtzmann whined, “Can you please just tell me what else you already know?”

Abby rolled her eyes a little, but kept going.  “Everything seemed to be going well and both of you were happier than I had seen you in a while, until, whatever it was that left you both so damaged.”

“That’s the gist of it.” Holtzmann hedged, taking another sip of her fresh drink.  The service here was very good, or maybe she just look so awful the bartender was taking pity on her.

“No.  Nuh-uh.  You’re telling me what happened, or I’m calling Patty right now and we will do whatever it takes to make you talk.  You know Patty won’t hold back.  We’ll take you out back if it comes to it.”

“Okay, fine,” Holtzmann said with another sigh.  “So, we … Erin and I were having sex, right?”  

Abby nodded.

“And I-I thought that was all it was going to be.  But then I sort of started to, well,  _ like _ Erin, and spending time with her was so nice and we got along so well and she’s so fucking gorgeous and…  And I guess I realized that I wanted not just sex.  I thought that Erin maybe felt the same, or at least liked me enough to try.  But--” Holtzmann’s bottom lip wobbled, her throat starting to feel tight.  She sniffed in a quick breath, taking another gulp of her fresh drink.  “But I guess she didn’t because I asked her out and when she showed up she freaked out and ran off and I’m pretty sure I’ve scarred her for life now.  There!” Holtzmann finally took a breath after her marathon sentence before gulping back the rest of her drink.

“Uh-huh,” Abby said, her voice full of uncertainty.

“What?  What could possibly be unclear about that?  Erin just doesn’t like me like that and it freaked her out to be seen in public with me in that context.  It is literally the only explanation.  I’m an absolute fuck up for putting her in that situation.”

“Question.”

“What?!” Holtzmann practically shouted.

“When you asked her out, did you specify it was a date?”

“I think it was pretty clear.”

“Holtzmann,” Abby warned. “Did you specify?”

“I … well,” Holtzmann sat back in her chair, thinking about it.  It had been  _ clear _ , hadn’t it?  But, she supposed, she hadn’t actually said the word ‘date’.  

“Yeah, I didn’t think so,” Abby said a bit smugly.  “You’re not always the best at actually saying what you mean.  Most of us have just learned to read between the lines or ask you very direct questions.”

Holtzmann was having trouble processing what Abby was trying to tell her.  “So? What does that have to do with anything?”

“You’ve met Erin, right?” Abby asked.

Holtzmann just shot her a look that said the sarcasm wasn’t appreciated.

“She needs a lot of time to make decisions, especially about things that are important to her.  She isn’t very good with the unexpected, or things she hasn’t planned for.”

Holtzmann nodded, still not really getting it though.  She wondered, as the nodding made her vision swim a little, if maybe she shouldn’t have drunk that last drink  _ quite _ so quickly.

“Do you think maybe you didn’t traumatize her, but just took her by surprise and she reacted badly to it?” Abby said slowly.

“I--” Holtzmann started, then stopped abruptly, her shoulders dropping as she sat back in her chair.  She finally understood what Abby was getting at and it was honestly not anything she had considered.  

“There ya go,” Abby said, picking up her pint and drinking slowly, giving Holtzmann time to think.

“I--” Holtzmann tried again, and failed again.  “Huh.”

“But,” Abby added, “That’s only what  _ I _ think is going on.  You’re really just going to have to talk to Erin.”  She looked Holtzmann up and down for a moment.  “When you’re sober.”    

“D’you really think she doesn’t hate me?” Holtzmann asked, clutching her empty glass, looking imploringly at Abby.

“I know she doesn’t hate you, Holtz,” Abby said, reaching out to put an arm around her, pulling her close.  “She doesn’t hate you.”

“Abby, I like her so much,” Holtzmann said quietly, laying her head on Abby’s shoulder.  “So much it hurts.”

Abby sighed and rubbed her arm.  “I know.  I wish I could help more, but this is really between you and Erin.  You know I’m always here if you want to talk, though.”

“Yer a good friend,” Holtzmann slurred.

“And  _ you _ are very drunk.  Why don’t we get you home to bed, huh?”

“‘Kay,” Holtzmann answered, swaying on her feet a little as she got up and put her coat on.  She was feeling better now after talking with Abby, and realizing that maybe she hadn’t fucked up quite as bad as she thought she had.  Also the alcohol.  The alcohol helped  _ a lot _ , even if it was only temporarily.

 

* * *

 

Abby helped her upstairs to bed, and Holtzmann flopped down onto it, the room spinning around her.  

“There’s a glass of water here for you.  You should really drink it, Holtz.  I’ll come check on you in the morning, okay?”

“Mmmkay,” Holtzmann said, kicking her shoes off and pulling a pillow to her chest.

“I hope things work out for you and Erin,” Abby said, patting Holtzmann’s leg before she left, closing the door behind her.

Holtzmann’s eyes were already slipping closed when she suddenly had an idea.  She slipped her phone from her pocket, squinting at it with her still slightly spinning vision.

_ M sorry. Can e tslk soon?  _ She texted to Erin, knowing it was late, but she couldn’t risk losing her nerve in the sober light of the morning.  She sighed and put her phone next to the glass of water on her night stand, falling immediately into a deep, drunken sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, a huge thank you to my betas themindisacity and _one who shall not be named_. 
> 
> Want updates on my writing stuff or another way to get in touch with me? [Follow me on Tumblr!](http://sexxicawrites.tumblr.com/)


	8. Step Eight: The Reconciliation

“What?  M’awake,” Holtzmann bolted upright, startled awake in bed, immediately regretting the movement as her head gave the most painful throb.  Abby swung the door open just enough to pop her head in.

“Just making sure you’re alive,” Abby said, smiling a little sadistically at Holtzmann’s obvious hangover.  

“Check back later.  I’m not sure yet,” Holtzmann answered with a groan.

“I told you to drink that water, Holtzmann.  You’d think you would have learned by now.”

“I only learn when it’s relevant to my interests.”  

“And  _ not _ having a two day hangover is somehow not relevant to your interests?  Alright, Holtzmann, feel better, but don’t come moaning to me to make you breakfast.  You’re a big girl.  You can handle a toaster,”  Abby said, closing the door again.

“I think you’re forgetting the last time I made my own breakfast, Abby.  Abby!” Holtzmann called out.

Holtzmann let herself sink back down into her bed.  Her head hurt and her stomach was churning so hard it felt like it was trying to digest itself.  Getting older did stupid things to your body.  Especially with the introduction of alcohol.  She managed to prop herself up long enough to chug the big glass of water and take the painkillers that Abby had also left her on her nightstand.  For all of Abby’s bluster, she really did care.

It was when Holtzmann put her empty glass back down and she pressed the home button on her phone to check the time, that she realized she had a text.  She nearly threw up right there.  She had completely forgotten that she had texted Erin last night when she was blind drunk and in no way fully coherent.  Jesus, what had she even said?

She remembered most of the night out with Abby, and knew that she felt better on the whole about the Erin situation, but she absolutely did not remember the text.  She rolled over with her phone, afraid to open it.  Afraid that she had somehow screwed things up even worse than before, if that was even possible.  If it  _ was _ possible, she figured of course she would be the one to manage it.  

Holtzmann took a deep breath and tapped in her passcode, the text conversation opened on her screen.   _M sorry. Can e tslk soon?_ Her own message read.  Well, that could have been worse.  She noticed that Erin’s response had come only minutes later, but Holtzmann must have been thoroughly passed out by then.  

_ Of course.  Just tell me when. _

Of course.   _ Of course _ .  Erin had said.  Of course they could talk soon.  So maybe she really wasn’t mad at her after all.  Maybe Abby was right!  That didn’t exactly change how terrified Holtzmann was to actually  _ have _ that talk, but at least Erin was willing.

She had to reply, and she really needed to do it right now.  She squinted at her phone, it was relatively early in the morning still.  It would be best to just get it over with, Holtzmann thought, and maybe to not give herself any time to reconsider, but a little time for her to feel less … barfy.   _ How about 5 today?  Meet me in the lab?   _ She tapped out, hitting send before she could think twice.  

_ See you then _ .  Erin’s response was almost instantaneous.  

Good.  Sorted.  Now Holtzmann could go back to sleep for a while before she attempted things like food, washing herself, and then confronting the possible love of her life about what was either a horrible misunderstanding on both of their sides, or the worst rejection that Holtzmann had ever dealt with.

 

* * *

 

Holtzmann wavered between every minute seeming to last an hour, and the hours passing by like minutes for the whole afternoon.  She busied herself tidying the lab, securing the new devices she had built that needed to be secured, and generally clearing off some surfaces.  But, her stomach was still clenched tight, and no amount of vomiting or dry toast or distraction could fix it. 

She knew she was terrified.  She was so scared of what Erin might say to her, or what she might say or do in return.  She didn't feel like herself anymore.  Like the ground beneath her was tilted, leaving her off balance and unable to get back upright.  Everything was at a strange angle and it didn't feel right.  She was thoroughly in unfamiliar territory.

She remembered how she had snapped at Patty from right where she was standing now and cringed.  She would have to make that up to her.  Holtzmann didn't think she would snap at Erin, but she thought that crying in front of her might feel pretty awful too.  So would running away from this.  There were so many reactions to the fictional versions of their future conversation running through Holtzmann’s head, and so few of them seemed good. 

It all depended on what Erin was going to say, and Holtzmann, no matter how hard she tried, couldn't accurately model that variable.  Erin had proved time and again to be unpredictable, immeasurably different from what Holtzmann thought she would be.  Maybe that's why she had fallen so hard for her.  Holtzmann had always been attracted to the seemingly unsolvable.   

Holtzmann sighed and checked the clock again, her heart clenching in a moment of panic when she realized it was nearly five o’clock.  She took a deep breath, chewing another mint from the tin on her workbench, hoping that her churning stomach might settle down before Erin showed up.  

She pulled her goggles over her eyes, tugging on her gloves, thinking that maybe she could busy herself with a bit of work, instead of staring at the clock as the seconds ticked by.  She wiped the tip of her soldering iron on the sponge, smiling at the tiny, familiar sizzle it made, and got to work.

 

* * *

 

“Umm … hi,” Erin said as she knocked on the door of the lab, and Holtzmann’s head snapped up.  She nearly dropped her soldering iron trying to get it back in the base.

“Hi,” she answered breathlessly, tugging off her gloves and rushing around her workbench to meet Erin.

Erin looked as fidgety and nervous as Holtzmann felt, her eyes darting around looking everywhere but directly at Holtzmann.  There was a pause where neither of them seemed to know what to say, the only noise the lab was the steady hum of the containment unit, the ticking of the clock.

“I’m sorry,” they both said at once.

“No, I’m.”  … “It’s me that.” They spoke over each other again until Erin huffed a breath out, taking a step toward Holtzmann.

“Holtz, just let me say this,” Erin insisted.

Holtzmann’s jaw clicked shut.

“Please, I owe you an apology.  I don’t … I don’t even know if you can forgive me for what I did to you.  But, I am so,  _ so _ sorry.  I just, I didn’t realize that you had asked me out on a date, and I panicked.  It’s not that I was embarrassed, or … or not interested, but you had made me think that it was just the sex, so I never even considered that when you asked me out to dinner, that you were actually asking me out.”  Erin finally looked up into Holtzmann’s eyes.  “And I’m sorry for the way I reacted.  And I’m even more sorry that I was too scared to come talk to you about it sooner.” 

Holtzmann had no idea what to say to that.  She pushed her goggles up into her hair and blinked at Erin.  

“Holtz, please.  Just say something.  Anything.  Tell me to go away, if you have to,” Erin said, her voice sounding small and resigned, her eyes starting to well up the longer Holtzmann stayed silent.

“You really don’t hate me?”

Erin made a shocked noise that sounded almost like a laugh.  “Hate you? Holtz … oh god, did you really think I could ever hate you?  I’m so sorry.  I’m such a screw-up.  I ruined everything.”  Erin sniffled, tears starting to run down her cheeks as she started to shake.  “I ruin everything.   _ I ruin everything _ .”

And that’s when Holtzmann could no longer tolerate being even a few short steps away from Erin.  She stepped forward and wrapped Erin in her arms and they both sunk slowly down to the floor.  “It wasn’t you,” Holtzmann said quietly into the top of Erin’s head.  “I’m the one who fucked it up.  I didn’t realize I hadn’t actually asked you out.  I’m the one who should be sorry.”

“No, no, I should have known, or asked, and I at least should have come to you sooner.  I was just … I was so scared that you wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me after what I did to you.  I couldn’t handle seeing you and finding out that was true.”  Erin looked up at Holtzmann, her eyes red and blurry with tears.

“It’s not.  I --” Holtzmann paused, taking a steadying breath -- “I want everything to do with you.”

“Still?  Holtz, I was so awful.  I wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to see me again.”

“Well, I do want to see you, and I accept your apology, as long as you accept mine too.”

“You don’t have anything to apologize to me for.”

“But I do! I -- I changed things without telling you.  It wasn’t just sex for me after a little while.  I … just wanted to be with you,” Holtzmann admitted.

“Is that true?” 

“Why would I lie about that?” Holtzmann asked, a small smile starting to tug at the corner of her mouth.

“Stupid question,” Erin said, an answering smile on her face.

“Stupid question,” Holtzmann echoed.

“Of course I can forgive you for that, but only if you’ll come on a date with me,” Erin said, her smile starting to broaden into a grin.  “A real date this time, where we both know what we’re getting into.”

“Really?”

Erin nodded.  “Yes.  Let’s go back to that Lebanese place.  I want whatever it was you were talking about it, and I want you to order for me and everything.”

“You promise not to run away this time?”

“Holtz,” Erin said, her features going soft.  “I won’t ever run away from you again.”

And then Holtzmann kissed her, because she had to.  Because if she didn’t she would regret it for the rest of time, because Erin didn’t hate her, and more than not hating her, she wanted to give a date another try.  A real try this time, so they could both forget the first one had ever happened.

“What if I get possessed?” Holtzmann asked after she broke the kiss.

“What?”

“Will you run away from me if I get possessed?”

“I don’t think that counts, Holtz.  Anyway, I thought you were working on those disruptors  that wouldn’t let ghosts materialize properly within a foot of us.”

“I was.  I thought I had fixed the overheating problem with Version 3.6, but it turns out I made it much worse.”

“Worse?  2.0 burned straight through the floor of the lab and caught Kevin’s desk on fire!”

Holtzmann made a noise reminiscent of a brief inferno.

“Well, let’s just keep working on that then. Maybe with oversight.”

“And until then you won’t run away from me, even if I get possessed?”

“I promise.  Even though I still think that doesn’t count.”

“So when are you taking me out, gorgeous?  I think Patty might drag me out physically if I don’t start leaving the lab more often.”

“How’s tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow would be perfect.”

“Good,” Erin said.  “And thank you, for texting me.  I might have gone the rest of my life being terrified of what you thought of me if you hadn’t reached out.”  Erin blushed, suddenly shy again in Holtzmann’s arms.

“Well, we probably owe that one to too much booze and not enough supervision.”

“We’re both a little bit terrible at this aren’t we?”

“Depends what you mean by  _ this _ .”

“People, mostly,” Erin said, and then licked her lips nervously, “Relationships, in particular.”

_ Relationships _ .  Holtzmann tried not to let the word go to her head, but by the time she was trying to convince herself that there were lots of different kinds of relationships, it was already too late.  “I guess we could always try to be better at  _ this _ together,” Holtzmann offered.

“I think I would like that a lot.  I also think that we should maybe get off the floor.  It’s cold and I might be sitting on a bolt of some kind.”

Holtzmann laughed, and it felt like she hadn’t laughed properly in a thousand years.  It felt so good,  _ this _ .  Being with Erin again, and knowing that all of her worst fears weren’t at all true, and neither were Erin’s.  They were both just a bit messed up, and a bit too scared about what was happening between them.  It still stung, just a little, thinking about what they had put each other through, but it felt like the kind of thing that some time, and some new, better times together would fix right up without even a scar.  It would be nothing more than a footnote in the scientific journal of their time together.  

“So, I’ll see you tomorrow then?” Holtzmann asked after they had gotten up and dusted themselves off, Erin wiping at her red and tear-stained face.

“Absolutely.  I’ll see you tomorrow.”  Erin leaned in and gave Holtzmann a chaste kiss on the lips, blushing furiously before she turned and left the lab.

Holtzmann had to resist pumping her fists in the air and shouting with joy.  Heck, who was she kidding, she did it anyway, stomping around the lab, hooting and punching empty space.  Erin didn’t hate her, and far from it, they had a date tomorrow.  A real, actual, provable date.

 

* * *

 

Suddenly it was like the sucking wound in Holtzmann’s chest was filled again, patched up and varnished over with only a hangover and a growing pile of laundry to remind her what had just passed.  She felt like everything was on the right axis again, that the world looked as it should.  She was upright.  She was herself. 

“You two made up, then?” Patty asked as Holtzmann placed a bulging wrapper full of the best meatball sub in town in front of her.  The kind from across town where the lunch line snaked around the block.

If Holtzmann’s manic grin wasn’t enough of an answer, her much too loud shout of “Yes!” most certainly was.  She cleared her throat, wiping her greasy hands on her overalls.  “This is an apology sandwich.  I’m sorry I snapped at you and pushed you away.  You were only trying to help.”

“Apology sandwich accepted, baby.  And you can snap at me more often if it means you buying lunch for once.”

Holtzmann laughed with her, then turned to go deliver the rest of lunch to her coworkers scattered throughout the building.  She figured that they probably all deserved an apology sandwich, or at least a ‘thanks for tolerating my emotional breakdown and subsequent construction of many, many devices capable of untold damage to the health and well-being of the building, or possibly the entire block’ sandwich.  

“Hey, baby,” Patty called out, and Holtzmann stopped in the doorway, turning back to her.  “I really hope that things work out this time, with you and Erin.  Y’all seemed really happy together.”

“Thanks, Patty.  I hope so too,” Holtzmann said with an honest smile.    

Her own meatball sub was a ‘didn’t fuck up as badly as you thought you did’ reward.

 

* * *

 

That night Holtzmann was just as nervous as the first time.  She wasn’t sure why, really, because there was no way it could possibly go  _ worse _ than the first time unless the building went up in flames, or maybe a real sticky Class V manifested.  But that was fairly unlikely.  Well, yeah … probably pretty unlikely.

Holtzmann had been doing a lot of thinking about Erin, and what exactly she wanted out of this, and now that she knew that Erin at least wanted to try  _ something _ , she needed to know more of what that was.  It was so outside of Holtzmann’s experience.  The sex had been easy.  The sex had been joyous and wonderful and simple, but everything else was a jumbled mess of emotions and the urge to do things like watch Erin sleep, or brush the hair out of her eyes, or even just smile every time she saw her.  It was like Erin made her heart full in a way she had never known was possible, but she didn’t know what to do with that feeling.

As she walked to the restaurant from the cab, she tried not to let the butterflies in her stomach consume her.  She knew Erin wanted to be here, with her, so what else was there to be nervous about?  Other than, of course, screwing everything up in yet unthought of ways!   That was always more of a possibility than Holtzmann really wanted to think about.  In the lab, mistakes were just steps toward success, but did those rules apply to human interactions?  In Holtzmann’s experience, generally no.  People were much less replaceable than the materials she worked with, even the rare and hard to find materials, and Erin was absolutely irreplaceable.  

She took a deep breath as she pushed the door open, comforted a little by the warm rush of cumin-scented air that greeted her.  And when she looked up, Erin was there to greet her too, with a shy smile on her face.

“Hi,” she said softly as Holtzmann slid into the booth across from her.

“Hi,” Holtzmann answered.  “I’m glad you’re here.”

“I’m glad to be here.”  Erin put her hand on top of the table, sliding it slowly across until Holtzmann reached out to twine their fingers together.  She probably held on a little too tight, fear still creeping in at the back of her mind.

“So, what are we eating?  I don’t think I’ve ever had Lebanese food.”  Erin said, still smiling, which of course made Holtzmann smile too.

“Shakshuka.  You’ll love it.  It’s like, umm, spicy tomato sauce that they poach eggs in then you eat it with pita.  It’s really good.”

“Sounds tasty.”

“My mom used to make it for us sometimes.  It sorta tastes like home to me.”

“Aww, Holtz, that’s so sweet.”  Erin paused, her fingers still twined tight with Holtzmann’s, but her gaze going a bit sad.  “I really am sorry.  You know that, right?  Whatever I can do to make it up to you … I’ll do anything, Holtz.”

Holtzmann sighed. It wasn’t a sad sigh, or an upset sigh, it was more like a rush of nervous energy leaving her all at once.  “You can do three things for me,” She said firmly, making sure that Erin was making eye contact.  “One: you can buy us dinner tonight.  Two: You can take me for a walk after.  And three: You can let me know within a week if you think  _ this _ .  Think that  _ us--”  _ Holtzmann paused, remembering what Abby had told her about not being clear enough -- “Let me know if you want to be my girlfriend.  Only girlfriend.  A couple.  Exclusive-like.”

“Yes,” Erin said, her eyes wide before she shook her head and blinked.  “I mean, yes, absolutely to the first two, and thank you for some time to let me think about being your girlfriend.”  

Holtzmann tried not to smile too dopily at hearing the phrase “being your girlfriend” come softly out of Erin’s mouth.  “Good,” She answered.  “I think we deserve appetizers for this top-notch communication we have going on here right now, what do you think?”

“I think yes.”

“Awesome.”

 

* * *

 

It was hard not to stare at Erin all through dinner, not only because they were eating right across from each other, but because Holtzmann always found it hard not to stare at Erin.  She had been drawn to her for so long that she wanted to drink this moment in, in case Erin decided that she really didn’t want to be her girlfriend.  She could at least have this one date.

Holtzmann knew now that even though it was far from what she wanted, if Erin didn’t want that kind of relationship, if friends and coworkers was what would make her happiest, Holtzmann could deal with that.  There would definitely be a ban on being alone together for too long though, no touching.  Definitely no sex.  Holtzmann just couldn’t compartmentalize when it came it to Erin -- everything was just too emotionally charged.

But, she didn’t dwell on any of that as they finished their dinner, Erin paid, and then they went out into the chill of the night.  They stood on the curb for a moment, breathing the cool air, maybe deciding what direction they should head, and it was nice to just stand there, their shoulders brushing together, the wind ruffling through their hair.  Holtzmann smiled when Erin slipped her hand into hers.

“Come on, I owe you a walk, right?  Let’s go this way.  If I remember right there’s a little park not too far away; either that or the doughnut place that Abby loves.”

“Lead the way, gorgeous, I’m following you,” Holtzmann said, holding up their clasped hands, making Erin laugh lightly.  God, she adored that sound.  If she was forced to choose, Holtzmann was pretty sure it would be a coin toss to say whether she preferred the sound of Erin’s laugh, or the noises she made when she orgasmed.  They both hit Holtzmann square in the chest.

Erin’s hand was so warm inside of her own as they started to walk, and again, Holtzmann just wanted to hold onto this moment, this night, in case she needed to treasure it as the one real date she got with Erin.  

They were quiet for the first few minutes of their walk, but it was a comfortable silence.  They had spent all of dinner talking a bit more about their childhoods and what their parents liked to cook and what they liked to eat or refused to as kids.  Holtzmann wouldn’t go within ten feet of applesauce, and Erin had the more standard brussel sprout aversion.  Erin grew out of it.  Holtzmann did not.  Applesauce was a pointless and disgusting food.  

They wandered along at a sedate pace, hands clasped, their shoulders occasionally knocking together.  It was wonderful, and Holtzmann watched as the light from the street lamps illuminated Erin’s face every few feet -- even the sickly yellow glow of them couldn’t hide how rosy cheeked and beautiful Erin looked, a small smile seemingly stuck on her face.  Holtzmann had one too.  

She couldn’t help but smile, even as the first few drops of rain hit them.  The kind where you aren’t sure if you’re hallucinating the feel of them, until suddenly one splashes against your nose or forehead with enough force and wetness to announce that yes, this is rain.  

“Uh-oh,” Erin frowned, holding her hand out, performing the same test that Holtzmann had performed with her face.  “I didn’t bring an umbrella.”

“Me neither.”  They were still walking, but a bit faster now, even though they didn’t have a destination.  That is, until they both caught the heavy, sweet smell that was wafting by on the wind.  Abby’s favourite doughnut shop.

“Do you think we can make it?” Erin asked.

“I think we’re going to have to try,” Holtzmann answered as the scattered drops of rain were starting to be much less scattered, gathering en masse and falling fast, making the pavement in front of them start to get shiny and dark.

“Let’s go!” Erin squealed, starting to run through the rain, dragging Holtzmann giggling along with her.  It was absolutely pouring now.  It was more one giant sheet of water than individual raindrops, and as they ran, puddles formed so quickly that they splashed right through them, unable to avoid it.  Holtzmann’s shoes filled with water as her hair went limp in front of her eyes.

Then it was there.  The doughnut shop with the lights on and that delicious smell fighting the distinct aroma of city rain.  They pushed through the door, standing there dripping, panting, their clothes soaked through.

“You’re wet,” Holtzmann said with a smirk.

“So are you,” Erin answered, reaching to push the dripping hair off Holtzmann’s face.  “I’ll call us a cab if you buy us some doughnuts.”

“Yes, ma’am.”  Holtzmann bit her lip and turned to walk to the counter.  “It’s raining,” she remarked to the man behind the counter who was staring at them a little strangely, possibly because they were two women together, or hopefully because they were ridiculously drenched and making puddles all over his clean floor.  Holtzmann usually gave everyone the benefit of the doubt.

“Cab’s on the way,” Erin said, walking up to Holtzmann.  “Do … umm … do you want to come back to my place?” she asked, her cheeks with strands of wet hair stuck to them flushed up bright.  “It’s not far, and I could, uhh, get you some dry clothes.  We could have some coffee.”

“I’d like that,” Holtzmann said.  “Can’t have doughnuts without coffee,” she added, holding up the bag.  “Don’t tell Abby though.”

Erin’s nose crinkled in confusion.

“About the doughnuts.  Not the part where we’re going back to your place.  I mean, you don’t have to tell her, but that doesn’t need to be a secret, right?”

“Oh, the doughnuts.”  Erin shook her head.  “I thought for a second … but, no.  No, it isn’t a secret.”

“Glad we cleared that up.”  Holtzmann was being a bit glib, but she truly was.  She could never deal with being anyone’s secret.  That never did anyone any good.  “And, I think that’s our ride.”

“Yes, it probably is.  So, my place?”

“Your place.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to themindisacity, [HumsHappily](http://archiveofourown.org/users/HumsHappily), and the _one who shall not be named_ for being most excellent beta readers!


	9. Step Nine: The Reconciliation - Continued

“So,” Holtzmann said, drawing out the word as she looked around the compact, IKEA catalog that was Erin’s apartment as they both stood dripping in the entranceway.  “This is your place, huh?”

“Umm, yeah,” Erin said, “sorry about the mess.”

“The … mess?” Holtzmann questioned, craning her head further into the apartment, noticing a single mug, three books, and exactly one used tissue on the coffee table.  There was a bowl and spoon in the sink.  “Riiight.”  

Holtzmann slipped her shoes off, flipping them upside down to drain onto the mat.  Hopefully they would dry out eventually.  

“Oh, oh, here,” Erin sputtered, realizing they were still both standing there decidedly more than damp.  “The-the bathroom.  I’ll grab you a towel, you can hang everything on the shower rod if that’s okay.  My laundry day isn’t until next week otherwise I would put it in the dryer for you.  And I-I’ll find you something to wear.”

Holtzmann smiled.  “It’s okay.  I’ll just be happy to be out of these wet socks.  Nothing worse than wet socks.” 

She let Erin hustle her into the tiny bathroom.  Again, it was catalog perfect, although very compact.  A glass with Erin’s toothbrush and toothpaste sat on the small bit of counter space along with a bar of soap in a dish, and a glass bottle of perfume.  Holtzmann picked it up and sniffed at it.  Mmm, yup.  That was Erin, alright -- minus the dry erase markers and coffee, which in Holtzmann’s opinion was an overall loss to the scent.  Dry erase markers were incredibly underrated in the fragrance world.

Holtzmann started to peel off her sodden clothes, wringing them out in the tub and hanging them up over the shower rod to drip dry.  She was down to underpants when Erin knocked lightly on the door, and Holtzmann opened it to have a thick towel shoved at her by a blushing Erin clearly trying not to look. “Thanks,” she smiled, putting it down on the toilet lid.  The only reason she closed the door again was because she literally couldn’t get to the shower with the door open, and she still had wet undies to get up there.

After she wrestled them off, she dried herself, unpinning her hair and drying that off a bit too before she swept it back up off her neck into a messy bun.  Well, messier than usual, anyway.  Erin probably had a hairdryer stashed in here, but it wasn’t really worth the trouble of asking, as long as it wasn’t dripping down her back anymore.  She wrapped the towel around herself and went back out into Erin’s apartment.

It was, in a word, compact.  Neat, and compact, with an absolutely miniscule kitchen, but a reasonably sized bedroom off the living room, which was also just big enough for a couch, tv, coffee table, and one neglected looking fern.  Holtzmann couldn’t really understand why everyone hadn’t moved into the firehouse like she had.  The commute to work was very efficient. 

Erin came out of the bedroom just as Holtzmann was starting to wander in there.  She was wearing a housecoat now, thin and blue, skirting her bare thighs.  Holtzmann immediately wondered what was underneath it.

“I … uhh, found you some pyjamas, and another housecoat.  Is it --” Erin paused, looking away as she blushed and she took a sharp breath in -- “It would be weird to loan you underwear, right?”

“Not the weirdest, but I’m fine without.  It’s a nice place you have here.  Very feminine.  Very cosy.”

“Cosy just means small.”

“Cosy means cosy.”  

“I’ll just … I’ll, uhh, make us that coffee, yeah?  Is decaf okay?” Erin said in a rush as Holtzmann walked over to the bed where she saw Erin had laid out clothes for her, and started to unwrap her towel.

“You bring me something hot and black in a mug, and I’m nearly guaranteed to drink it.  Please don’t take advantage of that knowledge,” Holtzmann said with a wink over her bare shoulder.  Erin’s hand flew to her mouth and she turned quickly on the spot, rushing away.  It was hard to resist teasing her just a little bit now that they were cautious with each other again, and Erin was back to being more shy than she ever needed to be.   

Holtzmann pulled on the grey sweatshorts, and soft black t-shirt that Erin had laid out for her.  It was nice to be in dry clothes again, and Erin was sweet to lay everything out for her.  She wrapped herself in the fluffy, white housecoat that was also left for her, and hung her towel on the doorknob.

She could smell the coffee already, and it only got stronger as she opened the door and joined Erin in the living room where she was seated with her legs tucked up next to her, a mug already in her hands.  “Everything okay?” She asked.

“Perfect, thank you.  Dry.”

“Good,” Erin said with a smile.

Holtzmann let herself sink down onto the couch next to Erin, reaching out for her own steaming mug.  She sipped at it, feeling content and relaxed in Erin’s space, even though it was so unlike her own.  She knew it was because it was Erin’s.  Her adoration seemed to extend indefinitely outward from Erin to everything that was hers, or dear to her.  She thought maybe she liked Erin’s apartment even more, down to the pink towels in the bathroom, or the clearly hand-thrown mugs that Erin had probably bought right from the artist, because they were so different from the things she surrounded herself with.  She didn’t think about towels beyond their usefulness or nice mugs, but Erin did, and Holtzmann enjoyed that about her.

They sat comfortably next to each other, sipping their coffee, thighs just barely touching.  “Do you want to watch something?  I mean … it’s probably going to be a while until your clothes dry,” Erin said.

“You think I can’t catch a cab in this?” Holtzmann asked, gesturing at the fluffy housecoat down to her bare feet.

Erin laughed.  “I think shoes might be a requirement if you want to do that.”

“I bet cabbies around here have seen worse, but you might be right.  Sure, let’s watch something.”

“Oh, I’ll grab us those doughnuts.  Why don’t you see what’s on?  I’ve got a few DVDs too, if there isn’t anything.”  Erin put her coffee back down on the table, getting up to pull a couple small plates out of the cupboard while Holtzmann grabbed the remote and flicked on the tv.

She scrolled through the guide, noting that Erin didn’t pay for any premium channels. She probably just preferred to read most of the time, or liked having the tv on for the bit of noise.  What she did have, though, was PBS, and PBS currently seemed to be running a Red Dwarf marathon, which was more than perfect.  Holtzmann turned it on and was adjusting the volume just as Erin came back with two plates and two of the best doughnuts around.  They were perfectly golden and dusted in copious amounts of cinnamon sugar.  “Yum.”

“You haven't even tasted it yet,” Erin said with a laugh as she handed Holtzmann a plate, sitting back down next to her and looking at the tv.  “What’s this?”

Holtzmann nearly dropped her doughnut.  “What?  What’s this?  Are you kidding me right now, Gilbert?”

Erin shook her head slowly, a look of confusion on her face.

“You’re lucky you won so many points with being a Voyager girl,” Holtzmann said with a put-upon sigh.  “This is Red Dwarf, the pinnacle of British sitcoms set in space.  It’s amazing.  This and Star Trek were my childhood, Erin,” Holtzmann said, and after a pause added, “Okay, and much of my teenage years, and right up into now.”     

“I’ve never seen it before.”

“Well, you are in for an education while my clothes dry, in that case.  It’s a marathon, and it’s still in an early season.”

“Alright, but I need to go to bed in a few hours.  I’m way too old for all night marathons of anything.”

“That’s plenty of time to convert you,” Holtzmann said with a grin.  “Plenty.  Of.  Time.”

“Don’t … don’t do that.  That’s creepy.”

“Aww, you’re no fun.  No one lets me be creepy anymore.”  Holtzmann pretended to pout as she picked up her plate.  “At least I have you, doughnut.   _ My precious _ ,” She hissed and Erin laughed before she took a bite of her own doughnut, cinnamon sugar sticking to her lips.

Holtzmann licked her own lips as she stared, a little startled out of her playful mood by the sudden urge to pin Erin to the couch and kiss her sweet mouth.  But, she shouldn’t, right?  The point of having a real date was to start over, to not immediately dive into the physical stuff.  Wasn’t it?  Was it?  Holtzmann grappled with her desire just long enough for Erin to notice she was staring.

“What?” She mumbled, her mouth still full of doughnut.

“O-oh, you, umm-” Holtzmann gestured to her own lips.

“Oh, oh my god,” Erin mumbled again, immediately covering her mouth with her hand.

“No, it’s…” Holtzmann took a breath, putting her doughnut back down on the table.  She was making things awkward.  Makin Erin feel awkward, which was exactly the opposite of what she wanted.  “It’s not bad, you just … There’s sugar on your lips and I was kind of thinking about how much I wanted to kiss you.”

Erin paused, swallowing and putting her plate down.  “You want to kiss me?” She asked quietly.

“Yeah, most of the time,” Holtzmann admitted, “But especially right now.”

“That would be … fine, right?”

Holtzmann nodded.  “I think so, yeah.”

“I mean, I don’t usually kiss on a first date,” Erin said as she blushed.  “But, this is a bit of different situation.”

“You don’t usually have sex  _ before _ the first date?  I think I’ve been doing it wrong.”

“I don’t know.  Your way has its … benefits.”  Erin shrugged.

“But it hasn’t really lead to a lot of first dates.  You might be the first.”

“Really?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Well, do you think you’re the kind of person who kisses on this kind of first date?” Erin asked, leaning in a bit closer.

“What do  _ you _ think?”

“I think you might be,” Erin said, leaning in even further.

“I think I might be too,” Holtzmann said softly, closing the small distance between them as she pressed her lips to Erin’s.  She did taste sweet, and like coffee, and like Erin as her lips started to part to deepen the kiss.

It made Holtzmann’s heart beat faster and her thoughts go fuzzy.  She could only vaguely hear the banter of Red Dwarf in the background, and she slowly realized she was gripping onto Erin’s housecoat, pulling them together.  Then Erin was climbing on top of her, a knee pushing between her thighs, and Erin’s hands on her shoulders, pressing her down onto the couch.  She wanted to smirk and tease Erin for getting brave, but she didn’t have any words, just a gasp as Erin sunk her teeth into her neck, then kissed her way back up to her mouth.

Then Erin’s hands were sliding underneath her housecoat, finding seams, seeking Holtzmann’s bare skin out while her knee nudged forward.  

It felt so good, but something nagged at the back of Holtzmann’s mind.  Erin hadn’t even had time to think about being together.  They already knew that they worked like this, but as a couple?  Holtzmann still wasn’t even sure what that really meant.  At least, not what it meant to her.  She pulled back from Erin’s attentions slowly, reluctantly.  “Umm, Erin, I don’t,” Holtzmann paused, chewing her lip, having a hard time believing these words were about to come out of her mouth.  “I don’t want to go any further than just kissing.  And, umm, even if you do decide that you want to be my girlfriend, sex might be off the table for a while.”

“Oh,” Erin answered, clearly surprised, but starting to disentangle herself anyway.  She looked embarrassed now, pulling her housecoat closed where it had fallen open.  “I’m sorry, I wasn’t really thinking.”

Holtzmann smiled, wanting to break the tension.  “Me neither.  I should have said something sooner, but this part of the night wasn’t exactly in my plans.”

“Mine either,” Erin said, sitting back upright, sighing softly.  They were both flushed, warm and pink and trying to navigate this  _ thing _ that wasn’t even really a thing yet.  It was an impossible situation, but they were both clearly trying to make the best of it.

“It’s just, if we’re going to give this a try … and I know you haven’t decided yet, which is fine, and I’ll accept whatever your answer is.  I want you to have all the facts though, and the no sex is going to be a fact.  I want to know what else there is in a  _ relationship _ .  And I don’t … I can’t ... ugghh!”  Holtzmann gave a frustrated groan.  She couldn’t explain herself properly.  It was like she was trying to fix something without all the right tools.

“Holtz, it’s okay.  I know what you’re trying to say, and I get it.  You want to find out if what we have together is more than sexual chemistry, and more than friendship, right?”

Holtzmann nodded, amazed that somehow Erin had understood her despite the lack of correct tools.

“I think … I would want to find that out too.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.  I’m not saying yes, yet.  But, if I do, we can wait for more sex until you’re ready.”

“You’re really awesome, you know that?”

“ _ Someone _ keeps trying not to let me forget it.”

Holtzmann laughed.  “You got that right, Gilbert.  Would it be too awkward now if I asked to spend the night?  I don’t think my clothes are going to be dry for a long time.”

“Of course you can spend the night.  There’s the couch, or I can probably manage to control myself if you want to sleep with me.”  

“I’ll be safe and take the couch.  But, until then, you need an education and its name is Red Dwarf.”  
  


 

* * *

 

Holtzmann woke up disoriented and cold in the middle of the night.  It took her a minute to remember that she was at Erin’s, and what had happened that night.  Minus the awkwardness and soaked socks, it was probably one of the best first dates ever.  Not that Holtzmann had a whole lot to compare it to, but she imagined that a night like this would be top of the charts for more people than just her.

She stretched and her back twinged.  It was not the most comfortable couch to be sleeping on, and she was now regretting not taking Erin’s offer to sleep in the bed with her.  Maybe it wasn’t too late?  She missed sleeping next to Erin.  She missed a lot about spending time with Erin, but she didn’t want to think too hard about any of it in case Erin ultimately decided that she didn’t want that kind of relationship.  

Holtzmann stood up, making her way slowly through Erin’s dark apartment to her bedroom door.  It was open, which Holtzmann thought was probably a good sign.  She took just a couple steps inside and Erin sat up in bed.

“Hey,” Erin said softly.

“I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“I wasn’t really sleeping anyway.”

“Do you think I can change my answer and sleep here with you?” Holtzmann asked quietly.

“Of course, come on up.”

Holtzmann went to the other side of the bed, climbing under the covers next to Erin and settling in.  This was much better than the couch.  

“I had a really good time tonight,” Erin whispered, even though it was just them.  Maybe it seemed necessary in the dark.

Holtzmann rolled over so that she could look at Erin, her eyes adjusted enough to be able to just barely make out her features.  “Me too.  I like spending time with you, especially when it’s just us.  You’re brilliant, and gorgeous, and I think you make me better.  You make me think more about other people and not just myself and whatever I’m working on.  I’m not sure I would have noticed the change, but Abby pointed it out to me.”

“I like spending time with you too.”  Holtzmann could hear the smile in Erin’s voice, even if she couldn’t quite see it.  “I think you’ve got it backwards though.   _ You’re _ the one that’s brilliant and gorgeous.”

“I think we need a third party here to tell us who is the brilliant and/or gorgeous one.”  Holtzmann lifted her arm, fist raised to the wall above Erin’s bed.  “How well do you know your neighbours?”

Erin grabbed her arm, pulling it back down with hushed giggles.  “Don’t you dare!”

“You don’t think it’s important enough to get settled right now?”

“We can both be brilliant and gorgeous, okay?  We don’t need anyone else to tell us that.”

Holtzmann hummed.  “So you agree that you’re both brilliant and gorgeous, then?”

“Smeghead,” Erin grumbled.

“Ooh and funny, too.  I knew you would like Red Dwarf.”  Holtzmann settled back into the pillow, Erin still gripping her wrist lightly on top of the covers.

“I did.  Except now I’m never going to finish the book I’m reading because I need to watch the rest of it.”

“You don’t need books when you’ve got like eleven seasons of an old show to watch.”

“Some of us like to read books,” Erin said, starting to trace her fingers over the thin skin of Holtzmann’s wrist.

“And some of us are just teasing you,” Holtzmann said with a yawn.

They were both quiet for a long moment, and Erin’s fingers stilled, her hand still resting warmly on Holtzmann’s arm.  Holtzmann thought that Erin had probably fallen back asleep, until she gave a long sigh.

“Do you think they’ll talk in the morning?” Erin asked quietly.

“You mean the others, when we come in together?”

“Yeah.  Do you think they’ll think it means something, or something?”

“I don’t know, but I don’t think it really matters what they think.  They’re our friends, and they’ll be happy if we’re happy, whatever that ends up meaning.”

Erin sighed again.  “You’re right.  They’re really good friends, aren’t they?”

“The best.  And that includes you.”  Holtzmann rolled over and Erin did too, and they snuggled in close, Holtzmann draping an arm over Erin’s waist.  “No funny business, now.  Just a nice platonic cuddle,” Holtzmann mumbled sleepily into Erin’s hair.

“No funny business,” Erin echoed, twining her fingers into Holtzmann’s before they both drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my excellent beta readers themindisacity and [Liz](http://archiveofourown.org/users/HumsHappily)!


	10. Step Ten: The Conclusion

_ Could you meet me in the kitchen at 6:30 tonight? For dinner?  And not come downstairs until then? _ Erin texted that morning.  It had been a little less than a week since their date.  Their wonderful, marvelous, slightly awkward, but overall amazing date.

Holtzmann’s stomach immediately tied itself into a knot.  Was it going to be a good dinner?  Or a soften the blow sort of dinner?  Either way she was going to have to find out.   _ You bet _ .  She texted back.

_ Great.  Please don’t come downstairs until 6:30. _

_ You got it, toots. _

_ No, Holtz.  _ Erin texted.  Holtzmann could picture the mildly perturbed look on Erin’s face at yet another terrible nickname.

_ Fiiiiine. _  Holtzmann responded.   _ You got it, ERIN _ .

_ Better _ .

Holtzmann smiled at her phone despite her out of sorts stomach.  Erin was just so  _ Erin _ , and Holtzmann was undoubtedly in love with her.  She could only hope that this dinner was Erin saying yes to being her girlfriend.  Even if it wasn’t, Holtzmann knew she  would be okay with having Erin as her friend and nothing more.  She would get over it eventually, because it wasn’t like Erin wouldn’t be in her life anymore.  It would just be in a different way.

She sighed and put her phone back in her pocket.  She wanted to be excited, and she was, but she was also terribly nervous.  The days since their date had been friendly but strange, with them keeping a bit of distance, but not nearly like before.  It was hard to know just how close they were allowed to get to get to each other, so it seemed like they had both decided to play it safe and stay a bit distant.  

Holtzmann had talked to Abby about it a little, and she had been supportive, but had said pretty much the same as before -- that this was between Erin and Holtzmann, but that she wished them all the best and loved them both.  It had still felt good to talk about it with someone and be reassured that she was doing a Grown-Up-Thing™ by setting limits and boundaries and realistically modulating her expectations.

Being a grown up was a lot of hard work, and Holtzmann didn’t always want to participate, especially when it came to having to interact with other people, or deal with  _ feelings _ .  Feelings were so difficult.  Give her synchrotrons, cryocoolers, power cells, or even unstable radioactive elements to deal with and it’s all fine, but emotions are just too hard, and you can never know exactly what other peoples’ are doing.  

Holtzmann supposed that was why sex had always been so much better.  Sex was mostly mechanical, and with “The Research Phase,” there were never really failures so much as changes in direction.  You could fail hard with feelings.  Really hard.  There wasn’t much she could do at this point, though, because she had left it up to Erin.  Holtzmann had fallen hard for her before she even truly realized was happening -- it was out of her control.  All she could do was hope that Erin felt the same, or would maybe want to try to see if she did with a bit more time.  It didn’t feel good, not being in control, but Holtzmann apparently just had to suck it up for a few more hours and she would hopefully have a solid answer.

 

* * *

  
  


As 6:30 got closer, Holtzmann started to hear some strange noises from downstairs.  Clattering and chairs scraping across the floor, and if Erin hadn’t expressly told her not to go down there, she would have thought something had wriggled its way loose from the containment unit and was kicking up a poltergeist fuss.

_ Everything alright? _ She texted from the safety of the lab.

_ Fine! Don’t come down _ . _ 6:30. _  Erin’s answer came during a brief lull in the noise.

Well, she guessed she just had to take Erin’s word for it that everything was going alright down there.  But, now she kind of couldn’t wait to see what exactly Erin was doing, because that was a whole lot of racket for one little dinner.

Holtzmann killed the time nervously picking away at little things in the lab that needed doing.  It was hard to focus with the noise, and of course with her racing thoughts about what was about to happen down there.  She had tried to mentally prepare for the worst, because, after all, the worst was really not that bad.  The worst was simply that Erin didn’t want the same kind of relationship that Holtzmann did, that was it.  But, in preparing for the worst, Holtzmann had only realized just how much hope she had for things to work out.  Erin obviously liked her, it was how far that like had grown that was the really sticky bit.  It was impossible to know.

Impossible, but while Holtzmann hadn’t been looking, the clock had ticked past 6:30.  Her heart did a little skip and she walked as calmly as she could out of the lab and downstairs.

Most of the lights were off, but that wasn’t unusual.  It was after everyone usually went home for the day anyway, unless they had all made plans together.  What  _ was _ unusual was the flickering glow coming from the kitchen, and as Holtzmann’s foot hit the bottom step, the sound of Erin cursing under her breath.

“Holtz!” Erin almost shouted, poking her head out of the kitchen. “Just … just wait there for a second.”  

Holtzmann waited, smiling at how adorable Erin was when she was flustered, which let’s face it, was frequently.

“Shit!  Shit, why won’t you? God-flipping-damnit you …” Erin swore, and Holtzmann had to hold back a full-on giggle.  Then, music started to filter through the firehouse, and Holtzmann realized that Erin had been fighting with the bluetooth speaker, and had to try even harder not to laugh.

“You can come in now,” Erin said, and Holtzmann walked over.

The kitchen had undergone a minor transformation.  There was a tablecloth and no dishes in the sink, and there were candles everywhere.  Best of all, there was Erin standing in the middle of it.  

“You know, this is a fire hazard,” Holtzmann said with a smirk.

Erin pointed to a fire extinguisher in the corner.  “It’s full, I checked.”

“Well, in that case, I have zero complaints about this improved, dimly lit kitchen.”

“Holtz, I …” Erin paused, clearing her throat and stepping close to Holtzmann.  “I-I took some time to think about what you said.”  

Holtzmann’s chest clenched painfully tight.  She was terrified about what Erin was going to say next.

Erin took a deep breath, forcefully bringing her gaze to meet Holtzmann’s.  “I thought hard about it.  About everything.  A-and,” Erin’s voice faltered, Holtzmann’s heart sank.

“It’s fine, you don’t have to say it,” Holtzmann said with a small, sad smile, starting to step back to get a bit more distance.  “I understand.”

“No, Holtz, you don’t.  Let me finish,” Erin said more confidently, reaching out to take one of Holtzmann’s hands, not letting her get away.  “I thought about it, and the answer is yes.  Yes, I would like to be your girlfriend.  I-if that’s still what you want.”  Erin’s cheeks were pink, and her gaze had drifted back to the floor.

“Still what I want?” Holtzmann said much too loudly.  “Erin, that’s  _ all _ I want!  It’s all I’ve wanted for so long.”  Her cheeks were wet now and she didn’t know why, but she was grinning too, and so was Erin, so she did the only thing she could think of and hugged her tight, spinning until Erin’s feet came off the floor.

“Holtz!”  Erin laughed, “Holtz, the candles!”

“Right, fire hazard.”  Holtzmann cleared her throat as she set Erin back down on the ground, still holding her close.  “So you really want to give us a try?” Holtzmann asked softly.

“I do.  And I also think I would like to dance with you right now.”

“Ask, and you shall receive,” Holtzmann said, slipping her hands around Erin’s waist just as the song changed to the slow beginning strains of what was really a perfect song for this exact moment.  Maybe Erin had planned it that way.  

They swayed together, eyes locked, foreheads touching as Heart’s “I Love You” played over the speaker.  

“I love this song,” Erin whispered.

“I think I do now, too.”

“It … it could be ours.”

“And here I thought ‘Rhythm of the Night’ was our thing,” Holtzmann teased.

Erin laughed.  “Were you flirting with me back then?  Abby said you were.”

“Well, I was  _ trying _ .”

“Guess I’m a bit of a slow learner with a lot of things.”

“We have all the time in the world, gorgeous,” Holtzmann said, leaning in to place a soft kiss on Erin’s mouth.  “I think we both have a lot of learning to do about this.  About us.”

“I think you might be right.”  Erin smiled, then kissed Holtzmann back.  “I’m excited for this kind of studying though.”

“Don’t even get me started on the extracurriculars.”  

“I thought you said those were off the table?” Erin asked.

“I did, and they are, until we pass a few tests, to use the current metaphor.”

“Right.  Just checking.”  Erin said, her arms still wrapped loosely around Holtzmann’s neck.  “Are you hungry?”

“Starving.”

“Good.  I reheated dinner.  That’s one thing you should know about me, I can barely boil an egg, but I’m very good at doing the dishes.”

“We are going to be  _ such _ a great team,” Holtzmann said, squeezing Erin even tighter. 

“You think so?”

“I do.”

“Me too,” Erin said, biting her bottom lip.  “What … what are we going to tell the others?  I mean, we should tell them, right?”

“I think ‘we’re dating now’ might be traditional in these situations,” Holtzmann answered, leaning forward to press her forehead back against Erin’s.

“Do you think it will change things?” Erin whispered.

“I hope so,” Holtzmann said, angling in for a soft kiss to ease Erin’s nerves.  She was beautiful in the flickering light, even with her anxious mind clearly working away to break this happy moment.

“I don’t mean to be a downer,” Erin said, “It’s just, I’ve never really had a … umm …  _ girlfriend _ .  I mean, you know I’ve had experience with women, but not like … I didn’t think it could be … serious. There’s a lot of things about myself I guess I didn’t really want to accept before.” Erin smiled a bit sadly, and Holtzmann hugged her tighter.

“I know, gorgeous.  And I’ve never really had a  _ relationship _ , so we’re really both in new territory here.  I just want to be with you and make you happy.”

“I want that too, but for you.”

“Awesome.”  Holtzmann grinned.  “Let’s do that, then, and not worry about too much else for now.  Also, let’s eat.  I can’t wait to try your delicious reheated specialties.”

“Oh, you’re in for a treat.  I went to the fancy grocery store.”

“You’re going to spoil me, Gilbert.”

 

* * *

 

Holtzmann was over the moon.  Seriously, completely happier than she had been in such a long time.  Not that she hadn’t been happy before, but she was finding herself giddy with joy on a daily basis because Erin was her girlfriend.   _ Her girlfriend _ .  Holtzmann had never really had a real girlfriend before, not one that stuck anyway, and now she had Erin who was absolute peak girlfriend material as far as Holtzmann was concerned.

Erin was brilliant.  Erin was thoughtful.  Erin got embarrassed easily with public displays of affection.  Erin was the most beautiful human that Holtzmann had ever laid eyes on.  Erin was understanding.  Above all, Erin seemed to be trying just as hard as Holtzmann was to put effort into their new relationship.

Holtzmann knew that eventually she probably wouldn’t feel quite so crazy in love, as it was her understanding that those sorts of feelings tended to fade with time, the edges rounding off as the newness of it all faded.  But, she was fully revelling in it while it lasted, and taking every opportunity to let Erin know how happy she was, often by staring longingly at her across the room.  

“You guys are disgusting, you know that, right?” Abby said, watching Holtzmann make moony eyes at Erin.

“You’re just mad that what’s-his-face, the beardy one, ran screaming when that Class Six slithered up out of the kitchen drain when you guys went out for Greek,” Holtzmann said, waving her soldering iron in Abby’s direction for emphasis.

“Doesn’t mean you have to rub your happiness in our faces,” Abby grumbled.

“I think it’s sweet,” Patty added.

“And there’s no evidence that that’s why he won’t call me back,” Abby snapped. “And anyways, I have a very nice date lined up for next Thursday.”

“You gonna take them somewhere haunted too? Is that your new screening mechanism?” Holtzmann asked with a teasing grin.

“That was  _ not _ intentional.”

“Uh-huh.  Taking someone to one of the oldest restaurants in  _ that _ neighbourhood.  Not asking for trouble at all,” Patty said.

“You’re all terrible,” Abby said with a scowl.  

“Hey! I didn’t say anything,” Erin piped up.

“Fine!  Everyone is terrible except Erin, who is still complicit in this because she’s encouraging her,” Abby added, pointing an accusatory finger at Holtzmann.

“I-I’m not going to  _ dis _ courage her,” Erin said quietly, her cheeks starting to colour.

“Fine, be mushy.  I’m going out for coffee and I’m not bringing anything back for any of you!” Abby said, heading for the door.

“I’ll take a latte, extra hot,” Patty called after her.

“Double americano for me!” Holtzmann shouted.

“Mocha please,” Erin added.

Abby stuck her head back inside the door, staring down each of them in turn.  They were all smiling at her, about to break out into laughter.  “Terrible! Every one of you!” she shouted, walking away again.

“Thank you, Abby,” they all said in unison, immediately bursting into laughter.  Abby was all talk when it came to things like this, and they knew she didn’t really mean it.

“Y’all know she’s just jealous, right? We’re both real glad you guys are together now,” Patty said once they had all caught their breath again.

“Yeah, we know,” Erin said, glancing shyly over at Holtzmann.

“Thanks, Patty.”  Holtzmann grinned back at Erin.

 

* * *

 

“Just ignore it, gorgeous.  It’s nothing to get upset over.” Holtzmann said, prying the newspaper out of Erin’s hands and pulling her in close.

“Ignore it? How can I ignore it, it’s front page news apparently.  Why is it always me?  I just want to live my life.  Do my research, help people, be with you.  Is that so much to ask?” 

“No, it’s not.  But hey, at least it’s a nice picture of us,” Holtzmann said, admiring the grainy cover photo of them in full gear, sharing a kiss outside of a bust.  It was just the other day, and it had been a tough fight, everyone high on adrenaline afterward.  They had giggled as they hugged and kissed, a full ghost trap smoking away in Holtzmann’s hand as the initial stage coolant burned off.  It had been a really happy moment.

“I guess,” Erin mumbled into Holtzmann’s shoulder.

“Come on, why is this bothering you so much?  Is it the headline?  They really could have done better with that.  ‘Ghost Gal Pals,’ really?  We are very clearly not just being pals here.”

“It’s just … they had no right,” Erin sniffled as her eyes welled up.

“Hey talk to me about it.  I’m here for you,” Holtzmann said, throwing the paper aside and moving her hands to cradle Erin’s face.

“This isn’t --” Erin tried to swallow back her tears -- “This wasn’t how I wanted it to happen.”

“Wanted what to happen, gorgeous?”

“For people to find out about us.  To find out about … me.”

“Oh!  Oh shit, Erin, I didn’t think about it like that,” Holtzmann said, pulling Erin back into a tight hug and rocking her a little.  “Forget what I said, that’s absolutely something to get upset over.  Can we make it better?  You wanna glitterbomb the editor?  Release that Class II disembodied foot we trapped last month into their office?  Make them pay us to get it out when it starts kicking all of their ankles and rearranging their desks?”

Erin sniffled back a laugh.  “I think that second one might be illegal somehow.”

“I would like to see anyone even try to talk to the cops about a ghost foot,” Holtzmann smiled, pulling back a little to see Erin’s tear-stained face.  She was starting to cheer up a bit now.

“Well, I guess you’re right about that.”

“I’m sorry the paper outed you, gorgeous.  That’s --” Holtzmann paused for a second, suddenly doubting everything.  “That’s the reason you’re upset, right?  Not that it was with me?”

“Holtz, of course not.  I just … I wanted to tell people on my own terms and in my own time, and now I can’t do that.  They took that away from me.  It doesn’t even have anything to do with you really, except that you’re the beautiful woman that I was with,” Erin said, tapping Holtzmann lightly on the chest.

“Beautiful, huh?”

“Uh-huh.”

“I think that’s the kind of flattery I’m supposed to be providing you in this time of distress,” Holtzmann said, kissing Erin lightly on the lips, then again a bit harder.

“You could,” Erin said, “I wouldn’t mind a little flattery to make me feel better.”

“Well, other than the haunting, which you don’t seem too thrilled about, I think it might be the only thing I can really do for you right now.”  Holtzmann wrapped her arms around Erin, kissing her while she let her hands smooth over Erin’s back.  “You are an amazing person.  An absolute genius.  You’re committed to helping people even when they don’t deserve it.  A great friend.  A wonderful girlfriend.  And you are so outlandishly gorgeous that every time I look at you, I’m forced to think about how I could ever possibly be so lucky as to have you all to myself.  Anyone who dares to treat you any different because of who you are will find themselves at the wrong end of a plasma cannon,”  Holtzmann said, punctuating each sentence with a fresh kiss to Erin’s warm lips.

By the end Erin’s cheeks were pink, eyes closed, and she was clutching on to Holtzmann’s vest to keep her pressed close.  “Yeah, that helps,” She whispered.

“Good.”  Holtzmann grinned against her mouth.

 

* * *

 

It had been nearly three months since their second try at a first date.  Their relationship had grown into a mellow rhythm of time spent together and apart, of work and dates and sleepovers, and carefully washing ectoplasm out of eachother's hair.  Some of Erin’s clothes lived on the racks in Holtzmann’s room.  There were two toothbrushes where there used to be one.  It was bliss.  

Holtzmann had thought that the initial rush of glee and newness would be the top of the tops in terms of what a relationship could be.  But, every day that passed, and every passing minute with Erin brought her new joys, little joys, gathering joys that stacked and nestled inside her heart and memories to create a pleasant space inside of herself that felt like home.  It was like she had been tempered -- heated, cooled, made better and more consistent by her relationship with Erin.

It was getting harder to believe that it really wasn’t too long ago that something like this was the furthest thing from Holtzmann’s mind.  Who would want it?  A single partner?  No way!  But commitment was only becoming more attractive to her with Erin at her side.  Sometimes they laughed about it together, both able to admit that just because they had picked each other, it didn’t mean that looking at other people was ever off limits.  They trusted each other now.  Not that they hadn’t already, considering they had saved each other's lives countless times in their line of work, but this was an even deeper trust.

“Hey.  Hi!  Earth to Holtzmann, come in Holtzmann?” Erin said knocking on Holtzmann’s lab table, startling her out of her own head. 

“Erin!” She nearly shouted, a screwdriver falling from her slack fingers and clattering to the ground.  “I was just thinking about you.”

“Is that why you’re drooling a little?” Erin asked, coming around the table to slip her arms around Holtzmann’s waist.

“Might be.”  Holtzmann shifted her goggles up onto her forehead.

“I was thinking maybe we could stay in tonight,” Erin said.  “You, me, Netflix, that bottle of wine that’s in the fridge?”

“That sounds fab, babe.  Lemme wash up and I’ll meet you downstairs?  I think there’s still some of that quinoa greek salad in the fridge for dinner.”

“Perfect.  I will see you soon,” Erin smiled her wonderful, contented smile, and kissed Holtzmann before she wandered off downstairs. 

Holtzmann pulled off her gloves and made sure everything was shut down properly, noting the readouts on the containment unit before she went to give her hands and face a quick scrub.  She needed a minute to get out of her own head anyway, even though it had been all good thoughts.

She smiled at at Erin’s spare toothbrush sitting next to her own.  It turned out that she had been right about the intimacy thing.  There was a lot more to it than sex.  In fact, sex was starting to seem like a very small part of this whole relationship business.  It really was more about the toothpaste, and the casual touches, and the working, evolving partnership than it was about the sex, and three months of abstaining had really proved that to Holtzmann.

She wandered downstairs to find that Erin had already set them up for the evening on the couch.  Leftovers, wine, a blanket, and Netflix ready to go.  Holtzmann could hardly think of a more perfect way to spend the evening.

And it was exceptionally perfect to sit snuggled up to Erin, both of them just this side of tipsy by the time the bottle of wine was finished off.

Erin turned to her a bit suddenly, putting a warm hand on Holtzmann’s knee.  “Hey so, umm …Holtz,” She started, “There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.”

“Yeah?  What’s that?”

“I uhh … I’ve been working up the courage.  I didn’t have enough to tell you before now.  But, umm … I think … I love you.”

Holtzmann felt her whole body start to vibrate with happiness at the highest frequency.  “I love you too!”

Erin was grinning now, and Holtzmann flung her arms around her, hugging her tight and kissing her over and over again.  “Oh my god, Erin, I love you too.  You have no idea,” Holtzmann said between kisses.  She had been struggling for a while now with whether or not to tell Erin how she really felt, but now Erin had gone and said it first.  “Amazing.  Spectacular,” Holtzmann mumbled.

“What was that?”

“Oh, was that out loud?  I was just thinking to myself how amazing you are.  How wonderfully spectacular. And how much I really do love you.”

“O-oh,” Erin blushed, or maybe it was just the wine.  “I love you too.  That’s so nice to finally say.”  Erin sighed softly, swinging her legs over Holtzmann’s, nuzzling her face into her neck.  

Holtzmann gave a pleased hum.  “You can say it literally whenever.  I promise I will never, ever get sick of hearing you say it.”

“I love you,” Erin said, placing a kiss just under Holtzmann’s jaw.

“I love you too,” Holtzmann answered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, as always, to my wonderful beta readers! Please stay tuned for a very special epilogue coming to you right away!


	11. Step Eleven: The Footnote

 

“Aww damnit, what the hell!” Erin cursed, throwing her head back in frustration.  “Why am I having the worst day ever?”

“Why? What’s wro-ooh…” Holtzmann’s question trailed off into an open-mouthed moan as Erin turned around, her shirt soaked down the front, the offending water bottle in hand.  Holtzmann licked her lips, swallowing compulsively.  The combination of white blouse plus red bra plus spilled water equalled Holtzmann suddenly no longer in control of herself.  Her heart rate shot up, vision going dark for a second as she gripped the edge of the table to stay upright.

“Now!” Holtzmann choked out, having trouble making her mouth and brain do the words thing.  “Upstairs.  Now.”

“Yeah, I should change,” Erin said, picking her wet shirt away from her skin, clearly not noticing what a state Holtzmann was in.

“Yeah.  Sure.  That.  Whatever.  Now please!” Holtzmann said, rushing to grab Erin by the elbow and lead her up to her room.  To bed.  Immediately.  

“Have fun!” Patty called after them.

“Don’t forget to hydrate!” Abby added with a laugh.

“What are they talking about?” Erin asked, twisting her gaze back toward the doorway, face pinched in confusion.  

Holtzmann didn’t answer, just tugged Erin along, and in another few seconds they were safely inside Holtzmann’s room with a locked door.  A locked door that Holtzmann backed Erin into and kissed her  _ urgently _ .  The kind of kiss that up until now had lead to reluctant backing and cooling off.

“O-oh,” Erin sighed, finally getting it.  “Are you sure?  I mean, I’m happy to wait as long as you need.” 

“Need,” Holtzmann moaned, clutching tight to Erin’s waist.  “Need you now.”

“Well, in that case,” Erin said with a grin, pushing off Holtzmann’s jacket and starting to tug her shirt out of her pants.  At the same time Holtzmann was working open the little buttons on Erin’s blouse, cursing each and every one of them as they fought against her fingers which were usually so clever at things.

“God, how are you even?” Holtzmann mumbled, pressing her face into Erin’s cleavage, fondling her through her damp bra.

“Holtz, that’s not a sentence,” Erin said with a giggle, shrugging out of her wet shirt.

“Don’t care,” Holtzmann answered, shoving her knee between Erin’s thighs as she kissed up her neck.  

Erin gasped, her head falling back against the door as Holtzmann pressed into her.

“Who needs words, anyway?” Holtzmann whispered, rocking her knee forward as she bit down gently on Erin’s earlobe. 

“V-valid point.”

Holtzmann grinned against Erin’s skin, reaching around to unhook her bra, stepping back a bit to pull it off her.  Erin’s nipples were hard.  Stiff, deep pink, irresistible.  Holtzmann ran her tongue over one while she struggled blindly to find the zip on Erin’s skirt.  Somehow she got it, pulling it down and letting it slip off Erin’s hips and to the floor.  She had missed undressing Erin, despite how complicated all her clothes seemed in the moment with all their fiddly closures. 

She took a moment to admire her, flushed and nearly naked against her door.  There was a tiny bow on the waistband of her panties.  Of course there was.  How could there not be?

Holtzmann dropped to her knees, running trembling fingers up Erin’s soft thighs.  She was pretty sure she was shaking out of pure excitement as she pressed her mouth to the bow on Erin’s panties. She gazed up at Erin, who was staring open-mouthed back at her, reaching to twine her fingers into Holtzmann’s hair.  She shivered with pleasure, slipping lower as Erin spread her legs for her.

God she was desperate.  Holtzmann felt nearly consumed with it, like she was barely in control of her body.  She could hear her own heartbeat pounding in her ears, and her skin prickled with heat and need.  She breathed deep as she pushed her face between Erin’s legs, opening her mouth to press her tongue against Erin’s covered clit.  

Holtzmann whined as Erin tugged on her hair, pulling her head back. 

“You first.”

“Wha?” Holtzmann slurred, trying to sweep her eyes up to meet Erin’s but getting increasingly distracted along the way.  Her brain was hormone soup.

“Look at you,” Erin said, her expression somehow both soft and aroused at the same time.  “You look like you’re going to explode any minute.”

“Nah, I’m good,” Holtzmann lied, staring up at Erin.

Erin gave another tug to Holtzmann’s hair and she whimpered pitifully, her jaw going slack as her eyelids dropped closed.  

“Okay,” She conceded after the hot wave of arousal had washed over her, letting her speak again.

Erin grinned triumphantly, helping Holtzmann to her feet again and leading her over to the bed.  “I like you like this,” Erin said, climbing into Holtzmann’s lap, pulling her shirt and bralette off before bending down to kiss her hard.

“Yeah?” Holtzmann managed to say, her blood still rushing too loud in her ears.  It was maybe even louder now as she grabbed Erin’s ass, both supporting her and pulling her in closer.

Erin nodded.  “I like it when you’re a little out of control.  It makes me feel powerful.  Sexy.”

“That’s because you are,” Holtzmann said, kneading her fingers into Erin’s ass.  “Powerful.  Sexy.  Brilliant.  So fucking sexy.”  Holtzmann groaned, pushing her face into Erin’s tits again, licking and letting her teeth graze along Erin’s warm skin.  She smelled so incredible.  Better than usual, even.  Practically edible.  “I want you.  God, I want you so much.  I love you.”

“I love you too.  And you can have me soon because --” Erin pushed Holtzmann down on the bed, trailing her fingers down her quivering stomach to her belt buckle -- “This isn’t going to take very long, is it?” 

Holtzmann shook her head, sure that in that moment, if Erin looked at her too hard she would probably come untouched.  

Erin stripped her quickly, Holtzmann lifting her hips off the bed to assist, then scrambling to swing her legs up and a pillow under her head.  She was so keyed up. Excited. Turned on.  Aroused.  Words scrambling around in her brain until Erin bent down and kissed her, a hand resting hot and low on her stomach.

“I’ve wanted to do this for so long,” Erin whispered huskily, her hand starting a slow descent.  Holtzmann whimpered again.

She nearly jumped when Erin’s fingers made contact with her clit, hissing out a breath through her teeth.  Erin kept going, sliding her fingers along Holtzmann’s slit, seemingly just enjoying touching her again.  

“God, you’re so wet.”

“Your fault,” Holtzmann moaned.  “All your fault.”

“I guess I’m okay with taking the blame,” Erin said with a smile.  “But only because you’re so hot.”  

Erin crawled between Holtzmann’s legs, one hand steady on her hip, the other stroking slowly, one finger on either side of her clit.  She bent down to kiss Holtzmann’s overheated skin, leaving a quickly cooling trail with her lips and tongue.  Holtzmann shivered at the sensation. 

Then Erin was gently spreading her open, shifting herself lower, and Holtzmann thought she was going to black out when she felt Erin’s breath against her.  “Oh fuck.”

“Is this okay?”

“Yes! Fuck, yes, Erin, please,” Holtzmann begged, her body taut with anticipation.

Erin answered with an experimental lick and Holtzmann nearly ripped her duvet apart as she dug her fists into it.  Then, Erin licked again, more confident this time, her tongue making firmer contact.

“Oh god,” Holtzmann moaned out.

Erin kept going, starting to translate what she knew Holtzmann liked with her fingers to her mouth.  She licked up and down her slit, wriggled her tongue against Holtzmann’s clit, then wrapped her lips around it, starting to suck.  Holtzmann was over the goddamn moon and hardly breathing anymore it felt so good.  “Fuck.  Oh fuck,” She groaned, only slightly embarrassed at how quickly she was going to come.  Erin had been right.

She was buzzing, electric as Erin started to suck harder, her thumbs pressing pleasantly into sensitive muscles.  Holtzmann managed to pry her eyes open, looking down at Erin between her legs, who was staring back up at her and oh god that was it, wasn’t it?  Holtzmann came hard, twitching and crying out, her body practically convulsing as she clutched the sheets with both hands and feet.  It seemed to go on forever as Erin somehow managed to keep with her, her tongue pressed flat now against Holtzmann’s throbbing clit.

“Fuck,” Holtzmann said shakily while Erin pulled back, licking her wet lips.  Erin looked even more turned on now than she had before.  Her eyes were dark and her cheeks flushed.  It could have been her not-quite-focusing-yet eyes playing tricks on her, but Holtzmann could have sworn that she could  _ see _ a wet patch on Erin’s panties as she rose up on her knees.

Holtzmann groaned as Erin bent down to kiss her.  She could taste herself.  She could taste herself  _ inside _ of Erin’s mouth and that was so fucking hot Holtzmann thought she might come again.  Instead she reached up to grasp Erin’s shoulders, rolling her over and following to straddle one of Erin’s thighs.  Erin squeaked as she did.

“Now you’re the one who looks desperate,” Holtzmann said.

“Yeah, well, making you come turns me on.”

“And you are.  So. Fucking. Good. At it, gorgeous,” Holtzmann said with a grin, leaning down kiss Erin.  “Maybe even better than I am, and I have had years and years of practice.” 

“Beginner's luck?”

“Mmm, well hopefully we’ll both get lucky today.”

“I’ve been practicing too,” Erin said, her cheeks flushing up brighter.

“Oh yeah?”

“Mhmm.”

“Little did I know I was sending you home touch yourself all this time.  Hot.”

“I didn’t talk about it because … well … with us not until now, and…”

“It’s fine, gorgeous.  Talk about it, don’t talk about it, I’m just happy that you’re looking after you.”

“Those toys you gave me are great.  Especially the waterproof one.”  Erin managed to somehow blush harder.

“Oooh that’s a good one.  Now I’m not going to be able to stop thinking about you in the tub,” Holtzmann said, starting to kiss down Erin’s neck.  “All wet --” She paused to sink her teeth lightly into one of Erin’s breasts -- “And turned on.”  She moved lower, lips gliding over Erin’s stomach, hands moving to her hips.  “Touching yourself.”

“And thinking about you,” Erin added, biting her lower lip.

“Oh really?” Holtzmann asked, sliding Erin’s panties off her legs and tossing them aside.  “And what does this me in your head do?”

“You spread my legs.”

Holtzmann did so, not failing to notice that Erin was indeed wet.

“And run your hands up my thighs.”

“And then?”

“Hmm, well, it changes.  Sometimes you just use your fingers and tell me how beautiful and sexy I am, and how much you want to make me come.”

“And other times?”

“Other times your mouth is a little preoccupied.” 

“Oh-ho.  Saucy.  So, which do you think it is today?”

“I think you’re preoccupied.”

“I think so too,” Holtzmann said, grinning as she got herself comfortable.

Her body was thrumming with excitement again.  Holtzmann thought she had dealt well with her self-imposed period of abstinence, and she had definitely learned a lot about capital ‘r’ Relationships, but she missed this.  She missed the feel of soft, warm skin under her hands.  Missed hearing that hitch of breath, seeing the way muscles twitched and relaxed or tensed under her attention.  Missed the nearly indescribable sweet, sharp, deep smell of arousal, and the taste of it.  She missed the obscene joy she got from giving pleasure.  

Above all though, she missed being with  _ Erin _ like this.  It was Erin’s skin and breath and smell that crept into her dreams and fantasies and kept her up at night.  It was Erin she wanted to give pleasure to as much as possible.

Holtzmann moaned as she pressed forward, opening her mouth to lick Erin’s wet slit, thrilling at the feel of her under her tongue.  She wasn’t patient enough in the moment to tease or draw things out -- she needed to make Erin come as quickly as possible.  Maybe so that she could immediately do it again.  The way that Erin was arching up to meet her told Holtzmann that Erin probably wasn’t interested in playing around either.

So, Holtzmann set joyously to work.  She licked and sucked and stroked until Erin was writhing and moaning on the bed.  Then, because she knew that dual stimulation worked best currently for Erin, she slowly slipped two fingers inside of her, starting to work them in and out, pressed up hard against the front wall of her vagina.

Erin keened, tossing her head back against the pillow, one hand gripping tight to the sheets while the other sought out Holtzmann’s free hand.  They twined their fingers together, gripping tight while Holtzmann diligently kept up the motions of her fingers and mouth.  

She looked up when Erin’s breath started to get faster.  She saw the muscles in her neck tense with every gasped inhalation, the way her chest was rising and falling quicker and quicker as her thighs started to tremble.  Erin’s grip on her hand was getting tighter, sweatier.  It was bliss.

“H-Holtz,” Erin stuttered.  She sounded equal parts breathy and desperate.

Holtzmann didn’t answer, just squeezed Erin’s hand reassuringly.  I’m here.  I’m yours.  

And then Erin was there, cursing as she came hard, heels digging into the bed as Holtzmann felt her muscles clench around her fingers, tense under her tongue.  It was fucking incredible, so Holtzmann said so.

“What?” Erin gasped, still twitching and breathing hard.  Her bangs were plastered to her forehead.

“I said you’re fucking incredible,” Holtzmann repeated, dragging her fingers over Erin’s g-spot, making her shudder and moan again.

“I think … ahh … I think that’s you.”

“Hmm, I guess I must be to make someone like you fall in love with me.”

Holtzmann carefully withdrew her fingers, crawling up to hover over Erin who was relaxed and smiling and more gorgeous than ever.  

“You are terrifyingly smart and wickedly good with your hands,” Erin said as she reached up to cradle Holtzmann’s face.  “And I am definitely in love with you, Dr. Jillian Holtzmann.”

Holtzmann grinned, nuzzling into Erin’s touch.  “And  _ I  _ am extremely in love with you, Dr. Erin Gilbert.”

She never would have guessed that the most challenging, ongoing, interesting project in her life would be Erin, but here she was.  It was proving to be endlessly rewarding, and endlessly surprising to be so intimate, and so in love with another human being, and Holtzmann felt her stomach flutter with anxious anticipation thinking about their future together.  _  Their  _ future.  

Her and Erin were complex components working together to drive themselves forward.  They were symbiotic.  They were in love.  Holtzmann had finally got it right.      

“So, uhh, do you want to go again?” Erin asked, looking coyly up at Holtzmann.

“You bet I do, gorgeous!” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beta reader [Liz!](http://archiveofourown.org/users/HumsHappily)
> 
> Also a huge thank you to those who have been reading this as a work in progress. I whole-heartedly appreciate every kudos and comment along the way! Your support is what keeps me writing.
> 
> Don't forget to [follow me on Tumblr.](http://sexxicawrites.tumblr.com/)


End file.
